Do you plan what to discuss with your T?

I'm the first to admit that I'm a planner -not that I think there's anything wrong in that, but I'm finding that it sometimes can hinder me in therapy, since I'm not used to letting spontaneous thoughts or feelings come up and be felt and heard.

Starting tomorrow, in addition to seeing T every Monday, I'll also be seeing T every other Wednesday. I'm excited about this change, but it occurred to me that I don't have anything planned for tomorrow night, and I'm actually kind of excited about that! T has told me that it's good if I can just sit there with her and try to let whatever I'm thinking or feeling come up. Just thinking about that makes me so nervous, I have no idea why!

So do you plan in advance what you want to discuss with your T? Or do you go in to a session, and just go with the first thought that pops into your head? Or a combination of both?

I used to plan what I wanted to talk about, but I quickly found that our sessions almost always go a different way. So I really don't anymore. My tdoc has a way of "knowing" what I NEED to talk about, even if that is entirely different than what I THINK I want to talk about. He definitely has an agenda with me most of the time. My husband sees him too, and he's made the same observations. Our tdoc KNOWS where we need to go in our therapy, and he steers us there.

I need to in there at the least with an idea. If not, I will sit there and twiddle my thumbs because my mind will go blank otherwise. I have resorted to reading my journal entries out loud, though I hated doing that.

Even if I start the session talking about something I've been holding onto, it doesn't go along that way. I will say something, T will say something and that then leads to something that sometimes is way out there. I think thats what T's initial silence at the beginning of session do, they make me forget the stuff in my head and gradually plonk me back down into my feelings.

i find i have a much more productive session when i think a bit about what i want to talk about. otherwise i ramble off on rabbit trails that don't seem to go anywhere. whatever works best for everyone. viva la difference.

I usually think about it a lot before I go...what sorts of things I *might* talk about, so I have some ideas, but my sessions almost never seem to go "according to plan." I think it is useful to have some things prepared beforehand, though, just in case we "run out" of things to talk about, or there is a pause/silence or something.

Dreamseeker,

I usually go to my session with something specific that i want to discuss. It doesn't always use up the whole hour though. Like you, I'm a planner too and get kind of nervous playing things by ear. I have a feeling it might be good for me to try going with the flow more often though. My t has indicated at times that i tend to work too hard.

A gabillion-zillion years ago when I first had therapy, I was there because I was totally isolated in a marriage that stunk and had so many problems that my therapy was totally for support in digging myself out of the deep hole I was in. A gabillion-zillion years later, I started back into therapy after an absence of six months with two specific goals in mind that I identified myself. We started with these and usually from here on, T tells me what she wants me to do to accomplish therapeutic goals and closure. How much time it takes, who knows. We will just have to see. So each time I go, we talk about the progress or lack of progress I've made. I really like my T. She and I are around the same age, she may be slightly younger, she has a son who is a commercial airline pilot. She hasn't been out of school a very long time but she has a lot of "life experience" behind her. She has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to laugh. We work very well together and she isn't afraid to tell me off. She doesn't do that often. But I trust that she would if I needed it. She's very gentle and kind. And supportive.

yeah, i plan things. i typically go in with 2-3 topics, have figured out what sort of resolution i want/need on those, have planned which one to bring up first & the manner in which to do so... etc .

this would work great if Austin-T wasn't similarly pedantic, and didn't also have his list of things he wanted to work on, lol. i think Austin-T is starting to pick up that i come in with my own ideas though, so he now makes a point to ask if i have anything i want to discuss. the first 2-3 months i didn't get a look in .

it can get really frustrating for me if my idea of what needs to happen isn't met. i actually went on a really long rant once to Austin-T the week after one of those crappy sessions. i think he was really taken aback . but it cleared a lot of things up for both of us, and i feel like we're working a lot better together now. i typically have a lot of insight into what the problem is, and what the solution needs to look achieve, but i don't know how to get there and that's where Austin-T comes in.

No, almost always I just go with whatever comes to mind.
If I've had a dream, I will make a point to talk about that.
And there have been times I know that I really need to talk about X, but most of the time I wait to see what comes up.

I plan what I'm going to talk about... probably too much, haha. I rehearse my exact phrasing and everything, and then try to memorize the perfect way to bring things up.

jexa, I'm like you. I "rehearse in my mind" exactly how the session is going to be--what I will say, what my T will say. The problem with doing that is that often I am disappointed because my fantasies are usually better than my sessions. Therapy doesn't go as smoothly as it does in my mind.

I always make a list because there is so much I have to talk about. Even when I was going weekly, I had a long list. My T always said it would be better to just go with the flow, that having an "agenda" was putting barriers between her and me. I was intellectualizing too much. She was right. When I started leaving my list in my purse, or on the couch next to me, and having a real dialogue with my T instead, the real therapy began. I still used my list for important topics that I didn't want to forget, but I was more open to just "being" there in the session and letting the session just evolve.

Sometimes I am triggered or something is pushing at me, and I know that a certain topic needs to be discussed, so I'll go in knowing (and dreading) the topic.

Other than those times, I just show up and see what happens.

Thanks, all! I don't bring a list into T, but I keep an ongoing list on my computer of things I want to discuss. And sometimes, like my last session, I know that I need to bring up certain topics. T hardly ever steers me in a certain direction - I am very much in control of what we discuss, and I like that.

I'm having a really fun social week, and I thought I'd want to keep tonight light, but I'm finding that I'm in a rather soul-searching mood today. I'll see how I feel tonight, I may feel like going deep after all.

OK but when you get into the session do things go the way you planned?

For a long time I would do a lot of planning and prep before therapy. Unfortunately it also resulted in A LOT of extra anxiety. I think it was mainly because I wanted to only get into things that I had already thought a lot about and felt I was ready to discuss--I know I'm a control freak. Now I am doing much better with just having a few general things to lead off with if necessary. Last session I felt really lost because I've run through the plan of care that I constructed for myself yet I kind of want to continue but I don't know where to go next. IDK...like I said I'm lost. Maybe I am at some therapy stage where i am supposed to cope with extemporanious therapy. LOL.. Next session should be interesting.

Good question. I have often wondered if others plan or not.
During the week I write things down as they come up. Sometimes I have a lot written down and sometimes not. And then sometimes what I have written has been resolved or isnt such an immediate concern as it was when I wrote it. When I was with dt, I took the list with me but she got annoyed if I used it (?). So, I didnt look at it during the session. I am so used to doing this that I do it with ftt. I review and remember everything so I dont have to look a the paper and the flow of conversation is better than it would be if I took it out and read it. So, before my session I re-read and it is amazing how I can remember word for word what I have written. I guess b/c I read it during the week. Doing this stuff usually allows me to work on the issues I want to. If I didnt write things down I would definitely forget by the time I see t.

Haha NO they don't go the way I planned and it's basically a waste of time. It helps to think about what I want to talk about but not to the extent that I think about it! But I've brought it up as a problem, to my therapist, that I spend so much time planning what to say and worrying about what I said in the last session. It only increases my anxiety.

thanks, Rainbow! This sounds so familiar to me. I don't know how to do differently though - how many times, not using the list, do you go home and later think OH NO we never got around to talking about _____ ?

I don't "plan" per se. I do bring a notebook to refer to thoughts, emotions, struggles I've had between appointments though. If I didn't bring my notebook, I wouldn't remember. Reason: my memory is far from the greatest. I've gone without that book before & kicked myself when I realized that none of my major problems were being worked on. I had to pay the consequences a few times before I finally got it in my head to bring this notebook, to actually work through problems.

Shez