Things i am learning in therapy

I got to apply my 'stuff' in the past 24 hours
I said some boundaries to mom last night (even tho i did it in a marshmallowy way...) and she responded with the boundary today. I had to go back and have her start knocking on the door before coming in - she's been slipping up a lot and i have been ignoring it.

Today mom and I hung out some and she told me about her fears with her bf. I talked to her about having that conversation with him, what i would say, knowing them both. Mom thought this was really good. I said "Hey! I'm learning things in therapy!!!" T is REALLY big on communication. Mom said "yeah! you really are!"

Then later today someone pulled in front of me and i didn't get irate or honk (which i never do unless someone is in jepardy of being hit, then i honk) vs mom who would have laid on the horn and probably flipped the guy off.

And then, when stuck in a parking lot with a woman blocking me who didn't want to back up, and me with 2 cars behind me, i finally motioned to her that she needed to back up anyway (after she had motioned for me to) and as i passed her (our windows were down) i said "Thanks, sorry!). Later to mom i said "I really wasn't "sorry" because it wasn't me who was in the wrong - but you know." Mom said "You're so nice." LOL She's NEVER given me that as a compliment in a situation like that before.

I actually learned my "non-road rage" skills from my former youth minister (who counseled me often) who was always calm when driving and never honked. She'd say things like "Hmmmmmmmm..... that wasn't very smart". Never swore. Whereas my parents are the total opposite - everything you can imagine short of getting out of the car and throttling someone (tho i wouldn't put it past dad). I really should thank my former YM.

Yay!!! I'm getting skills. and ACKNOWLEDGING my skills (that is something T is trying hard to teach me; "Use all your skills - and you have a LOT of skills!".

Ok... NEXT!!!

WOW Kiya! You go girl! Theraoy does actually pay off...especially when you work so hard

Congratulations on putting your learning into practice. That is awesome.

yay Kiya!!!!!!!!

Happy for Kiya!!!!!

Thanks all =)

Does not anyone else want to say what they are learning in T?

Hmmmm......good idea Kiya!

I have been learning more specifically the things I do and dont want to do with my children. Not just generally that I dont want to do what was done to me, but specific sentences and behaviors that can be invalidating. I have learned how fragile childhood is....and how short.

And I learned what bpd is and how it has affected my life. And that I dont want these behaviors to affect the lives of my children.

I have learned in therapy with my t that there are things I want from a therapist that I have to talk to her about. And how difficult it is for me to say it. Wait...maybe I learned that from posting on PC .

Anyway, from being in therapy with her, I have learned that strict boundries make me nuts! But it may be what I need.

Kiya, you are doing great. It sounds like you and your mom have had a couple of interactions recently that went OK! Do you think the talk with your mom about boundaries helped her see you in a more positive light?

I am learning a lot.

I have learned what boundaries are. (I never knew that term until therapy.) I also have learned that I am terrible at setting boundaries. I think I have gotten a little better about setting boundaries, but I am still quite awful at it. I think a major boundary setting for me was telling my H "enough" and getting a divorce.

I have learned to not be so scared to let others see my feelings. I have learned to stop holding those feelings inside with an iron fist.

I have learned that when there is conflict in a relationship, you should try to resolve it instead of walking away from it.

Same here sunny, learning what boundaries are, how i get to have some too, am currently working on "not marshmallowing" with my boundaries.

The feelings is still a hard one.... and not feeling bad for *setting* boundaries. We're working on that one. That came up wed. and T said how she'd do it. i was shocked -I said I could NEVER be that mean! Then T was shocked - "How is that mean, Kiya?!" *crawls into hole in floor*

Boundaries are a BIG lesson for me! Setting boundaries with friends and family, definitely!

Other things I'm learning - I thought I was taking care of myself, but I wasn't, not really. And I need to let others take care of me, it's okay if I'm not self-sufficient 100% of the time - we all need a support system.

You get a medal Clk6!!!

Long years before I ever thought about entering therapy, I remember telling a friend that mothers just don't realize the power they have, or they'd be so much more careful. You know it!!!! and the knowledge will pay off with your children every day.

Thanks for making me smile, you've really made my day with this one.

The bumper sticker I had on my car before I started therapy (but after I started having kids!) said "A Happy Childhood Lasts a Lifetime"

I had my boys out for a hike once, and we were sitting in the van afterwards while I nursed the baby, and a REALLY happy looking old man had his friends take his picture next to my bumper sticker I always think about him and how cool it was that he was so happy I hope my boys feel that way when they are old men.

Yah Kiya!

This week i learned some of my skills - thanks mainly to Treehouse for pointing them out to me then i was able to go to T and say Oh THIS is what you mean when you say "Use all your skills, of which you have many" I was always like 'what is she talking about?!? but i am getting it a little. and the body worker said "your skills are the easy stuff- the things you do automatically" and she pointed them out to me. I really didn't get it before this last week. 6 years in therapy and i am finally getting that "ah ha!" moment

Kiya great job on setting boundries and most importantly on taking a moment to celebrate and feel the joy that comes from the everyday successes. I've been reflecting on some of my successes over the past summer with a little touch of pride at where I presently am.

One thing I learned recently with the help of therapy is...how to enjoy the close friendships I've been able to create. I'm very grateful for this.

marshmellowy boundaries are still boundaries! you go girl!!

i've been working on boundaries too.

Kiya, it looks like you are incorporating what you have been learning!!!! Yah!!!!!!!

all good stuff, chaotic!!!!

heh, awesome job!!! hard as they are. good wrok!!

(((((((chaotic, reflection, sannah))))))))