[lmg103]

I just got back from therapy. I kept telling myself this is the time for you to truly open up. I went in there so nervous, i felt like i was about to pass out. And of course i blank out when i get in there. i at least got out that i was stressed over a few things. but i just am not satisfied. i want to open up to her but i dont know how. my mind is like a blank slate when i walk in there.

i know people have told me to write down what im thinking and hand it to her during the session but i cant even get myself to do that. im scared of something but i dont know what. its making me crazzzyyy i want everything lifted off my chest. im sick of drowning in my problems and not letting them out.

i want to feel good walking out that door from therapy and feel accomplished. ive been going since last january, and i have not felt that way once. im wasting the time away. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH help

[ECHOES]

Have you and T talked about why talking is hard? That is something to talk about and it can be relieving too. Talking about how hard it is and what your fears are can help those fears subside a bit. And you can talk about it each time it happens. When you find yourself stuck or unwilling to talk, say it right then so you and T can look at what's happening together.

I used to write things down but not to give to T. I took them with me to help me remember when I got stuck or couldn't get started, which was often. I usually only had to have them with me, in my pocket to touch, for them to help.

It can be really stressful and hard while this is happening, so I admire your determination and perseverence!

[velcro003]

Hmm....I thought I wrote this title when I saw it! My mind goes blank ALL the time in therapy--probably 90% of the time is me going "I don't know." and struggling SO HARD about what to talk about when my mind is suspiciously blank. My T does know this, and has suggested that something is scary and my mind just shuts down.

I SO understand and share your frustration. I just had a mini-epiphany (that I am about to go write a thread about ) about part of this for me. I hope that maybe it helps you?

[lmg103]

that does help, thanks velcro. and echoes i havent talked to T about why talking is so hard. thats a good idea, maybe i should say that. i just get so nervous

[skeksi]

I do this loads, too. Exploring with T why I blank out or freeze up has really helped. I still do it, but I am getting a tiny bit less mad at myself for doing it! Getting frustrated with myself tends to intensify the blankness, anyhow.

I encourage you to be brave and bring this up with your T! Remember, you don't have to (and won't) figure out why or how to change it all in one session. But bringing it up as a concern of yours is the first step in taking control of it.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by skeksi

I do this loads, too. Exploring with T why I blank out or freeze up has really helped. I still do it, but I am getting a tiny bit less mad at myself for doing it! Getting frustrated with myself tends to intensify the blankness, anyhow.

I encourage you to be brave and bring this up with your T! Remember, you don't have to (and won't) figure out why or how to change it all in one session. But bringing it up as a concern of yours is the first step in taking control of it.

It DOES, doesn't it?