[Dazed and Confused]

Okay, this is going to be a rant ...

What I hate about therapy is that you will never know if your T really cares about you or is laughing about you behind your back. You aren't their friend, they aren't your friend, and you will never be friends. It's a job. You just have to believe it. And how can you believe it when all your life experience tells you not to believe it? After all, they see you at your worst, know horrible things about you, and you are supposed to believe that they care, that they are trustworthy ... It's not rational. I'm taking a break from therapy and I don't know if I will return.

[Christina86]

Been there in terms of a rant and way of thinking, and it's not fun.

I think a T may not be your friend, but I think they have to at least care about you as a human being - because otherwise, why are they in a helping profession at all?

It is hard to build a trust relationship with a T, just the same as it's hard to build a strong relationship with a close friend. It's just hard.

If you need a break, then take one for yourself.

If your therapist cares, you will feel it. Just like you feel caring from any other individual. Sure, it's a professional relationship, but helping professionals care. Teachers care. Nurses care. Policeman care. etc. You can feel it if they do.

[jexa]

You know what? That is what sucks about therapy. It absolutely is. Thing is, therapists are human, too. They do human things. I work with clinicians, and from the behavior I've seen, this is usually the case:

They talk about you. They never use your name or give identifying information, or give explicit details that they shouldn't be disclosing, but most Ts will talk about you to some extent with the people they work with and the people in their lives. If you do something that upsets them they will talk about you. "Oh my god, one of my clients was so rude to me today etc etc." If you tell them something very amusing they may mention it to a friend. "Oh, one of my clients said something so funny today.. blah blah blah." If you have an amusing habit they may laugh about it, but good-heartedly, like you'd laugh about a friend's quirks. If you tell them a really tough self-disclosure, they may say something like, "I just want to cry. Today one of my clients disclosed some memories of being sexually abused when she was only 6. Hearing about this stuff just makes me sick."

They do care. You'll be able to feel it if they don't. But most really do care. They chose to be therapists, after all, knowing what the job entailed. But they're human, too.

I know my therapist has talked to the psychiatrist in his office about me. He's told me so. That doesn't bother me. I'm glad if he felt the need to talk to someone about my case, he had someone to talk to. And yes, caring professionals do vent to other caring individuals. I guess that doesn't really bother me either. Hey, they don't know me . . .

[polarsmom]

I have wondered what kind of stuff gets repeated to co-workers throughout the day. I figured that our names would be left out of the conversation.

I have always wondered what kind of things are said when I go to any doctor. Do they talk to the nurses or aides and say something like, Oh I can't stand the patient in room 2. Every time she comes in blah, blah, blah. And then you come out of that room and the staff is just looking at you recalling the comments that were made by the doctor. Ya know what I mean?

Originally Posted by Dazed and Confused

What I hate about therapy is that you will never know if your T really cares about you or is laughing about you behind your back. You aren't their friend, they aren't your friend, and you will never be friends. It's a job. You just have to believe it. And how can you believe it when all your life experience tells you not to believe it? After all, they see you at your worst, know horrible things about you, and you are supposed to believe that they care, that they are trustworthy

Dazed, I felt this way a lot at the beginning of therapy. All I can say is that with time and with a very patient, kind T, it doesn't worry me any more because I KNOW that I can trust her not to be laughing at me (maybe she gets frustrated sometimes, I don't know, but I know she isn't laughing at me). She's proven her trustworthiness 1000 times by the kind, non-judgmental way she responds to and anticipates my needs. I'm really lucky. I don't know if all T's are like that. If you've given it time and you still don't feel good about yours, maybe try to find someone else? As for the being friends thing, I hear you that it is really frustrating that the relationship will someday end. On the other hand, if she was my friend then she couldn't be my T, and I like having her as my T, so that tradeoff is OK for me for now. Sorry you're feeling frustrated right now.

And yes, caring professionals do vent to other caring individuals.

Here is the problem for me. I know my T is a caring professional, but I haven't met whoever she might be "venting" to (she's told me she talks to a consultant/supervisor about me but that she doesn't use my full name) and I have no way of knowing whether that is in fact someone that I would trust with information about me. Not all T's (or health providers in general) are caring professionals. I've known a couple in RL that I wouldn't want to share my private information with. I feel like I can trust my T enough to show discretion here, but I still don't love it.

[boop27]

I have had a T kick me out! Say she couldnt and didnt have the tools to deal with my disorder... I have not been back since. You never tell a stranger what goes on inside your head that asking for it. Last time i did that I was admitted into a mental hostpital only to lye my way out.