[crystalrose]

I got a letter from my old T that I just terminated from. I miss her so much. Its such a nice letter. She said she loves me in it. The things that she wrote made me cry a lot. Not sure what to think or do. I'm going to write her back though. What is everyones thoughts on this? ?

That sounds like a lovely letter, how wonderful for you! I see nothing wrong with writing your old T back.

[crystalrose]

yeah i definatly writing her back. Just wanted thoughts more on the countertransference type of things in the letter she wrote, got me kinda worried because i don't know how to deal with it, even if it is what i wanted to hear. Argh i confuse myself.

[Bill3]

What were the circumstances of the termination?

I think it's a little weird. I'm curious about the circumstances of the termination too?

I'd just take it at face value and appreciate the sentiment. It was very thoughtful of her to write the letter.

[jexa]

I agree with farmergirl.. don't think too much into the countertransference.. it's good she wrote you the letter.. I think it will be very sweet if you write back.

Are you going to see her one last time this year to close things off?

[danixomarie]

awww thats really nice of her, i'd probably write back

[crystalrose]

There were a few reasons but the main reason that I can't see her because she only sees clients that are children and younger adults. I had a birthday that cut me from her client list. Also though she isn't seeing clients as a therapist next year anyway so even if i wasn't the age I am, I couldn't see her anyway. There is nothing I or T could do. I terminated therapy suddenly without telling T. Then wrote her after a few weeks had passed. T wrote back to me that is the letter I am talking about.
Our relationship was more than just a therapeutic relationship. I think its important that everyone acknowlages that this is the case.
I had been seeing her for a very long time. 4 years. When i first saw her i was distant, paranoid and anxious, and didn't talk much. T helped me to talk and many other things, she helped me feel real and be a person again.

I don't understand why people on here are advising me to move on when T had never shown that much of her counter transference and now she is speaking very openly about it in a letter. It of course would evoke feelings from any client.

[quote=crystalrose;1228437] T had never shown that much of her counter transference and now she is speaking very openly about it in a letter. It of course would evoke feelings from any client.[/quote

((((((((((((((crystalrose))))))))))))

I'm so glad she wrote you that letter

I don't know if I would call her feelings for you "countertransference". It sounds like she is expressing her very real feelings about you and your very real relationship.

I'm glad that she is comfortable enough with herself and with you to give you that gift.

[crystalrose]

thats true Treehouse i never thought of it like that. T actually does love me. Thats a lovely thought. Also a quite scary thought.
hugs back to you too

[chaotic13]

Crytalrose, I'm not sure what your T actually said in the letter or what you meant when you said your T relationship was more than just a therapeutic relationship.

I know for me I tend to really get confused when people express deep feelings for me. In my head stuff gets distorted and innocent statement get sexualized in my head and trigger an anxiety loop. I had a brief but very deep connection recently with someone. After that connection the person hugged me and said she loves me. I had a similar situation occur around New Year's last year and that one REALLY, really, really left me freaked out.

Because I am not used to interacting with people on this deeper more intimate level I get easily unsettled and very confused when people use the LOVE word or show me a lot of attention especially if... I realize I like it.

My T has helped me a lot by reassuring me that these expressions are OK, healthy, not meant in a sexual way. In fact.. just last week I needed her reassurance yet again that a situation and the way I was responding to it was OK. LOL My T is getting good at sending me the "IT's OK, YOU'RE OK, YOU'RE OK, YOU'RE OK message.

[Bill3]

Thats a lovely thought. Also a quite scary thought.

How is it scary?

[crystalrose]

im not sure..

[rainbow8]

Crystal--many of us want to think that our relationship with our T is more than therapeutic. So, any caring gesture on the T's part gets analyzed and magnified. The letter your T wrote is special, especially if she said that she loves you. But it doesn't mean you and she have a relationship outside of therapy. It means she has a special place in her heart for you.
Is it scary because you're not used to anyone loving you just for being you? Even when you are not seeing her any more, you have that letter to hold to. You also have your memories. No one can take those away.

[crystalrose]

Oh I know that is what ppl say and what ive always been told.

so imagine my confusion

But in her letter she said that a therapuetic relationship wasnt a good way to describe it as the relationship was more than therapeutic.

[Bill3]

It seems confusing because your T stated that the relationship is not what people usually say of therapist-patient relationships.

Do you see the relationship as being more than therapeutic?

She seems to just be saying she cares for you like a friend. Don't let that bother you. That's nice. I have an old t who I definitely consider a friend after all these years. We've kept in touch from time to time, but we definitely don't have the therapist/client relationship anymore. But I know he loves me. That's nice to know. Just accept the love for what it is.

[rainbow8]

I think I "get" it now. If I got a letter like that from my T I'd be confused too. I'd be thinking: what does she mean? It would stir things up for me. I've always wanted the relationship to be more than it is, and then along comes my T saying something that could mean she agrees that it is more. I would get my hopes up that maybe she'd go to lunch with me, talk to me longer on the phone, or see me even though therapy is technically over.

I don't think your T should have worded it that way because she knows about your strong feelings towards her. I think she probably is trying to tell you that you matter to her, that your relationship was important to her too. Maybe she is telling you that she wants to hear how you're doing, that just because you're not her client anymore, it doesn't mean she is going to forget you.

If it were me, I'd be a little angry with my T for saying that because it has the potential to give me a "high" but then make me very disappointed. If you can't come to terms with what she wrote, and don't understand what she really meant, I'd say to write or call her and ask--to tell her you're confused and to clarify what she said. That statement would be enough for me to want to schedule a session to tie up loose ends otherwise I'd obsess about it forever. But you're not me. I'm just giving you something to think about if you can't put her letter to rest.