Haven't seen T in 4 months...

(((((((Jacq)))))))

Well, it sure sounds as if you have a big charge on asking for what you want, and an even bigger one on what if the answer turns out to be no. How you view what just happened (or is still happening) will depend a lot on how you choose to hold it.

If the glass be half empty: You just asked your T for something she wasn't prepared to give you, you should have anticipated her answer, and you should have known better than to ask.

If the glass be half full: You're confronting in your relationship with your T, of all places, some issues that would obviously affect your other relationships as well. Sounds to me like exactly how it's supposed to work...

... if only you can get used to it.

((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you don't feel as though your T can provide you much additional support too ...

((((((FZ)))) : what do you mean by I have a big "charge" .. the word is confusing me

If the glass be half full: You're confronting in your relationship with your T, of all places, some issues that would obviously affect your other relationships as well. Sounds to me like exactly how it's supposed to work...

This is very interesting to me ... .... I suppose this definitely does extend to other relationships ... and in some weird twisted way (probably a way that any RATIONAL person would think, lol) maybe I am suppose to be talking with T about this. And if thats the case, maybe this will help open that door of communication... however awkward and painful it may be. Thanks friend...

I goes some people call it having issues; I call it having a charge*.

I mean that for you there's something associated with asking for what you want (and/or with being refused) that can get you feeling humiliated and rejected, pulling a blanket over your head and hiding, and expecting further discussion of it to be awkward and painful.



-----------------------
* Possibly related to tinkering with capacitors and other electrical oddments in my misspent youth. Charged objects tend to attract and repel each other and sometimes produce sparks and shocks.

You got THAT from my post? No way ....

You are right though.... thanks for helping dissect my ramblings ..

My pleasure -- literally. Thanks for your willingness to play, and for laying them out so conveniently.

I have to admit that when it comes to my own ramblings, I'm pretty attached to being first in line to dissect them. Under all but the most extraordinary conditions, I won't let anyone else near them till I'm pretty sure I know what they're about. I think that means you're braver than me -- so thanks all the more for your willingness to play!

Share your ideas with T, jacq.
Possibly she doesn't want to commit to something until some definitions/boundaries are set. If you are thinking one email per week, or one call per week... she may feel that she can do that.
I hope you will let her know what you think might help

maybe your T was just asking what you wanted to do? oh i knw how hard it is to ask for things.......

can you think of what you would want and say and telll her or show her at the next session - maybe say id like to send one email a week? or be able to have a 5min chat once during week? worht a try..... maybe......

Thanks guys... I appreciate the thoughts/input.
Still lots to think about before our session later on this week... I think that if anything, maybe I'll ask for the email thing. I really hope though that she doesn't push this topic much in session...

good luck - let us know how you go ok

P7

I got the weekly PC Newsletter this morning, and by some odd coincidence it has an article about pretty much that same subject: The Darker Side of Therapy - Ten Ways to Deal with Dependency. It's possible that there's some good stuff in there I missed, though I personally have reservations about the author's way of presenting most of her material:

There are two comments so far, both of which I find I like better than the main article.

Erratum and update (different article):Oops, I got it wrong -- he said tea, not coffee, and a whole bunch of other good stuff I'd forgotten. I finally found the actual Alan Watts quote and posted it here.

I appreciate you bringing that to everyone's attention. Funnily enough, just tonight I spotted that same article!

I too have my reservations when considering what was said. I'm sure there is some truth to it, but to be honest, it kind of made me feel ashamed for even having a portion of these feelings, and made it seem like the therapist can absolutely not be authentic in the relationship because it is "clearly" so one sided and she/he will just ***** about it when they get home? ouch...

I know what you mean. I reacted to it pretty much the way I do when I don't feel at home in a situation. I absolutely don't see where you have anything to be ashamed of; if the author isn't up to appreciating you, I call that her problem, not yours.

I notice she actually says (Item 2), "Therapy is role-playing. Your beloved therapist is role-playing your symbolic mother..." She may have known therapists somewhere who in fact do something of the kind but it doesn't fit at all with my idea of good therapy (Disclaimer: I'm neither a therapist not a professional therapy critic.).

[snark]
I notice the author says right before that:Maybe that's what it takes inauthentic therapists to recover from a hard day of role-playing. It emphatically does not sound like my idea of the good life.
[/snark]

Btw, the author's bio says she "has a certificate in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy." Can someone tell me what that means?

i think if a T is "role playing" then they are not bringing their authentic self to the meeting and prob need therapy themmselves because they are too insecure to be themselves ..... did that make any sense?

I think the best T's care about their clients

i think they need to be able to switch off or they would go isane eventually.....

and i finally think (which is an awful lot of thinking for my one brain cell lol)
that sometimes we need our T's and there is no shame in that - it shows we have a connection - therapy doesnt get far jmo without some sort of connection

jacq10 dont beat yourself up about this - it is what it is - you miss your T and thats ok
proves you are human...

take care P7