therapist's gender...

Thanks for this thread! I have been researching therapists as I do need to see one. I have both father and mother issues. Dad killed himself when I was 8..so I feel like I have spent a lot of time in my romantic life "looking for Daddy" (married 3 times). Mom and I were very best friends until my divorce (10 years ago) at which time she just clung to my brother and his wife and her family. CSA by a non family member when I was 10 (I do have trust issues with men). Major abandoment issues. At this point (and I would appreciate any insight by those that are in therapy) I am feeling like I would probably doetter with a woman. I think if I had a male, well.. would I continue the "looking for Daddy thing"...????

I have had male and female Pdocs. Since the details of abuse and such for me are less detailed with my pdocs it hasn't mattered. But I have only see female Ts. I find it interesting given that the verbal and emotional abuse I suffered growing up was from my mom. I think in some ways I'm looking for someone to fill that place of acceptance. I have major trust issues and issues/ fears of people in position of authority (especially women), so I don't know why I would search for female Ts, but I do anyway. I know the sexual/intimacy stuff I would never feel comfortable talking about with a guy. (No offense intended to those guys out there.)

I couldn't imagine a female liking me either - but then I don't expect anyone to like me so I guess that wasn't the deciding factor. I, like others, would not be able to open up about any very private things to a male T, nor woudl I expect them to be particularly sensitive or even caring for that matter, so even though most of my issues are related to my mother I looked for a woman. Expectations... erceptions...realities... not the same, but so interconnected.... interesting thread. I am so glad I have my T

Not a therapist as such..kinda counsellor/therapist but he is male. I saw a female counsellor in the past and I prefer the man I see now. It could be just personality of the individuals that makes me decide that. I feel more comfortable around men generally though in this sorta relationship, they feel less judgemental to me.

male therapists creep me out period....ive had 2 female T's......

women are better listeners period....thats my take

Those thoughts might be something to analyze, Brian. Maybe opening up emotionally with another male makes you uncomfortable?

My male therapist was a wonderful listener.

My therapist makes a better therapist/mommy than most women would I think.

I saw one woman for a while when he was gone, and a few once or twice for one reason or another. I ended up not feeling very positively about them, but that was also true about the one other male therapist I saw a few times.

I can't really imagine finding another therapist who was neither too hard nor too soft, but just right. I have a vague feeling it might be a bit more likely with a man. But a sensible, accepting woman with a lively sense of the ridiculous might work as well. I'd actually considering ditching my therapist if my female neurologist ever took up therapy.

I do have a strong preference for women doctors though. I've never yet met a doctor who was too soft, but many that were too hard. More men than women. Although I had a female obgyn who was as granite. And my son's male pediatrician is just right. So I guess it depends on the individual. When I find a good one, I hold on.

I've heard it's becoming an increasingly female profession...

it is! in my graduate class of 38, there were 6 men! makes me kinda sad. i think female psychiatrists are far outnumbered by men too...

This question has been asked before and I have always said "MALE T" without even thinking twice.

I feel more comfortable talking with males and I don't think I could have, with a woman, the deep, yet humorous and bantering relationship that I have with my T.

However, through therapy I have become someone who is more open to experiences. Although I would never think about changing Ts, if I just use my imagination here, I don't think that I would be as adverse to a female T as I used to be.

It doesn't mean I would ever choose a female T! My marriage T was female. She was quite a bit older than me, and I liked that a lot. I liked it too much; like I wanted her to adopt me The strong feelings are inevitable for me, male or female. With females, it's very mother-like. It can also be the opposite-- a strong dislike, sometimes jealousy, competitive. With a male T, the whole protective dad thing is there, but the sexual and loving desires have played a part in how I feel about my T.

I think I would describe our relationship the same way. And for some reason I tend to think that dynamic comes more easily with the yin/yang dynamics of a male therapist. I could be wrong.

My therapy has always been based on a parent/child dynamic. Sometimes more daddy/daughter, sometimes more mommy/daughter. No hint of eros has ever crept in. But even so, I think it would be very hard to replicate with a woman. That would likely be more mother/daughter (not mommy/daughter) or friend/friend, I'd think.

My therapist thinks my experience of my female therapists as being more impatient of me the way I am and pushing more to change might be something I'd be more likely to experience with female therapists because of the way I present, and the list of replacements he gave me, should heaven forbid something happen to him, were all men. Because I never change when pushed. Only when accepted with humor and warmth.

And, if I'm really going to be reflective, I experienced my mother as engulfing and devouring. I tend to find too much warmth from a woman terrifying. Those qualities are somehow wrapped up in my mind with "woman".

i think this is particularly interesting because thats the kind of relationship i have with all my male clients, but i havent had that with the women....they havent traditionally been interested in humor or banter, so i adjust to that. but the men value that part a lot.