T Got Angry With Me

Last night I tried telling T what's been going on for the past 2 weeks. Basically, I've felt so disconnected from T and with all the disruptions ( phone, email, sessions) I just didn't feel as if she cared. In the mist of me saying this, I could feel T becoming more angry. She was very defensive and short with me. At one point T said that she was offended by what I had said. I was shocked . Afterwards I just shut down and decided to "get over" what I was feeling immediately. T has NEVER been this way with me and it was scary. I hurt T last night and that wasn't my intent whatsoever. T is so great and patient with me. I don't know how to express my feelings very well at all, so I'm sure everything I said sounded a bit accusatory. I need help. I don't know how to say how I feel without someone being hurt. Do I apologize to T again? How can I make this right?

That sounds really tough. It takes so much courage to say these things, and then if they are not accepted, it can really set us back.

How about saying something to T along these lines: "T, I'm not sure how to react to our last session. When I told you how I felt, you seemed angry and defensive and at one point told me you were 'offended.' That was not my intent at all. Now I'm worried I shouldn't tell you how I really feel because I'm scared you will react like that again. What should I do? Should I apologize to you and hope you will forgive me? Should I just forget this conversation and try my best to continue working on ______ with you? Did I make an incorrect assumption that you would want to know how I felt about things? Did I word my feelings in an antagonistic way? If so, can we go over that conversation and can you help me see where I went wrong, and how to word things better? Help, I'm confused!"

(Sunrise))
This is absolutely amazing!!!!!!!!!!! Thank so much. I was just in the process of emailing T. I may cut and paste a few lines of your response into the email to T

(((((((sw628))))))))

i like sunny's suggestion, and i think it's great that you will email T about this. i had a similar session last week, but the anatagonism was going both ways (at one point i told T that i was offended!). but i think in trying to express myself, i might have worded things in a manner that was kind of strong or unappreciative or accusatory or something. to be honest, i just talked (ranted?) without thinking, and i cant really remember what i said.

i have my next session with T today, and i'm a bit apprehensive. i left the session feeling really good because i had got what i needed, but now i'm sad and scared that i hurt T in the process.

I think if I were in your shoes I would try to discuss what happened. Start by tell her you are sad that your comments offended her and that that was not your intent. I would basically apologize not for expressing your feelings but maybe for how they might have came out. Maybe follow this up with a statement about how helpful she's been and how important therapy is to you. I would hope that in therapy forgiveness for communication misteps comes a little easier than in real-life. T's of all people should realize that when emotions are involved, ettiquette sometime suffers.

I like Sunrise's suggestion, too. If you or your T don't address this now or at your next meeting, it will be like the elephant in the room.

Maybe she responded that way because she felt guilty? Perhaps she, too, is aware of the disconnect and feels guilty? Maybe I'm way off base, ...

Good luck with this very difficult situation!

Thanks everyone for the support. I sent T an email today and took bits and pieces from what you all have said. T responded that my thoughts were great however we would discuss is at a later date. email below........

SW628,

These are excellent thoughts. Let's talk about this on XXXXX. I am not one bit mad at or upset with you so relax and we will talk more later.

Hugs,
T

sigh.. I guess I'll wait and see what happens.