During this weekend I have had two sexual dreams about my old T, both different. At first I am horrified that I had them.

Now I am thinking both dreams represent our relationship.

One aspect he could really be sweet, tender and gentle with me.

Then the other there was this tension between us in many ways, some of which could be seen as sexual and intellectual.

My current T has said before that sexual dreams aren't usually about sex, they are about something else. but still why him and why now?

I guess the recent interactions with him are affecting me more than I realize. Tomorrow morning I have that running class and he has been there also running at the same time, I can't leave, I have class, so I have to deal with this. Then I have therapy in the afternoon.

I emailed my T about about what he is doing at the gym and how I feel about it. She told me there is nothing wrong with me in this situation and that she understands how this could be so frustrating to deal with. I am interested in her take of what is happening and why he is being so over zealous with me again, not casual.

I admit there is this intense magnetism that was there in the therapy room and outside of the therapy room. I guess I thought that all that bad stuff that has happened, even though he accepted my apology, he would be more careful with dealing with me. I miss that old playfulness between us, but part of me says beware! I could get very hurt again and I don't need that. Then part of me is thinking WTF is he doing?

I just don't understand what is going on in his head now.

[crystalrose]

Omg. Those dreams sound intense. It must be frustrating. I don't understand why old T would visit a gym you go to. I don't get what your old T is doing? Also though if your in a small town it might just be a coincidence. The magnetism and all that is totally normal. But it must be confusing just tell new T everything. Maybe you can edit the dreams so you face doesn't go crimson.

Thanks Crystalrose for responding, I was beginning to think nobody cared anymore. But I guess it is a hard thing to respond to, probably because it is so complicated, at least my feelings are.

We don't live in a small town, there are lots of places to work out. I am a student ( an old one) and this is the 2nd workout place we have ran into each other. The first one, we both quit shortly after I fired him 2 1/2 yrs. ago. It is weird to keep running into him, this is the 6th place other than the therapy room.

It is weird because normally I am not this shy about talking about sex, but gosh is this embarrassing for me. Maybe it is bringing up things I have tried not to think about, like other emotions that I do that with. I know I can tell my T this stuff, I can tell her anything. But it is making me face thing about my past T I am not sure I want to admit to or even consider.

I emailed my T and told her what is happening a the gym, about how I feel there is something wrong with me, why I can't just ignore him. How I do want this fun connection with him again, ( I do miss him) but it is happening too fast and it is weird that he is being this flirtatious so soon. I would think he would be scared of me or something or at least be cautious in his reactions with me. It is hard to want something but at the same time but be scared out of my mind too.

This is not like me to be so forgiving of someone who has hurt me so much, why can with just him smiling at me, the anger that I have with him disappears? Geeze I feel like such a naive freak or something. He does have charm, but geeze how could I fall for such a thing over and over again. This is NOT like me at all, except when it come to him. grrrrrrrrrrrr.

((((((((((((((((((exoticflower))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you felt ignored

The subject of T/sex pretty much makes me do this: Even dreams!

It's good that you know that you really CAN talk to T about anything, even this, no matter what...even if it's ridiculously uncomfortable.

to you!

[crystalrose]

i don't know much about your old T and why you stopped seeing him. You can post a link to old posts or write it here or Pm me. I'm just interested in it cos it sounds pretty intense still.

Exotic That does sound extremely intense! I'm so glad you can discuss it with your current T.

I agree with your T that sex dreams or even sex fantasies or visions aren't always about sex. I actually told T during my session last night about an image that I had very early in therapy - as this man was about to have sex with me, T was holding me from behind, cradling me in her lap. When I had that image, I didn't know what to think! I was nervous to tell T - it took me 5 months! But T thought it was more about intimacy than sex, that I see T taking this journey with me, she is helping me get ready to be intimate with a man like that. And T said something that I found really beautiful, she said that to her, it was almost like she was giving birth to me, that the image she got was "womblike", that I was lying on her belly.

So I realize that your dreams with old T were probably quite different than my image, but I do believe that there is so much more to it than the act of sex itself. It's definitely good to explore all of that with your current T! Good luck!

LOL Tree,

Yeah, it makes me do that too! Thanks for the hugs, I appreciate that. I realize it is a very odd T situation, and I have tried to keep the info about the dreams out of it so I don't make anyone feel too uncomfortable. I really don't want to post on the other form because I am not in love with him. Plus that forum is so new it makes me feel too exposed.

I do feel I can talk to my T about anything, (doesn't mean that I do though) lol

He wasn't at the gym today, so at least I didn't have to face that today. T in almost 5 hours, yay!

Thanks Crystal,

I don't know how to post the links but if you click on my name and go to my page on psych central, you can see all the links I have started, most of the info is on there.

It was an intense situation, I actually fired him because he was hurtful to me because our relationship became more than professional. I lost that therapeutic protection that you have with a T who suppose to be objective.

It is hard because I do feel a spiritual connection to him, something I have only felt with my grandma and a certain friend who have passed away.

HI Dreamer,

Does your current T hold you like that? What a wonderful story, thanks for sharing that with me. It is awesome that your T can be that honest with you on how she feels in the moment.

I guess I can vaguely talk about the dreams... the first one was a very tender and loving experience.

I think that dream represents a part in therapy with him where he was totally sweet with me. One memory of many I have of him being this way was when I bought myself a birthday present- a new trumpet! My trumpet teacher helped me pick it out of 30 other trumpets. It was a Bach Strad, no doubt, the best of the best. Well I was telling T that my jazz band instructor told me my new trumpet just sings when I play. My T then said, "a lot like you." So stuff like that, just sweet stuff.

Then the other dream can be summed up by the tension, the tension you see in movies with 2 people who are fighting or arguing who really are attracted to one another and than bam, that tension turns to something really powerful and erotic when they come together.

There was sexual tension in the room, no doubt about that. We would instead get into these philosophical debates all the time, we were matched similarly intellectually and he told me once that a smart women turns him on. But we got intellectual tense instead, it actually felt like a rush afterwords, we could debate against each other without any anger, just fun. He used to frustrate me all the time and he knew he did this, I think he enjoyed doing that. But he could make me laugh and all the tension would go away. And that frustrated me too because he was able to charm his way out of it. So I guess his action now at the gym feels like that to me because I am not sure I am ready to forget my anger and hurt about him, and when I don't see him, it is no problems, but as soon as I see him smile at me, the anger melts away. (kinda pisses me off in a way that he can do this) This kind of tension can feel sexual, so I think that was what the dream was about.

Originally Posted by exoticflower

Does your current T hold you like that?
No, T doesn't hold me like that - we've only hugged while standing. And this image popped into my head only 2 months into therapy, long before we even discussed hugging.
It is awesome that your T can be that honest with you on how she feels in the moment.
I am lucky, T is very honest in sharing how she feels.

I think that dream represents a part in therapy with him where he was totally sweet with me.

Then the other dream can be summed up by the tension, the tension you see in movies with 2 people who are fighting or arguing who really are attracted to one another and than bam, that tension turns to something really powerful and erotic when they come together.
I think those two dreams sum up your total therapy experience well, from what you've described.

I am not sure I am ready to forget my anger and hurt about him, and when I don't see him, it is no problems, but as soon as I see him smile at me, the anger melts away. (kinda pisses me off in a way that he can do this) This kind of tension can feel sexual, so I think that was what the dream was about.

Why do you have to give up your anger and hurt about him? If you're not ready, then you're not ready. I can see how that kind of tension could indeed be sexual.

I hope you get a lot out of your session with T today!