withdrawing from T...

Nothing worse than a doctor that won't help you when you need help. I hope she'll really hear you this time and you'll get some help. I'll be thinking about you.

yeah, it's a psychiatric nurse practitioner & I've been working with her for about 18 mos, but every time I leave her office I just want to

I've talked to the mental health ombuds, to my case manager who works in the same agency as my prescriber, to my T...basically I just have to deal with this person as best I can and use the interpersonal effectiveness skills I've learned in DBT. Not so easy to do in a massively sleep deprived state, lol.

anyway, I called & left her a voicemail just now, which I totally wouldn't have done if you hadn't suggested it so thanks again farmergirl

I'm glad you called. I know when I can't sleep, it magnifies every problem, and makes things so much worse.

One quick thought on the idea of pulling back so your T will reach out -- the one time I did that with my old T, I was hurt so so so badly when she didn't reach out like I wanted her to. Not that your T will do this, but I'd hate for you to be hurt more. I sort of go to the other extreme now and try not to assume/hope for anything. Being disappointed by a T is one thing I try so hard to avoid, because it hurts so badly.

I called my T this morning, and she called me back before I could even get done leaving a voicemail for her. It took a lot for me to call her, after spending all week convincing myself to withdraw & see if she would ever reach out to me.

Anyway, I just told her I haven't slept in 3 nights, and she said I should call my case manager & my prescriber. I told her I've called my prescriber twice this week already, but I'll call my case manager. She said she'd grab my file & call my prescriber, too, and that was the end of the conversation.

So, it was good, mostly just because I needed to show *to myself* the willingness to reach out to her when I need to. But I keep thinking, wow, it would have been nice if she'd have spoken to me for more than 45 seconds. On the other hand, she is going to call my prescriber and try to help me get something to help me sleep, and that's the biggest problem right now. Maybe she will have some news on that front to relate & will call me back later?

If not, I have group tomorrow morning & T is the facilitator so I will see her then, if I can make myself go. Part of this whole withdrawing thing this week has been convincing myself to not go to group on Saturday, but I'm trying to do that whole "opposite to emotion action" thing now and hope I can force myself to go.

It's great that your t is going to call your prescriber. Sometimes that's what it takes to light a fire under them.

so, now it's almost the end of the working day, and the end of the week. I haven't heard back from either my prescriber or T. What. The. F??

I don't even know what else I'm supposed to do, where I went wrong or what I could have done better. I give up.

i never heard from mine either. i finally went there. in person. and stood there until T came out for next patient. Then asked her about scheduling. She looked at me like she forgot who i was, then said if there was a time she'd call me right away (she's leaving town on tuesday), pat me on the back and walked away.
In times past she has had me come in on a sat when she couldn't fit me in elsewhere. i dunno, zoo... keep trying. you still have 20 min - go for it!!!

Kiya, I'm sorry your T didn't call you and you had to go down there in person. I hope she calls you about scheduling before she leaves on Tues!

I called my T & when she found out that my prescriber hadn't called me back yet she started making phone calls. I think she spent the next 2 or 3 hours calling people, leaving messages, waiting for them to call her back, calling me with updates, then waiting, then calling me again, then more waiting. It was pretty awesome to see her spring into action like that and really advocate for me in this situation. I haven't slept in so many days, I'm just barely functioning at this point. I think she really got that from the little bit we talked.
In the end I wasn't able to get a prescription yesterday for anything to help me sleep, but not for lack of effort on T's part. The last time we talked she said she would continue to work on it Sat morning, because by that time the pharmacy in my town was closed. She talked to me about going to the ER, but she had guessed correctly that I'm not prepared to do that.
I know earlier in the week, earlier in this thread, I was saying I needed to see something from her to show she cared about me. I certainly saw that yesterday. I may not have gotten the prescription I needed to help me sleep, but I got what I needed from T, just some sign that I *matter*, that she sees me, that she hears me, that she cares about me. It means so much.

just updating here, for anyone who has bothered to follow this thread throughout the week, lol.
I saw my T yesterday at my monthly group, it was really good to see her & she asked me right away how I was, if I had slept, etc.
I still hadn't slept, at that point it'd be 4 nights with no sleep. So after the group, which was emotionally difficult but helpful, she had me stay and she made a couple more phone calls & we got things worked out. I ended up getting a prescription for some seroquel which I picked up on my way home & slept for 17 hrs, lol!
But before I left I told T again how much I appreciate all the calls she made on Fri & Sat, all the help she had given me to get that to happen. She said she did it because she was worried about me and that she was afraid if I didn't get help with that I wouldn't be able to continue the trauma work. She said "you can do this, zooropa. We're gonna get through this together".

I don't know HOW she knew that that's *exactly* what I needed to hear from her in that moment, but it was, and it felt so good. She has told me that before, but in so many ways I'm just a scared little girl inside and need reassurances like that again and again. I need to know I'm not all alone in the dark sometimes.

(((((((((((Zoo)))))))))))) I'm so glad she said this When my T says "we'll find our way to the other side of this", it means SO much to me. That feeling of someone being in it WITH me is so huge and important and healing. To finally, finally, FINALLY not be all alone with this stuff.

I'm really glad you got some sleep!!!

Thanks zoo - i'd forgotten where i'd put my response and also wanted to give an update - T finally called me Friday night about 8pm, telling me there was a workshop next morning at 9 that I was welcome to come to =) Of course, i went.

I am sooooooooooo glad she got stuff going for you and was able to get your rx in. yay for t! ..or pdoc!

thank you tree!!! Yes, it's so amazing to think that I'm not alone with this stuff, for the first time ever. It's what's keeping me going through the trauma work, I think, the idea that if I stop what I'll get is to carry this stuff alone forever, the way I have been for so long. As hard as this work is, T is the 1st person in my life to be willing to sit with me & share the burden of it. I'm lucky to have that. I just have to be strong enough to show it to her.

Kiya, that's great!!! I'll have to look around, did you leave a post somewhere telling us about that workshop? I'm so glad your T called you and you were free to go the next day.

" Kiya, that's great!!! I'll have to look around, did you leave a post somewhere telling us about that workshop? I'm so glad your T called you and you were free to go the next day. "

Yep - here in the same forum, under "cancelled" =)

how are you doing today? Are the meds helping some? Do you have another anpt to check in with?