On Gifts in Therapy

I've had many T's.most of them pretty bad. A long time ago, I made a bunch of cookies but when I handed them to T he gave them to his receptionist and told her to send them over to the hospital or the staff! Right in front of me. There was NO discussion of it afterward.
FastforwardI have a very good T who has gone over & above any expectations I had. He is always available to me no matter what the time or day. He has saved my life on many occiasions. He has written off charges (way over $1000) that my insurance didn't cover. He has seen me on the weekend when I am in crisis. The list of what he as done for me goes on forever. He has always said I give him gifts all the time; gifts of choosing to live, of continuing to struggle through the work of therapy..
He has always told me he didn't want or need any more from me, but he never out-right refused like the other T.
This year, because of all the stuff we've been through together, I gave him an expensive gift. He (and I) both felt akward but later he emailed me. He was amazed and very excited about the gift It was worth it to see the happiness on his face and to know that he knows how much he means to me.

thank you for that! Really! I just couldn't think what to say, or how to give it to her, and then there were so many other more important things to talk about. I will just hand it to her next time I see her and say "I made this for you" and that's it. And I will probably check out a little bit, too, but then it'll be over

just an update, I did give my T the cowl I knitted for her and she seemed to genuinely appreciate & admire it.
It was a very special moment between us, actually, when I gave it to her and she opened it and thanked me. I am so glad I was able to work up the courage to give it to her. I had a lot of fear of rejection, that for some reason she would say she couldn't accept it or that she wouldn't like it or something.
Thanks for your encouragement, PCers!

I'm so glad you gave it to her and it was a wonderful experience for you!! It sounds like it felt really good

My T asked me if I ever did anything to get relief from the constant mental and emotional hell I always describe to him. I said yeah, I do art. So I brought some in so he could see -- I had made some prints, hoping he'd want one. He did!

But at our last session, I had a bag of coffee and chocolate and stuff and he looked horrified. Said he didn't accept gifts. I felt like, great, excuse me for living. He was kind of rude about it. I think he's crazy...more on that in a later thread, don't mean to hijack :-)

I'm sorry that happened, kitten. I was kind of afraid my T would say she couldn't accept the gift I made her, too, I know how much rejection I would have felt if that'd have happened.

When I first went to give my T a gift that I made her (A bracelet). She told me that she didn't accept gifts, but then said she would. I gave her another one I made a couple months later and she said she will think of me when she wears it.

For Christmas, I decided to paint a rose and place the quote from Anais Nin under it about the risk to blossom. I put some colorful edges around it and put it in a frame. She immediately took it out and placed it on the end table right next to her chair and said this is the perfect enviornment for this. She said she really liked it. It felt really nice to hear her say that.

It's hard when a T doesn't accept a gift. I could see if it were a really expensive one, but rejecting them is really tough on the client. I remember how awkward I felt the first time I went to hand her one. Her first response really hurt because I did it out of the kidness of my heart and didn't expect anything in return. It wasn't like I was trying to win her, more like a thank you for what she is helping me do.

My gifting story:
In July I found a book to help me "Trauma and Recovery". Bought 2, one for me and one for T. Trying to improve him? Well, I sensed he wasn't experienced in this area (women's trauma).
He did accept it, and did agree to read it with me. I jokingly said it was only a loan, his copy is going to my friend when we are done. But there was an odd reaction that I just couldn't place.
Last month we formally "finished" the book. He asked for the info on the women's support group I'd attended in the fall, said he would like to make a donation to the program. WOW. What?? I'm special?
Much discussion on this topic. Turns out he'd thought upon accepting the book that he'd make a donation to charity to "balance" it. He had not really ever felt right in accepting the book but he really liked it and is keeping it.

Ironic twist - SO, what's he going to do to balance out the CD that I gave him in December for his birthday? Guess I'd better make sure he knows when MY birthday is coming.