wanting more from t

I want so badly to call my t. Not because I feel she would actually help me, but because I want her to be the kind of t who I want her to be. Someone who WOULD help me. I feel badly now that I am looking elsewhere. I need help and I know if I called her about this issue she will get rough with me.

I weighed myself this eve and I lost another couple of pounds. I know this isnt ED forum, but I share here so I hope its OK. I know tomorrow morning Iwill be 111-112. Its too low and I feel out of control. I need help now for this stuff. My t has never called me manuipulative but when I talk about this issue with her now she goes silent and tells me "you know, ____, I dont want to talk about food with you." In other words, she thinks Im getting something out of this/manipulating her by bringing it up. If there is anything (and there are lots of things) that she is wrong about its that. I have to work somehow on my ED issues that never seem to get better, it just changes form periodically. When we have worked on it in the past its real surfacey- I should eat healthy, nourish my body, exercise etc. Well, if I could, I would, ya know?

My thought was to go to this ED place near me and find a therapist there and make that one of my interviews. This is an important issue for me to work on so maybe I should try that. The problem is, once food is relatively under control, the t has to be able to deal with what comes up and the rest of me. My t supposedly specializes in ED. That always amazed me b/c she is not real good at ED. Maybe she is better at compulsive overeating, but not at what Im doing. I need to make an appt now/soon. This weight scares me and I dont know where it will end or how to get help real soon- I refuse to go in-patient (which is what my t threatens me with).

((((((((((clk6))))))))))) I'm so glad you're meeting with other Ts so you can compare and decide what is best for you I'm sorry you're struggling with your weight. I have been going through a very rough time and today I think I hit rock bottom. I ended up SIng and needed to get medical care. I guess it all has to do with feelings. Avoiding our feelings, feeling them, wow it's just too hard.

(((((clk6)))))

I think telling the Ts you interview that you have an eating disorder is important. It could be a specialized area that you want to make sure your new T has expertise in.

You've probably read a lot about treatment for eating disorders. What type of approach do you think would help you? Maybe a T at the ED place would be helpful.

(((((coconut64)))))

((((((((((((((clk)))))))))))))))))

I do think it's important to find someone who works with ED. I wouldn't trade my T now for ANYTHING, but he doesn't specialize in ED and that's been tricky at times. My guess is that a T is going to want to get you a bit stabilized in terms of the ED before really diving into the trauma stuff (although i could be wrong!)..

I think going to the ED place and interviewing a therapist is a GREAT idea.

Do they have any kind of IOP at the ED place?? I know how impossibly hard that would be with kids, but as an alternative to the hospital, it might be a good start...

I'm going to PM you an ED website that has been kind of helpful to me.

to you

(((((Oh, Coconut )))))- Please take gentle car of yourself and be safe. Treat yourself lovingly, please DId the docs take good care of you?

I know how hard that can be- I recently had a prob with SI and its a continuous struggle. Even if you cant think of yourself in a loving way, please know that I do and we all do here

Sunny- I have to find someone specialized in ED- I thought my t was a that person! But apparently not. This psych place has therapists that do Ed and I thought the therapists looked too young from the pics on their website, but I'll go check again. I cant see someone real young....there is soeone else but she is a good 45 min away from me.
Ive had endless treatment for bulimia, but i am not bulimic now and its been a real long time since I did any of that. Anorexia seems to be a final frontier- controlling my food and feelings so Im not out of control. I think it is about trusting and letting go. Im terrified.

Tree- You are right. It seems to always be the first order of business that I cannot work on much unless my brain is nourished, I know that but I cant seem to feel comfortable enough to act on what I know. I had breakfast this morning...blah! What is IOP? Like a more intensive outpatient thing? It would probaby help. I did that years ago for aftercare after I got out of rehab for bulimia. It was so helpful to get constant support. I stopped all those behaviors and my weight was normal. I feel like I need a babysitter.

CLK6,

I think you have a great idea of going to the ED place near your home and looking for/interviewing for a therapist there! Like you mentioned, the food issue is of most importance now. You'd be able to find a therapist who is skilled with ED and can help you! And you have a good shot at finding a therapist this time whose personality and therapy style will suit you better. Don't worry about the t having to deal with the rest of your issues that will arise. T's know that behind EDs are other issues that need to be addressed. I'd say "go for it!" See what kind of therapy/therapists are available to work with you. You don't need to make any final decision yet.

I'm sorry you're having a problem with your ED now. I agree it would be best to have a T knowledgeable about EDs. I don't understand how your current T could say she specializes in treating them if she just tells you to "eat" without addressing the underlying reasons why you don't.

I wouldn't rule out "soothing voice T" though. You can ask if she has experience with EDs.

I would also suggest being sure an ED T meets your needs in the other ways you've discussed.

Oh, your name just got changed to bluemoon6. I thought I was in the wrong place! It matches your avatar! Cool!!

LOL! I just noticed that too! My name has been changed!!!!!!

I PMd Doc John- clk6 was a little.....revealing..... Even tho I liked it too......

I like BluMoon6 tho