[BlueMoon6]

I really like the sound of schema therapy. It sounds like something that could heal my little girl and heal me too. And grow me up. I plan on asking t's if they have heard of this type of therapy (is it a type of therapy...or an orientation? How would I word that?).

I spoke to the ED therapist (recommended by a friend)and made yet another appt for next week. I have THREE interviews next week and it means I have to cancel both of my t appts next week. I really dont want to see her but I feel so AWFUL about cancelling. I feel like I am doing such a horrid thing to her, she has seen me for 1 yr 5 mos and cared about me and now I am turning on her and looking for someone else. I feel like a sneak.

The t I spoke with today was the best one so far. At first we just talked insurance and then I asked questions about ED and it went on and on. She told me she was a CBT therapist and I said "oh...." in a disappointed tone. We talked about how I have had enough of talking exclusively about today's issues and I dont mind going into how my past affects my life today, but I need to go deeper into childhood sadness and feelings. She asked me about abuse and if I ever did trauma work. I said no although I have had plenty of therapy. She asked me aobut triggers in my daily life. My daily life is one big trigger. And we talked about that empty place inside of me where I feel like I have no inner strength to draw on. She said she does trauma work ("we could work on that for a week or two, but I do bring it back to how trauma effects your life as youare living now"). She explained a lot about trauma and herself and her specialties. She sounds like she deals with the issues I have to work on. I was surprised we got into so much on the phone. She even called from her home phone and the number was there. Nothing blocked. She told me b/c we got cut off and I called her back. I started feeling very frightened when she asked me about trauma and csa. I felt like I wanted to get off the phone and stop talking. It was panic. Maybe b/c I dont know her. I dont know how I will ever get into this. My last t was the only person I ever told about it and even then I wrote it down for my t to read and couldnt say much. I felt like I couldnt go there. I am so afraid of meeting any of these therapists. I dont want to tell anyone anything. I STILL feel like Im not supposed to tell anyone. That feeling never goes away. I feel like something terrible will happen to me.

This sucks. I want to work with someone on trauma but I cant speak. I am so scared of these appts and now I have to call and cancel my regulat t appt for monday morning (and cancel thursday) and its already fri at 4:38. I dont want to make the call. I want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head.

Anyway, Im rambling....but it is really all good b/c at the very least I am making a move. Its just fear and I can even say that at the interviews, even if my voice and hands are shaking. The main thing I do want to remember is to ask if the t knows how to work with a patient with schema therapy. And healing my inner child who causes me so much pain. Im going to go read that link (I think Deli posted it?).

((((((((((blue))))))))))

i'll try to write more later but i did want to say you are not turning on your current t. she is your t. you pay for her help. that is much different than a friendship. she is not able to help you in a way that you need so you need to look elsewhere. that doesn't mean you and she don't care about each other but it's still a professional relationship. you are not betraying her or doing anything wrong by checking out new ts.

also you don't need to dive into trauma work until you are ready. maybe it can be enough to know that some of these ts do trauma work and just leave it at that? you can even tell the others that you talk to that you just want to know if they do trauma work but you don't feel comfortable discussing too many details until you feel safe with them. it is totally okay to go slowly with this. first step is just to find a new t that would be a good fit.

the schema thing does sound interesting. since it might be hard to find someone who specializes in that you could also look for someone who can do the inner child(ren) work. it sounds like lots of ts do that and there are different ways of doing it like inner family systems therapy and ego state therapy sounds similar too. if it's helpful you might want to make a list of what's most important in a t for you and prioritize those qualities and then see which t has the most of the qualities you are looking for and especially the qualities that are most important to you. it sounds like the connection is very important for you, and being empathetic and kind, willing to deal with the past stuff in some fashion be it trauma, schema or inner child work, and your ED too.

ok, i guess i said it all now.

[Dr.Muffin]

the thing you have to understand about trauma is that you cannot force it when it comes to treatment. when we get traumatized, there is a reason why we forget or cant speak in depth about it and that is because our brains know that we are not ready to go there yet. so it protects us until we are strong enough to handle the flood of emotions that is sure to come with exposing that wound. i would urge you to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. i know that intellectually, you want to work through it, but emotionally, you might not be able to handle it yet. and thats not a bad thing or a good thing. it just is. csa abruptly yanks away your childhood and robs you of the joy or innocence, you cant just will yourself better. that can serve to re-traumatize IMO.

schema therapy has a lot of facets of object relations therapy. so if you find a psychodynamic therapist who has the OR orientation, the language may be a little different but the idea is mostly the same (that the dysfunctional childhood environment has lead to dysfunctional adult behavior, and you cannot address present behavior without acknowledging the past that causes it)

[Confused_1982]

I just wrote a huge message and lost it

But the gist of it was that if you felt comfortable with the CBT T, then give her a chance and go in with an open mind. She said she was willing to work on your trauma, which is a good sign already, and you felt she was open. I am in CBT and we do go back sometimes if T (or I) thinks its important to find out where certain thinking/behaviours started. BUt we do always come back to how it affects my behaviours now, and sometimes that is enough to change my thoughts/feelings about things.

If you find it difficult to talk, it is important you find a T you feel safe with, but you dont have to say anything you dont want to these Ts. You dont have to go into detail until you are ready. They wont expect you to put your life on the table in the first session. They expect us to withold information until they have proven themselves to be trustworthy to us.

About your current T- does she know you are looking for another T? You arent being a sneak, you are doing what you think is best for you at the moment- Ts want that for us too, even if it means cancelling or walking away. If you feel guilty about it, maybe you could email her to tell her?

[BlueMoon6]

Bloom and Dr. M- Thank you for what you both wrote. I feel better in the way that I wont expect myself to work on trauma until I am more comfortable doing it. I have heard a lot about "re-traumatizing" but what exactly does that mean?
I am afraid that if I do talk about it I wont be able to function in my normanl daily life. And it would have to be a really long session for me to get myself back after such a flood of emotions.

What is Ego States therapy?

Bloom- I think can say that to an interview t- that at some point I want to work on trauma, but not until I feel safe and comfortable.
The things you mentioned are very important to me- the connection with a therapist, being empathetic and kind, being able to go deeper, and to understand what is going on with me not eating and fears about that. It will really help me if I can keep these things in mind so I know what I am looking for. I have so many pages of stuff written out that I will truly look like a nutcase going in there with 8 pages of requirements. But Im not really going by all of that- if I like her and she can work with me, its a done deal. I think I need the papers like a blankie.

[BlueMoon6]

Confused- no my t doesnt know Im looking. But we have talked about what is difficult for me with her. So- I dont think it will be a total surprise. And she doesnt do email....Im not surprised about that with her. I think I will be saying a lot of "I dont want to go into detail today" to the therapists. And it is going to be very strange to say the same thing 3 days in a row to 3 different people.
Im glad you said that about CBT. She seemed to have gone into more detail about her orientation (she used the word eclectic) after I was disappointed with the CBT thing. She did say she does consider it important to process the trauma and work on triggers in daily life.
That actually is a good place to start (for a session- not an interview, I guess). Things that trigger me- especially with my children when they get sad.

[Dr.Muffin]

i have found that most therapists have a specific orientation, but that they are pretty well-versed (or willing to become so) in other forms of therapy that would be helpful to the client. that is the way all the therapists i know operate.

IMO a therapist's theoretical orientation colors the way they would conceptualize your problems, however, a good therapist will adapt to what the client needs. some people need homework, some cant stand it. some people need questions answered, some would rather you guide them and let them discover the answers themselves. some people, need to feel a lot of warmth and feel like the therapist enjoys being around them, while others are not as interested in that and would prefer that the therapist keep their emotional distance. good therapists are different things to different people, depending upon what each person needs.

as for re-traumatizing....its hard to explain. its like if you were assaulted and you felt violated and afraid and angry and unsure if you would ever feel safe walking by yourself again, and then you went to the police. and the police implied that you shouldnt have been walking by yourself, and you made yourself a target and really, its your fault it happened. how you would feel then would be the re-traumatizing. you went to an authority to help and instead of empathy or protection, you the victim were blamed. you would probably feel all the same things you felt at the assault, in addition to feeling less safe and like theres no where you can go for support or protection.

did that make sense? the abrupt interruption of your normalcy was traumatic during your childhood. to forcibly do that again now, can only serve to re-traumatize you and leave you in an emotional state youre unable to handle.

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Bloom and Dr. M- Thank you for what you both wrote.

yw

What is Ego States therapy?

i don't really know much about it but i think sunny has done it. it seems similar to inner child work in that it deals with the various parts/states/children inside.

Bloom- I think can say that to an interview t- that at some point I want to work on trauma, but not until I feel safe and comfortable.
The things you mentioned are very important to me- the connection with a therapist, being empathetic and kind, being able to go deeper, and to understand what is going on with me not eating and fears about that. It will really help me if I can keep these things in mind so I know what I am looking for. I have so many pages of stuff written out that I will truly look like a nutcase going in there with 8 pages of requirements. But Im not really going by all of that- if I like her and she can work with me, its a done deal. I think I need the papers like a blankie.

there are soooooo many different types of therapy that i think it's good to focus on the big picture. i could probably do a lot of different types of therapy and they would be helpful. your papers have probably been good to help you really think thru what you need. i had to go thru a similar process since i'd done therapy in the past with several different ts over a number of years and it just wasn't very helpful. i decided i needed someone psychodynamic to deal with past stuff and started looking at different people and when i found mine everything just kind of lined up. she has the warmth, the psychodynamic part, and we have so many similarities in our backgrounds (same 12-step program, lots of arts stuff, etc) that we really clicked. i didn't even know that the connection/fit was a big part of it before i came to pc. if i'd known that i probably wouldn't have worked with 2 of the 3 ts i've seen in the past. you could always just write an short outline or list of the main things you want in a t if you don't want to take all the papers. it could be a corner of the blankie.

also, with your current t you could just tell her you want to take a break because you aren't sure therapy is helping right now. then, once you decide on a new t you could go back and let her know or call her or whatever is most comfortable. someone else on here did that and it seemed to work for them.

i learn so much hanging around pc. learning to break things down into bite-sized pieces seems so helpful to not get so overwhelmed by our emotions. i'm trying to do it a bit more and it does seem to help.

[BlueMoon6]

You really got lucky and are VERY fortunate that things lined up. I also didnt know until I was reading here how important the relationship is. But it all makes so much sense now.

Your idea to make an outline from the papers is a very good idea. I'l do that this wkend. And I also think I will take a short break before coming back and saying I want to go. This week seems to be my break. I dont know what I'll say to her machine.

I am looking for a t who will allow me to break things down into bite size pieces so as not to get so overwhelmed. That will go onto the corner of the blankie...outline, I mean

blue, were you the one whose t gave you an enigmatic smile when asking about her vacation? i just read something in a book on the therapeutic relationship and i think i understand why the t responded that way. if it was you then i'll say more.

Originally Posted by Dr.Muffin

schema therapy has a lot of facets of object relations therapy. so if you find a psychodynamic therapist who has the OR orientation, the language may be a little different but the idea is mostly the same (that the dysfunctional childhood environment has lead to dysfunctional adult behavior, and you cannot address present behavior without acknowledging the past that causes it)

Interesting - my T uses object relations therapy. I'm just now realizing that my T uses other therapeutic methods, too. T told me that she likes to focus on building the relationship first between the two of us, but we've slowly worked in some CBT for some current issues. And now we're going to try EMDR.

BlueMoon, I think you have a good idea of what you want in a T. And I think after next week's interviews with 3 different Ts, you'll be able to come out of that and figure out who you're most comfortable with - trust your instincts, on who makes you feel the best, whobvalidates your feelings, who gives you the most support, and who's most willing to go on the journey that you want to go on!

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by bloom3

blue, were you the one whose t gave you an enigmatic smile when asking about her vacation? i just read something in a book on the therapeutic relationship and i think i understand why the t responded that way. if it was you then i'll say more.

It was me- tell me more.....was there some reason for the smile? She has done the smile-thing about other things I ask/say too. No response, just the smile. Whatever. What did the book say?

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

Interesting - my T uses object relations therapy. I'm just now realizing that my T uses other therapeutic methods, too. T told me that she likes to focus on building the relationship first between the two of us, but we've slowly worked in some CBT for some current issues. And now we're going to try EMDR.

Your t sounds really good- that she uses different methods for what is needed. After a relationship has been developed.

BlueMoon, I think you have a good idea of what you want in a T. And I think after next week's interviews with 3 different Ts, you'll be able to come out of that and figure out who you're most comfortable with - trust your instincts, on who makes you feel the best, whobvalidates your feelings, who gives you the most support, and who's most willing to go on the journey that you want to go on!

I am going to make an outline from the pages I have- I dont know if I'll take it out, but what you just wrote is what I will have to think about after the week is over. I hope it is clear to me- I keep thinking I could be more confused and like all of them.

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

It was me- tell me more.....was there some reason for the smile? She has done the smile-thing about other things I ask/say too. No response, just the smile. Whatever. What did the book say?

blue, i just got this book today called between therapist & client-the new relationship and it's all about combining the best of the psychodynamics (focus on the relationship, transference, & insight) with the warmth and unconditional positive regard of the humanistic ts. if you're really into all this stuff you might want to check it out or get it from the library to even read the first chapter which really gives a great overview how all this developed within psychotherapy.

anyway, it looks like what your current t does is classic, old-school psychodynamic. they try to be neutral, blank slate rather then warm and empathetic to allow your internal conflicts to arise. there is also something about "frustrating the client" in this approach! one of the main things they do is not answer questions directly. i'm just going to type the paragraph here because it sounds so much like your t:

they believed that for therapy to progress, the analytic process required "optimal frustration". thus, the analyst seldom responded directly to the patient. in fact, the ideal wa never to respond directly. questions were not answered, pleasantries were not returned, compliments were not acknowledged, and accusations were not countered. the rule was "the analyst gives the patient nothing but interpretations".

it goes on and talks about how their silence or non-response can frustrate the client but this allows the inner conflicts to be unearthed. later it talks about how now ts see that this approach can be terrible:

kohut argued persuasively that clients saw the cold, unyielding stance of some contemporary analysts as the most painful and destructive sort of rejection. this was just the sort of rejection by the client's family that had gotten him into trouble in the first place. trying to cure it with more of the same was like pouring gasoline on the fire.

his thesis is the middle way which sounds really good to me:

a middle way that combines the advantages of warm engagement with the advantages of working actively with the relationship itself.

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by Bloom3

anyway, it looks like what your current t does is classic, old-school psychodynamic. they try to be neutral, blank slate rather then warm and empathetic to allow your internal conflicts to arise. there is also something about "frustrating the client" in this approach! one of the main things they do is not answer questions directly. i'm just going to type the paragraph here because it sounds so much like your t:

they believed that for therapy to progress, the analytic process required "optimal frustration". thus, the analyst seldom responded directly to the patient. in fact, the ideal wa never to respond directly. questions were not answered, pleasantries were not returned, compliments were not acknowledged, and accusations were not countered. the rule was "the analyst gives the patient nothing but interpretations".
it goes on and talks about how their silence or non-response can frustrate the client but this allows the inner conflicts to be unearthed. later it talks about how now ts see that this approach can be terrible:

kohut argued persuasively that clients saw the cold, unyielding stance of some contemporary analysts as the most painful and destructive sort of rejection. this was just the sort of rejection by the client's family that had gotten him into trouble in the first place. trying to cure it with more of the same was like pouring gasoline on the fire.

OMG OMG OMG That is EXACTLY what is going on in the room with my t. And I always knew she was old-school psychoanalytic. She had said something to that effect before.
She told me she had been more of a blank wall in the past but now she feels she can give more of herself to be more human. I dont see her as more human at all. And I dont like talking to a blank wall. She doesnt answer questions directly. It is a very invalidating feeling and I feel like my questions are dismissed as....unimportant or.......something.

This relationship with her has felt like the worst kind of rejection because I expected something different. I thought, as I always have thought, that there is something wrong with me. That she doesnt really care, but why should she care about me? I have posted before that interacting with her triggers awful feelings about my mother. Though I have learned a lot from her, there have been many, many painful moments because of the way she acts to me. It IS like trying to cure me with more of the same. And it DOES feel like pouring gasoline on the fire.

Thank you so much for posting this- what has been going on is becoming very clear to me.

((((((((((((((((blue))))))))))))))))

so glad it made some sense of your experience with current t. basically, the book says insight is not enough to bring healing. we have to have the warmth to be able to deal with the insight. at least i think that's what they're saying.

i think i experienced "optimal frustration" with all those past ts and finally educated myself a bit about this process to find my good t now, lol. it still is a weird process to me as i prefer some structure and therapy can be so unstructured. if they think i am supposed to know what to do then i wouldn't be there in the first place. so, how can i lead my therapy? it's only from learning about how therapy works that i'm started to make progress. the book talks about how freud's actual therapy was very different from what he taught others to do. he was warm and engaged and active rather than the blank slate, and silent and non-engaged which is what he taught and some client's end up with.

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Your t sounds really good- that she uses different methods for what is needed. After a relationship has been developed.


I am going to make an outline from the pages I have- I dont know if I'll take it out, but what you just wrote is what I will have to think about after the week is over. I hope it is clear to me- I keep thinking I could be more confused and like all of them.

well, if you like all of them, what could you possibly have to lose?? that would be great news! better than if you disliked all of them...

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by bloom3

blue, i just got this book today called between therapist & client-the new relationship and it's all about combining the best of the psychodynamics (focus on the relationship, transference, & insight) with the warmth and unconditional positive regard of the humanistic ts. if you're really into all this stuff you might want to check it out or get it from the library to even read the first chapter which really gives a great overview how all this developed within psychotherapy.

anyway, it looks like what your current t does is classic, old-school psychodynamic. they try to be neutral, blank slate rather then warm and empathetic to allow your internal conflicts to arise. there is also something about "frustrating the client" in this approach! one of the main things they do is not answer questions directly. i'm just going to type the paragraph here because it sounds so much like your t:


it goes on and talks about how their silence or non-response can frustrate the client but this allows the inner conflicts to be unearthed. later it talks about how now ts see that this approach can be terrible:


his thesis is the middle way which sounds really good to me:

yeah, thats like classic psychoanalysis....its interesting and i think it has its place. but its not for every client and ive seen it alienate people a lot of times. like when i was working in a group home with adolescent girls...it was me and another therapist, and she was very much like that...never answered questions directly, never volunteered even the tiniest bit of information (like when one of the girls noticed her wedding bands and said, "oh youre married?" and she pretty much refused to answer) and i couldnt think of a worse way to go about treating adolescents! analysis aint for everyone!

[sunrise]

Bluemoon, I don't think you are turning on your T and betraying her at all. Please don't feel guilty about that. Maybe just consider that you have outgrown her and what she has to offer. We need different things at different times in our lives, and in our therapy. Sometimes the T can adapt to our changing needs. Sometimes their skill set or approach doesn't allow it. That's OK--we move on. It doesn't have to end badly. Your T is trained and so should be able to handle your departure without letting it make her feel betrayed. If you feel her techniques are not helping you any longer, my bet is that she is feeling the same.

She said she does trauma work ("we could work on that for a week or two, but I do bring it back to how trauma effects your life as youare living now").

The comment about working on trauma for a week or two seems unrealistic. I think it usually takes longer than that.

What is Ego States therapy?

My eclectic T does ego state therapy. I think it is one of his favorite things. I liked it too. Of the other sorts of therapy named in this thread, I think it would be considered closest to internal family systems. Here is a ref:
http://www.clinicalsocialwork.com/overview.html
That page contains a definition of ego states that I really like:

[Paul] Federn believed that the personality was not simply a collection of perceptions, cognitions, and affects, but that these organized into clusters or patterns, which he called ego states. An ego state may be defined as an organized system of behavior and experience whose elements are bound together by some common principle.

When one of these states is invested with ego energy, it becomes "the self" in the here and now. We say it is "executive," and it experiences the other states (if it is aware of them at all) as "he," "she," or "it," because they are then currently invested with object energy.

Ego states may be large and include all the various behaviors and experiences activated in one's occupation. They may be small, like the behaviors and feelings elicited in school at the age of 6. They may represent current modes of behavior and experiences or, as with hypnotic regression, include many memories, postures, feelings, etc. that were apparently learned at an earlier age. They may be
organized into different dimensions. For example, an ego state may be built around the age of 10. Another one may represent patterns of behavior toward father and authority figures and thus overlap on experiences with father at the age of 10. Behaviors to accomplish a similar goal may be uniquely different from one ego state to another, especially in true multiple personalities.

I like to think of my "self" a large room jam packed with people, who are me at various times in my life. And some of them are not even clearly "me", but may appear to be other people. Most of the ego states are kind of shadowy and gray. But a few here and there are more prominent and stand out against the background of the others. These are the ones that may have experienced some trauma and so separated from the masses, probably in a protective effort. Some of the "non-me" states may also have arisen with a goal of protection, or something else. Anyway, that's my conception of my "self." I think it is an awesome responsibility that I, as the executive, have to keep all these states coordinated and working together. My T uses techniques from his main mode (family systems therapy) to help me learn to get along with some of the states, and to keep everyone working in harmony. I am proud of myself that I can do this.

Bluemoon, I think there are probably a number of different therapeutic approaches you could use to work on what you want to work on. Whether its schema therapy, or object relations, or ego state therapy, they could all potentially be used to meet your goals. So being set on one type of therapy only could lead to not being able to find the therapist you want. It may be hard to find a T who is female, who lives in your area, who does schema therapy, etc. With each absolute requirement, your pool of Ts diminishes. I hope the interviews go well. I think they are a good use of your limited weekly T hours. Whenever you go see your T, you seem to get really upset and not make progress on the issues that are important to you--so is it worth it?

[Dr.Muffin]

i think thats a great point, sunrise makes. i think knowing what you want in a therapist and the things you feel need work is more important than wanting a specific kind of therapy overall. if you can walk in and feel comfortable in that first meeting, thats a good sign that you and your therapist will work well together and i am of the opinion that the relationship is job one. once youre a team against the illness, you will be able to figure out what the two of you need to do to get you better.

as an aside....i know it can be difficult to terminate, but it isnt your job to take care of your therapist. just keep that in mind. if what she does isnt working for you, then it just isnt working. it doesnt mean she's a terrible therapist or that you are a terrible client. its just not a match and i hope you can move away from the guilty feelings around that. look at it as your first step to true self care.

((((((((((((((((((bluemoon)))))))))))))))

I just wanted to chime in about the trauma stuff.

First of all, it is something that you don't have to talk about until you are ready. For me, I know it's "time" to work on it a little bit when it's pushing at me a lot outside of session. And working on it means different things at different times. Sometimes I'm ready to go really deep with it, other times, all I can do is say a few sentences...but those few sentences bring up a lot of feelings (fear being the main one) and I think that working through those feelings is probably the most important thing. T told me recently "Time is what we've got"...which was so reassuring to me...because I feel like I can go as slowly as I need to. I think that's really important.

Also, I agree with Sunny - a week or two would NOT be enough time for me to process trauma stuff. I've been with my T for almost 2 years, and it's something we're still working on. It's just not neatly packaged up like that...we might work on current stuff for a while, and then on our relationship for a LONG while, and then dip into the trauma stuff a bit, and then we're back to the relationship, etc. There is a flow to it that I could never predict. I wonder if you could clarify that with her?? If she really believes trauma can be processed in a week or two, she might not be the one for you, even if everything else about her seems really good.

Finally...you are NOT cheating on your T. You really aren't responsible for her feelings. Things aren't working with her, and you have the right to move on so you can heal. That is what a good T would want you to do.

I can't wait to hear how your interviews go this week!! I think you are getting a really clear picture of what you want in a therapist, and that is so good

Wow, so much in this thread that I'm relating to!

a middle way that combines the advantages of warm engagement with the advantages of working actively with the relationship itself.

I really feel that this is how my T practices therapy, and it's really working for me.

I like to think of my "self" a large room jam packed with people, who are me at various times in my life. And some of them are not even clearly "me", but may appear to be other people. Most of the ego states are kind of shadowy and gray. But a few here and there are more prominent and stand out against the background of the others. These are the ones that may have experienced some trauma and so separated from the masses, probably in a protective effort. Some of the "non-me" states may also have arisen with a goal of protection, or something else. Anyway, that's my conception of my "self."

sunrise, the ego state therapy is very interesting to me. T and I have delved a bit into this, though not necessarily in the traditional sense. At first, T pointed out that my adult self did the talking in therapy, but it was my child self that contained the emotions that I wasn't yet ready to let out. Then, I read some of Alice Miller's books, so we talked about the true self vs. the false self - how I created the false self as a defense in childhood and hid my true self. But later on, when I was feeling like I wasted too much time hiding my true self, T wisely pointed out that I'm not just my true and false self, that there are many parts to my self, and that some of these parts always come through. And now that we're really starting to dig into the trauma, I think that's bringing up other parts of my self.

I just wanted to chime in about the trauma stuff. First of all, it is something that you don't have to talk about until you are ready. For me, I know it's "time" to work on it a little bit when it's pushing at me a lot outside of session. And working on it means different things at different times. Sometimes I'm ready to go really deep with it, other times, all I can do is say a few sentences...but those few sentences bring up a lot of feelings (fear being the main one) and I think that working through those feelings is probably the most important thing. T told me recently "Time is what we've got"...which was so reassuring to me...because I feel like I can go as slowly as I need to. I think that's really important.

I can really relate to this, tree! It's been an amazing 5 months for me, to see how the process is working for me. It never fails that when I am unsure of where to go next in therapy, something comes up that triggers an emotion or a memory, and we go from there. Or sometimes, T and I have been thinking along similar lines, but it's not until we both talk about it and then realize that we're both ready to head in the same direction - like now with the double sessions and with doing the EMDR for trauma work.

T has told me that I can come and go whenever I want, that there are no rules in therapy - how reassuring to know that if I'm ready to leave, I can always go back to T! (Not that I'm anywhere near ready to leave, mind you! ) That's how a T should make you feel - warm and welcomed, and that you are in control of your sessions, with T there to support and guide you. BlueMoon, please don't feel badly about leaving your current T - I really believe you and your family will be better off without her! Good luck next week - and hey, if you like all 3 Ts, even better! But I imagine that one will stick out in your mind more than the others. And it's okay if you can't decide after just one session, too - you can always try a few sessions before you decide if you want to stick with that T.

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by Sunrise

My eclectic T does ego state therapy. I think it is one of his favorite things. I liked it too. Of the other sorts of therapy named in this thread, I think it would be considered closest to internal family systems. Here is a ref:
http://www.clinicalsocialwork.com/overview.html
That page contains a definition of ego states that I really like:

I like to think of my "self" a large room jam packed with people, who are me at various times in my life. And some of them are not even clearly "me", but may appear to be other people. Most of the ego states are kind of shadowy and gray. But a few here and there are more prominent and stand out against the background of the others. These are the ones that may have experienced some trauma and so separated from the masses, probably in a protective effort. Some of the "non-me" states may also have arisen with a goal of protection, or something else. Anyway, that's my conception of my "self." I think it is an awesome responsibility that I, as the executive, have to keep all these states coordinated and working together. My T uses techniques from his main mode (family systems therapy) to help me learn to get along with some of the states, and to keep everyone working in harmony. I am proud of myself that I can do this.

Bluemoon, I think there are probably a number of different therapeutic approaches you could use to work on what you want to work on. Whether its schema therapy, or object relations, or ego state therapy, they could all potentially be used to meet your goals. So being set on one type of therapy only could lead to not being able to find the therapist you want. It may be hard to find a T who is female, who lives in your area, who does schema therapy, etc. With each absolute requirement, your pool of Ts diminishes. I hope the interviews go well. I think they are a good use of your limited weekly T hours. Whenever you go see your T, you seem to get really upset and not make progress on the issues that are important to you--so is it worth it?

There is so much here in your post. The quote about ego states pretty much taxed every brain cell in my head. I barely understood it and had to read it a couple of times. But your explanation is a little clearer. I will read it again another dozen times. I agree with this concept of ones (my) self. I seem to have many ego states in operation at once. Some more in control than others. I have a very young ego state (if that is what it is) that is often in control and takes over when I dont want her to and I watch from a distance the stuff she does. I dont feel a lot of control over her. The times I try to stop her I feel like I will explode. That is exactly what it feels like.

I do have a lot of things I want to bring up in the interviews- but my requirements arent written in stone. I will bring up schema therapy and ego states therapy. I will ask the t if they are familiar with these methods (is that what I should call it? Methods?) I will be able to tell if the t is open to it or not. I may get a response like"I believe in schema therapy" or something like that. If she gives a positive response, i'll be OK. The most imortant thing I am looking for is a warm person who can do deeper work and isnt going to be like this current t. I am hoping that is something I will be able to discern from a 1st meeting. Another fear is that I will "disappear" during my interview and wont remember much until later. I have to somehow keep myself present and listening. Maybe I'l take a video camera and......just kidding.....

But there are a LOT of t's in my area- a real lot and it seems like they ALL want patients who can come in the morning and are not asking for evening appts. In that way- Im in good shape. I dont have to come in after working hours. Those things are in my favor. And I have great insurance. So, I think Im a pretty desirable patient- until they get to know me and realize I want the world from them....

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by Dream

At first, T pointed out that my adult self did the talking in therapy, but it was my child self that contained the emotions that I wasn't yet ready to let out. Then, I read some of Alice Miller's books, so we talked about the true self vs. the false self - how I created the false self as a defense in childhood and hid my true self. But later on, when I was feeling like I wasted too much time hiding my true self, T wisely pointed out that I'm not just my true and false self, that there are many parts to my self, and that some of these parts always come through. And now that we're really starting to dig into the trauma, I think that's bringing up other parts of my self.

I just wanted to chime in about the trauma stuff. First of all, it is something that you don't have to talk about until you are ready. For me, I know it's "time" to work on it a little bit when it's pushing at me a lot outside of session. And working on it means different things at different times. Sometimes I'm ready to go really deep with it, other times, all I can do is say a few sentences...but those few sentences bring up a lot of feelings (fear being the main one) and I think that working through those feelings is probably the most important thing. T told me recently "Time is what we've got"...which was so reassuring to me...because I feel like I can go as slowly as I need to. I think that's really important.
That's how a T should make you feel - warm and welcomed, and that you are in control of your sessions, with T there to support and guide you. BlueMoon, please don't feel badly about leaving your current T - I really believe you and your family will be better off without her! Good luck next week - and hey, if you like all 3 Ts, even better! But I imagine that one will stick out in your mind more than the others. And it's okay if you can't decide after just one session, too - you can always try a few sessions before you decide if you want to stick with that T.

Your t sounds really good. And the fact that you have been with her for only 5 months tells me you are working very hard and are making amazing progress. And your t really knows what to do with you.

I am feeling less and less anxious about telling her I have to go. I have to cancel both appts for next week. Of course, I avoided this phone call. I was going to leave a message that said "I have to cancel" my appts. I do have to cancel b/c I have interview appts and another appt for my daughter, but actually, maybe I will just say on her machine, instead of sounding like I have some kind of emergency (I could have made these other appts at other times, but I choose to do them at therapy time, it worked better for me) I can say "I am cancelling my appts for monday and thursday." And leave it at that. It is more honest. And when I do talk to her I can tell her somthing closer to ther truth. I did have other appts, but I want to take a break. I intend on talking about her style making me feel worse and unable to work on what I need to.

And I really hope I dont dislike all 3! YIPES! I thnk I have 3 good referrals and someone should stand out as the winner.

Somehow this feels a little like an episode of The Apprentice......I feel like Donald Trump!

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

[B]
Somehow this feels a little like an episode of The Apprentice......I feel like Donald Trump!

you have the power, girl!