[susierose]

That i have a real self hatred for my reflection, If look in a mirror i don't know who that is looking back at me, I am NOT her. I feel im in the wrong body, and that i am thin, pretty and young, But the lady looking at me is over weight haggard has a wonky eye and is ugly and unkempt. T didn't really say much cos were in group therapy. I want to know why i feel that way. Dose anyone feel or felt the same?????

I'm right there with ya, susierose! I feel like I am still a thin early 20-something, not an overweight 30-something. I feel like that's my true self. And that's why I freaked out when T and I were talking about weight once, and she made a comment about a former patient of hers being "even fatter than you" - oh, I was soooooooo hurt! Of course, we talked about it for a few sessions after that - I had to make T understand that even if she didn't mean to call me 'fat', she still associated the word with me, which hurt me so much because I thought she'd seen my true self, and MY TRUE SELF IS NOT FAT! Plus, I just assumed that T thought of me as I did - all that self-hate, every negative connotation that exists in my head related to the word "fat".

So yes, I do feel that way - you are not alone! It's great that you could open up about that in group to T!!!

[susierose]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

I'm right there with ya, susierose! I feel like I am still a thin early 20-something, not an overweight 30-something. I feel like that's my true self. And that's why I freaked out when T and I were talking about weight once, and she made a comment about a former patient of hers being "even fatter than you" - oh, I was soooooooo hurt! Of course, we talked about it for a few sessions after that - I had to make T understand that even if she didn't mean to call me 'fat', she still associated the word with me, which hurt me so much because I thought she'd seen my true self, and MY TRUE SELF IS NOT FAT! Plus, I just assumed that T thought of me as I did - all that self-hate, every negative connotation that exists in my head related to the word "fat".

So yes, I do feel that way - you are not alone! It's great that you could open up about that in group to T!!!

Thanks I hate the fact that they don't see me just her, I really hate the lady in the mirror.

[theave]

That sounds familiar to me too - the lower I feel, the less I can look in the mirror and the less I recognise the person looking back. I think I've always tried to detatch myself from the physical "me" as I was plump as a child (though looking back I was fine) then had a few years in my 20s when I was pretty slim but still felt fat. Now I am more overweight than ever before and find myself repellent but seem incapable of doing anything about it - maybe because I feel I deserve to hate myself.

I hope you are able to talk more about this to your therapist - and if you come up with how to deal with it, please let me know