Was triggering to see my T in RL today

I never thanked you for that last reply, BlueMoon. I love you too!
I haven't called my T; too much else going on in my life so I may call her anyway. I still don't know exactly why I was so triggered, but have to resign myself to not ever understanding the whole picture of what happened in my past. Maybe I will ask my T one more time what she thinks. It's still unfinished in my mind unless I tell her how I reacted. That's a problem in itself, I know. Feeling like I HAVE to tell her. It's unsettling to me, but I remember her telling me I'm still a "work in progress". I'll be 95 and still be a "work in progress."

I wanted to read this again. It's the cognitive dissonance, I think that's what it's called. You're right. It's hard to switch gears! Like Superman, my T goes from "Mommy T" to my acquaintance. I don't want to relate to her as an acquaintance!! I see us as more intimate than that. We are emotionally intimate in the session. So, maybe it's normal for me to react the way I did. I see that's what you're saying. I'm slow.

We'll be 95 together then and be works in progress

I want to tell you that you dont have to thank me. I can feel your thanking vibes from across the country I know. I understand you, and I feel for you in this siutation. If I ran into dt I would have the same feelings. I put myself in your position with her stroking the hair of her grandson and it makes me want to cry.

I have an idea. Maybe a bad idea. Why dont you make an appt with her? Not an appointment to tell her you love her, but to talk about the fragmented story of your life and history. How you are having difficulty switching gears and making her an acquaintance. Stay focused on your mother. I know you have done this before, but t brings up such an intense need in you. I think she can hear all of it. If only dt could have heard it, too.

I think it is totally normal for you to react the way you do. Especially with your history. Does t know how very intense it is for you? It comes out maybe as telling her you love her, but it may be deeper than that or not that at all is what I am saying. Does that make sense? Feel free to tell me I am totally off base here.......