Time for more lighthearted things....

PHRASES T HAS SAID THAT LEAVES YOU

Last night, at the end T said, "OK my Dear"

NEXT!

The one I keep replaying over and over in my head, from this past Tuesday's session -

It was the first time I cried in front of T. When I grabbed a tissue, I said, "This is the first time I've needed one of these in here." I looked up at T - she had a big smile on her face and said, "Is it? Good for you!"

when one of the kid peeps was chatting with t he told her that stumpy was looking at her (stumpy NEVER has) ...and she got a HUGE smile and said "yes and it feels so good"

he also told her to not say anything to stumpy because then she would get all nervous and t said she never would because she didn't want it to ever stop and that she was so proud of stumpy for all the hard work she had been doing.

my last therapist once told me (when i was being overly self-critical) to stop talking smack about her client. that made me giggle.

I had a good session yesterday It was the first time I let go and really sobbed. The way she talked to me during that time was so gentle, I was amazed. I think about it now and smile

When I went in for my session last week, it had been two weeks since I had seen T. She sat down, and with this big smile on her face said "It's really good to see you." The thing that made me so was that I know she meant it.

It always makes me when T tells me he thinks about me outside of session.

This summer when T came back from a vacation, I asked him if he thought about me while he was gone. It was a hard time for me because of things going on with my mom's health. He told me he didn't know how I would feel about it, but that he prayed for me every day while he was gone. I thought it was so sweet of him to be taking care of me even when he was far away

^ pdoc says he prays for me, too. that makes me feel really special.

Austin-T and i have a lot of fun, because he's South African and keeps using phrases that are common there but that I don't understand. he told me yesterday is it ok to call him whenever i want, at any time, and that made me feel nice.

I like it too when T indicates he's thought of me outside of session.

On the way to session one day, we arrived at the same time in the parking lot, walked into the building together, and got on the elevator. Our previous session had been very volatile. As soon as the elevator doors shut, T said to me, "how are you? I've been worried about you all week." I loved not only that he had been thinking of me all week, but that he didn't even wait until we were in his office to tell me that, like he couldn't wait to see if I was OK.

When my T came back from her vacation, she told me she had been thinking of me that week, and she was wondering how I was doing with everything going on at home. It made me feel good that she thought of me outside of the session, as well.

These are great to read - leaves me feeling lighthearted and warm. I guess i could have explained that T NEVER says "Ok my dear" - that is my Dr's thing (who now works in the same building). So, A. it was a nice reminder that my Dr works there (they are "best buds" according to Dr) and B. it was sooooo nice to think that inspite of it all, I AM t's. I belong to her now. ok MY dear. i loved it.

Tonight also at community dinner we ended up sitting across from each other. She was talking to someone the whole time, but at the end leaned across the table to get my attention. I can't even remember what she said other than "I'm glad you came tonight". And when she put her dishes away, walked behind me and talked again with the person, then put both hands on my shoulders lightly to let me know "Yes I am still here and still thinking about you." My lils really felt loved in that moment.

I was usually his first client of the day and was usually there before him. I'd sit in my car and wait for him. It seems every session he'd get out of his car, smile at me, and give me his little wave on the way to the door. Once he had to run inside to get a shovel for the pathway. Another time his wiper blades were all iced up and he was clearing the chunks of ice off them. But smiling, always smiling at me...Little things, but I still remember them clearly and they still are reminders of him that make me . And watching him with his dog was another. The dog followed him everywhere. He got up. The dog got up. He sat down. The dog sat down. I even saw him kiss his dog on the head. Or then there was the sparkly-eyed look he'd get whenever he spoke about his child. And the time he whipped out pictures of her to show off. I'm sure I could go on, but I'd better stop...

Once when i t and i had a big rupture, she told me if i wasn't happy with the way therapy was going, perhaps i'd like to consider going to see somebody else. That really hurt and scared me, so i wrote her an email telling her how i feel, and that i did not want to leave. She wrote back,

I am not wanting you to be scared, just to know that I care enough to want the best for you. Rub your hands over your heart, feel who resides there-we’ll be fine. we’ll be fine.

Another one:

I’m not going to run from you no matter what the emotion is because I like you just the way you are, emotions and all.

These posts are all so wonderful! Thanks for the thread, Kiya.

When she has said "that's wonderful, rainbow," and I know she means it.
When she gave me a tylenol and had to go upstairs to get it and a cup for me.
When she said "I'll be delighted to see you" after our 4 month break.
When she gets happy for me--I can always tell.
When her eyes start tearing after something I've said.
When she hugged me at our final session.

Awww ....I like this thread Time for me to add my thought.

When T calls me( dear, sweetheart, adorable, ect)
When T takes a small interest in something because she remembered how much I liked it.. ( watching 2 minutes of a football game on TV that I was going to or bringing me a poetry book that she thought might interest me.)
When T brings back a souvenir from a vacation that she has taken. Almost always a stuffed animal of some sort. I love them.
When T hugs me at the end of each session. It's usually a nice long hug. T is so warm and nurturing. I received very little positive touch as a kid.
When T is genuinely happy for me.. I can see it in her eyes.
When T tells me " SW628 you can talk to me about anything, don't ever feel embarrassed". I've never had that freedom before.
When T mentioned her group and said how excited she would be if I decided to come to attend.
T gives 100 percent in everything that she does.
When T wears her very pretty earthy earrings. She's very pretty anyway but this just adds to it

There's more but I'll stop for now.

Early in therapy, so many sessions I could do nothing but cry the entire session. I would apologize and one time she replied with a smile "It's okay. You might need to do that a while. .. You may need to do that for a long time." It felt so accepting to me and eased my fears, that I couldn't even articulate, of being judged and rejected.

Another time I was telling her the self-recriminations and self-judgements that I had told myself about a certain situation. She commented on 'noticing' that I was telling myself things I'd heard growing up, someone else's words. Yes, I agreed and added that still I couldn't stop. I kept telling myself "this" and "that" and "the other" and ...

"In case you forgot" she said, evenly.

We both cracked up. Yes, I was taking on the original speaker's words and saying them to myself: you are unworthy, you are unlovable, you are too this and too that....
In case I forgot.
I haven't forgotten that and I use it to lighten my mood and to ask myself if I am making sure I don't forget. This level of exploration of this experience was lighthearted and the lightheartedness allowed for further exploration.

T sayings that make me feel are:

"I wouldn't have it any other way." (when we were discussing caring feelings for each other)

"It's good to hear your voice."

"It's nice to hear you laugh."

"That's how my wife feels about her therapist." (I know, it sounds weird but he was letting me know all of my feelings were okay....)

These are all so heartwarming to read!

I thought of another one. T never comments on what I'm wearing. She did compliment me on a new haircut once, but that's been it. So our first session back this week from her vacation, I had to come straight from work - T's first words were how great I looked, she was just raving and asked if I was going somewhere special (besides therapy, LOL?). It made me feel very good.

pdoc said he had missed me the last time i saw him.

that felt really nice, because it was such an off the cuff remark (he hadn't planned to say it, he just sat down and was like "woah, i missed you - it feels like it's been ages"), and it had only been 2 weeks so we had only missed one session.

My list of things

Googley in response to me moving for school) saying that I wanted to take my T with me in my suitcase when I moved. T:"Anywhere but Maine"

I came in to session and was having major cognitive distortions that my T and Pdoc were trying to get rid of me. Right after I sat down, before I said anything she asked me what was wrong in this totally caring voice. I know that I sat down differently but she didn't know what was wrong. She was so kind as we worked through it.

After my T went on vacation when she came back I told her that I had missed her and she said "I missed you too."

There are others, but I can't list them all.

these really are great =)
i like that ppl are adding pdoc too... so i will ad psych nurse. i only met her once (and it was an hour long) and she said i was very smart never believe T when she says it, so it was nice to hear PNP say it (even tho i looked at my shoes).

When I dyed my hair, the first thing she said was that it looked fantastic!

I came in sorta dressed up one day, and she told me how great I looked. She also said "Are you going anywhere? Cause you should totally go somewhere with that outfit on." (ironically, I did end up going out that night, and that's where I met my most recent ex boyfriend )

Today she told me that with what I'm going through, I need to be good to myself and take time to care for myself.

Last session my T said I had an amazing brain. I had to laugh out loud because I couldn't believe she said that. I don't think she meant in a negative way either! lol

For the record, I love it when T goes parental on me...it shows me that she cares.