Today T wanted to talk about the e-mail I sent yesterday. He talked about his feelings when he read it, and I talked about my feelings when I sent it.

I told him that I've started wondering..why couldn't I treat me the same way I treat other people? We talked about grace. I told him that maybe, MAYBE, I can be as gentle with myself as I am with everyone else.

And T got tears in his eyes It IS a big realization to me, and it felt good to see that T could understand what a big deal it is.

T has had tears before about sad things in therapy, but this is the first time he teared up about a happy thing. I him.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Today T wanted to talk about the e-mail I sent yesterday. He talked about his feelings when he read it, and I talked about my feelings when I sent it.

I told him that I've started wondering..why couldn't I treat me the same way I treat other people? We talked about grace. I told him that maybe, MAYBE, I can be as gentle with myself as I am with everyone else.

And T got tears in his eyes It IS a big realization to me, and it felt good to see that T could understand what a big deal it is.

T has had tears before about sad things in therapy, but this is the first time he teared up about a happy thing. I him.

((((((TREE))))))

That's greatTree----to realize that it's possible to be good to yourself, just as you are good to others is a giant leap.

--Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[writingwithink]

I have admiration for people who work in professions that are about helping people, whether they are counselors, religious figures, child services, etc. My recent therapist, an eating disorder specialist, really seemed to jump in and take care of her clients (flying with them to treatment, visiting in the hospital, etc.), and I really admired that. I wish my career was in a field such as these; I'm too far along to change careers now, though.

Although, I worry about these people, whether they're my personal friends or my therapist, etc. Are they taking care of themselves and all the things they teach?

I'm glad you had this moment with your therapist.

Peace,
writing

Originally Posted by writingwithink

Although, I worry about these people, whether they're my personal friends or my therapist, etc. Are they taking care of themselves and all the things they teach?

(((((((((((((writing))))))))))))

You know what? I actually asked my T about this today. If HE was gentle with HIMself. And he really thought about it, and he said that yeah, he is. He even gave me an example of something he does to ground himself if things get to be too much during his day.

I really think T has taught me by example, and by loving and caring for me. He has never said to me "tree, you should be gentle with yourself"...he is so patient, and he waited (and waited and waited) for me to come to that realization from deep inside myself. He has so much faith in the therapy process.

The one thing he did tell me (almost exactly a year ago) was to try to give myself some grace. I didn't understand what he meant at the time...now, a year later, I think I'm starting to get it.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Today T wanted to talk about the e-mail I sent yesterday. He talked about his feelings when he read it, and I talked about my feelings when I sent it.

I told him that I've started wondering..why couldn't I treat me the same way I treat other people? We talked about grace. I told him that maybe, MAYBE, I can be as gentle with myself as I am with everyone else.

And T got tears in his eyes It IS a big realization to me, and it felt good to see that T could understand what a big deal it is.

T has had tears before about sad things in therapy, but this is the first time he teared up about a happy thing. I him.

[chaotic13]

Treehouse it is good that you can handle seeing that your T cares in his eyes. I think I would have trouble if I saw tears in my T's eyes. At this point... I can't imagine my T getting outwardly emotional, I don't know if she ever gets that way with other people.

I do have a good sense that my T cares, though.

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

Treehouse it is good that you can handle seeing that your T cares in his eyes. I think I would have trouble if I saw tears in my T's eyes. At this point... I can't imagine my T getting outwardly emotional, I don't know if she ever gets that way with other people.

I do have a good sense that my T cares, though.

That is VERY interesting Chaotic. If my t now was to tear up, I think Id see it as empathy. When I was in my (early) 20's I saw this t for a short time who teared up quite a bit when we talked. It freaked me out and I saw it as a weakness. As I said, I was real young and didnt understand.

But Tree's t I see as very strong and empathetic. Sigh.....

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

If my t now was to tear up, I think Id see it as empathy.

I can't imagine what I would do if I noticed my t tearing up. I imagine that I would immediately switch over to taking-care-of-her-mode, and that would probably not be good.
Fortunately I'm just nearsighted enough that I probably couldn't see it from where I sit, if she ever does. That is... IF she ever does.

[chaotic13]

Blue... Although I would likely judge MYSELF a being weak if I teared up... I don't think I would see my T as being weak... Hmmm another double standard, have to look at that one.

I think I would have trouble handling that much empathy from my T because I would feel bad that I made her cry.

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

Blue... Although I would likely judge MYSELF a being weak if I teared up... I don't think I would see my T as being weak... Hmmm another double standard, have to look at that one.

I think I would have trouble handling that much empathy from my T because I would feel bad that I made her cry.

This is something, Chaotic. I wouldnt see myself as weak, Id see myself as being too vulnerable and my t as being weak if she teared up. I wonder why the diff between the way we would feel about it. Would you feel "weak" or "vulnerable" when you cry?
But, for sure, Id feel bad that I made her cry, especially if she were the type to not do that. If I made desk-t cry I think Id faint first and feel bad later

In the case of Tree's t or my previous (male) t who I saw for 10 yrs, I dont see either of them as weak. My previous teared up, we both teared up together. It was a different kind of relationship, which is why I can SO relate to Tree's t, but the relationship went too far with my previous t and Tree's t isnt like him in that way. But in a sense I DO understand where Tree's t is coming from in a lot of ways b/c my previous t was very, very much like him. But with, um, a big boundry difference....

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I can't imagine what I would do if I noticed my t tearing up. I imagine that I would immediately switch over to taking-care-of-her-mode,

You know, I could see myself doing that too, actually. But it was one of those really intimate, shared moments in therapy...total attunement. I was actually happy that I made T feel that happy. He works SO hard with me, and it must feel good to see moments where it's actually paying off.

[pachyderm]

I think maybe if I saw tears from T the major, very loud alarm would go off. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? DANGER DANGER DANGER! What will happen next? What kind of switch is this? What kind of trick is this?