[cai23]

I am so frustrated with all of this therapy stuff right now. I don't know what to do anymore because its scaring the crap out of me now. Two weeks ago I told T something very personal, probably the most shameful thing I've ever done in my life and now suddenly I have this overwhelming sadness in me. Not from what I told him, but from everything that has happened to me in the past. I have never been able to talk about those feelings, not those overwhelming sad feelings. I don't even think he realizes just how far that sadness goes...nobody does I've been so good at hiding it all my life. I can't even explain it....I did think about burning him a cd with two songs on it that might help. Anyway...I don't know what to do now, I'm so very scared if I let it out I'm going to self destruct. And how does one let it out in T and walk out that door and go back home and function. My H just doesn't get mt inability to control my emotions anyway and this will just make it harder. I only see T every 2 weeks but did call yesterday and they had a cancellation so I'm going in Thursday. T called me last night because the girls told him I sounded strange and he knows I have been struggling with not using my bad coping skills. So if anyone can offer me some words of advice I would greatly appreciate them. I feel so lost and alone right now....I haven't felt this way in a looooooooong time.
cai

[zooropa]

cai, I understand so much of what you are talking about. I'm not in a good place myself today to write much of a response and I feel bad for that but I wanted you to know that people aren't just reading your message and clicking away because they don't care. I care, and I understand. I'm struggling too. Maybe we can just sit together and be ok together and not so alone, for awhile?

[cai23]

zooropa thanks for understanding. I'm sorry your not in good place either. Thanks for sitting with me, I need someone that understands.
cai

[moonrise]

I'm right where you are now. I think I need to learn how to face the world and wall off the overwhelming-ness of therapy. Sometimes I have luck visualizing leaving all the pain and fear in my T's office, locked up until I'm there again. I'll write more later. I'm on my phone now, and typing takes forever. Hugs to you !