T and Me: The Collage, Kids, Hugs, & Tears

Oh, what a session!!! T pulled out my collage and said it was a beautiful piece of art. We talked for a good while all about the collage, it was really wonderful. T made a comment referencing being a parent, so I asked her if she has kids - she does, she shared their gender and ages. I didn't ask any more questions, but it seemd like T was encouraging me to ask her - this after she told me a few sessions ago that it's okay for me to ask her questions about herself, and of course I have been curious but didn't know how to ask her.

T asked if I'd consider doing another collage or a scrapbook only of things I want in the future - this was part of this collage, but T thinks it would be a great project for me to continually work on. I'm going to give it some thought, but I do like the idea.

I asked T if there was anything on the collage that surprised her - she pointed to one picture and said it showed a different side to me than what she's used to seeing, that I looked sexy and that I had a beer in my hand. Yes, T, I drink and get dolled up to go out to the bars sometimes! But she wasn't criticizing, just observing. So then I asked if there was anything else - she pointed to the word "hug" and said she had seen that and had a fantasy about it. I asked what the fantasy was, and she said she had hoped that it was about therapy, even before she noticed the word "therapy" above "hug"! Now, T told me a few sessions ago that she does give out hugs, and I have wanted a hug from T, but I just didn't know how to bring it up. I told T that I had wanted a hug on Monday, but I didn't ask because we were both sick. And then I told T that I didn't want it to be awkward, and I wasn't sure how to ask - so T asked me, "Do you want a hug?" and I said, "Yeah!" So T stood up, and I stood up, and we hugged for maybe 30 seconds. It felt really good. I think T was half-expecting me to cry, she asked me while we were hugging if I was okay, and I said yes. I surprised myself by not crying, I thought I might! But we instead both sat back down and just stared at each other, and I started giggling - T asked me what I was thinking, and I said that it felt nice. I told T that I love hugs, I just hadn't been sure if it was appropriate in there - T asked if I was afraid of crossing a boundary, I said yes. T said she felt that hugs were another great way to connect, and I agreed.

We talked more, and this was interesting to me - after the hug, my emotions opened up more. I cried at one point, talking about something from my childhood, and I even told T that I was surprised that my reaction was so strong. At the end, T was concerned that my collage would get ruined in the rain, so she offered to keep it. I asked if we were done discussing it - T asked what I thought, I said I could discuss it more, so T said she'd be happy to keep it. I asked her if anyone else would see it, she said no, absolutely not.

And then as I was leaving, T squeezed my arm - she's never done that before, and I instinctively reached back and squeezed hers! But it felt right.

I'm bummed, I had to cancel my session for next week due to a business trip. But this session will carry me over for awhile, I can't get over how great it was.

I'm glad you were able to share the collage and feel really connected. That's something to cherish!

(((((((((((((Dream )))))))))) This is a beautiful love story. I SO enjoyed reading it. I admire your ability to be close and honest with her about what you are thinking and needing in the moment. And that your t is the same. And I LOVED that she was open to your questions about her life. In my mind, it a very healing kind of realtionship. I remember telling dt I wanted to ask her some questions about her life, but I felt like I would be crossing a boundry, and she said to me, "Its good that you know your boundries and dont ask! That is the way it should be!" I was confused and embarrassed. And what a sharp difference to the warmth of your t. She is wants to be there for you, she is even fantasizing about your care (WOW!) and is allowing you to heal through your relationship with her. I hope I can develop that with ftt.

Oh, and I LOVED that she wanted to care for your collage so it didnt get ruiined in the rain...... She is a gem and so are you

WOW, AMAZING story! I am so happy for you, I have even tears in my eyes too reading this story. (and you know I have trouble crying, lol)

I love how you two are so connected, I can feel the healing coming through my computer screen.

I would love to see that sexy picture too! lol I never thought of you all dolled up with beer having fun. So cool!

Have fun on your business trip, I am so glad you have some good stuff from your T to hold onto until you see her again. You are awesome!

Thanks, all! I'm still feeling that happy buzz.

As I was journaling this morning about the hug, I started crying - big crocodile tears - thinking how no one has ever given me a hug like that. I've gotten many hugs, and a few people have even held me, but that was more when we were at a funeral. My brother is the only one who gives me huge hugs and holds me, they're really wonderful. But there was something about T's hug - she really wrapped her arms around me, but not too tight. And then as we stood and hugged, she asked if I was alright, and she moved one hand to the back of my head - it felt like such a loving gesture. I think at the time, I was so excited that it was really happening, I was happy - I even giggled afterwards. Looking back, I felt the same as I sometimes feel when I get T's empathic look - safe, comforted, cared for, held.

I do want to ask T why she wanted the word "hug" to be associated with therapy in my collage. I understand the benefits to me from hugging, but what are the benefits for T? She did say that hugging is another way to deepen our connection, and I agree with that - so is that what she gets out of it?

aww! Sweet! You know thats sounding really nice. That was good you got to hug T. hope it keeps going great.

Reading your earlier post and this one as a followup, makes me sooo happy for you, really! I am so glad to feel through your words how good you felt in this session. Connecting with T is a great feeling, isnt it