[oracat]

I'm a grad student and just started therapy for the 1st time in my life 3 weeks ago, at my campus health center. The point is, I have loads of education debt to pay off, and so it's crucial that I get a job after graduation ASAP. Plus since my mom has nothing saved up for retirement, I'm expected to support her as well. I can't do either unless I get a high-paying job. My lack of confidence, soft-spoken voice, stuttering problem and social anxiety will be my downfall. It's crucial that I deal wtih these problems ASAP. I've tried to deal with them all my life on my own but finally it's at the point where I need professional help. If I can't solve them then how can I pay off that debt and support my mother later in life?

Well my therapist is a doctoral student. She's nice and supportive and understanding, I like her a lot, but I felt like crap after leaving our last session the other day. I was talking about a lot of painful things and spent half the session crying. So far, all 3 of our sessions have been just me talking about my problems with little or no suggestions from her. I mean, she says things to suggest that she understands my feelings and where I'm coming from. She did suggest that I go to an interview skills workshop (which I did), but overall, I feel like she's not giving me any suggestions on what I can actually DO to deal with these social problems. She just sits and listens and reiterates what I'm saying.

At the beginning of every session she asks what I want to talk about. If I say I want to discuss my confidence issues, she'll say ok and then wait for me to continue. It doesn't seem like she has a structure or plan for our sessions. She said that part of her wanted to give me suggestions or do role play, etc, and the other part of her wanted to see if I can work it out on my own. Well if I could do the latter I wouldn't be in therapy! Isn't the point of therapy to get professional help and advice? She's a very nice person, don't get me wrong, but I'm worried that I will go through all 8 sessions with me just talking about my problems without getting any real suggestions from her. I'm not expecting her to SOLVE my problems. I just want professional advice and insights. She's supposed to be the professional, right?! I'm just feeling really confused and ****** right now. I have no one to talk to about this because I only see her once a week and I haven't told my family I'm in therapy (partly because they are part of the reason why I'm there).

What I want to know is, is this how therapy is supposed to be? Also, how do I stop crying during my sessions? I'm such a wreck that I lose control at every session. It really wastes a lot of time. Why do I even bother, really? It looks like therapy isn't going to work for me after all.

[jexa]

Don't give up hope!!!

It sounds like she isn't the therapist for you, that her approach is Rogerian (pretty sure), and that you are looking for something more focused on developing skills and tackling your problem, fast. You'd probably prefer a cognitive-behavioral therapist.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti...vioral_therapy

Tell your current therapist that her approach isn't working for you. If the article about CBT sounds right to you, tell her you'd prefer a CBT therapist. Right now, it sounds like you're wasting your time.

[Yesterdays]

I went through a period where I had a therapist that just didn't seem to be right for me. For me it was really obvious, even after like... five sessions. The bottom line is that if you don't feel comfortable or like this therapist is right for you, you shouldn't feel stuck. There's nothing wrong with finding another therapist who you feel would be a better match for you. I think it's often hard to find one you feel 100% comfortable with, but if you dislike talking with this therapist, don't feel bad about going to a different one.

Also, I think it's GOOD to cry. When you're talking to someone it's completely normal to feel the need to cry. It's another way of letting out your emotions. I doubt any therapist would see you crying as a negative thing. They may actually see it as something that can truly help you connect with and let our your emotions.

If you feel like you could stick with this therapist for a bit longer, stick with her a bit and see if you end up liking her a bit better. If not, there's nothing wrong with finding someone who can better help you.

Good luck

[googley]

Hi,
If you don't like how it is going I would suggest talking to your T about how you want them to be more involved. If the person can't do that then you should ask to see someone else. Just because you are seeing a doc student doesn't mean that you should put up with not getting what you need from your T. Also know, (from my experience) the eight session limit at a lot of school clinics does not necessarily mean a strict eight session limit. Good luck. Speak up or they wont know what you need.

[oracat]

Thanks for your replies. I looked up the Rogerian therapy and that describes exactly what she's doing. Yes, I think I need more structure. I will bring it up with her at the next session. How I do go about asking for a new therapist though (if I do get a new one), without hurting her feelings? Do I ask her or do I ask the people at the receptionist desk?

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by oracat

I'm a grad student and just started therapy for the 1st time in my life 3 weeks ago, at my campus health center. The point is, I have loads of education debt to pay off, and so it's crucial that I get a job after graduation ASAP. Plus since my mom has nothing saved up for retirement, I'm expected to support her as well. I can't do either unless I get a high-paying job. My lack of confidence, soft-spoken voice, stuttering problem and social anxiety will be my downfall. It's crucial that I deal wtih these problems ASAP. I've tried to deal with them all my life on my own but finally it's at the point where I need professional help. If I can't solve them then how can I pay off that debt and support my mother later in life?

Well my therapist is a doctoral student. She's nice and supportive and understanding, I like her a lot, but I felt like crap after leaving our last session the other day. I was talking about a lot of painful things and spent half the session crying. So far, all 3 of our sessions have been just me talking about my problems with little or no suggestions from her. I mean, she says things to suggest that she understands my feelings and where I'm coming from. She did suggest that I go to an interview skills workshop (which I did), but overall, I feel like she's not giving me any suggestions on what I can actually DO to deal with these social problems. She just sits and listens and reiterates what I'm saying.

At the beginning of every session she asks what I want to talk about. If I say I want to discuss my confidence issues, she'll say ok and then wait for me to continue. It doesn't seem like she has a structure or plan for our sessions. She said that part of her wanted to give me suggestions or do role play, etc, and the other part of her wanted to see if I can work it out on my own. Well if I could do the latter I wouldn't be in therapy! Isn't the point of therapy to get professional help and advice? She's a very nice person, don't get me wrong, but I'm worried that I will go through all 8 sessions with me just talking about my problems without getting any real suggestions from her. I'm not expecting her to SOLVE my problems. I just want professional advice and insights. She's supposed to be the professional, right?! I'm just feeling really confused and ****** right now. I have no one to talk to about this because I only see her once a week and I haven't told my family I'm in therapy (partly because they are part of the reason why I'm there).

What I want to know is, is this how therapy is supposed to be? Also, how do I stop crying during my sessions? I'm such a wreck that I lose control at every session. It really wastes a lot of time. Why do I even bother, really? It looks like therapy isn't going to work for me after all.

*hugs*

dont give up hope. did you have a frank discussion with her about what your goals are for your time in treatment? if not, i think you should. even if you have to write it down and hand it to her, i think its important that she know what you want from her.

lots of therapists work in this way. lots of therapists dont "give advice" as much as they try to help people come to conclusions for themselves. if what you need are concrete tools and maybe homework, i would suggest you ask her for that.

that said, there is also the likelihood that what youve been doing thus far in therapy is exactly what you need to be doing. you said this is the first time youve ever been in therapy in your life....thats a lot of time thats gone by! maybe what she's doing is letting you tell your story. that may not sound important to you, but it can be extremely therapeutic and may help you to make connections and understand how you came to be in the state you are. 20-some odd years of life (im guessing) is a long time to feel like you have no one to talk to about things. i dunno...i guess i think you could stand to cut yourself a break.

speaking as a doctoral student who has seen many a client in my day, i expected that people might have an issue with being "stuck" with the student. only one did, but once we discussed it, things went very smoothly. i think its a valid concern and i think its one that we (as students) completely understand. i would say talk to her about your concerns in that area as well. i know that when it came up for me, i let the client tell me what his concerns were and ask me whatever questions he needed and also extended him permission (which i didnt feel that he needed, but it seemed that he wanted) to speak to my supervisor if ever he needed to. we are always supervised by a licensed psychologist, so she's not just flying blind in there (or at least she shouldnt be).

[sunrise]

I think that sounds like a lot of stress in your life--trying to prepare to be capable of getting a high paying job to pay off student debt and support your mother in retirement. That is a tall order! Crying in therapy may be a way of releasing stress. It can actually be physiologically helpful--your tears are filled with molecules that cause stress, and crying helps rid the body of them.

I think you should definitely talk with your T about your dissatisfaction and lay out your issues and ask how can she help. If she has no ideas, perhaps you could ask her for a referral to someone with more experience.

I wonder if you could also benefit from seeing a career counselor? (in addition to a T for psychotherapy). Your university may have separate services for career stuff, run out of a completely different office than where your T works. See if you can go to the career office and speak with a career counselor there. I bet they would have some concrete suggestions on how to improve interview skills, networking skills (hard for introverts!), job search skills, writing a CV/resume, etc. There may be free workshops you could take. I have gone to see a career counselor a few times and she gives me all sorts of nuts and bolts advice my therapist does not provide.

Good luck. This sounds really hard.