[Martina]

I have been getting frustrated with my psych nurse for a while now. She does both medications and therapy. She probably saved my life, she really has been great, but lately it's just not going anywhere. And she's consistenly VERY late to our appointments. Like 30-45 minutes late. With no apologies whatsoever. She doesn't listen to my complaints about side effects from the medications, she seems to think I'm just whining. And we're stonewalling in therapy.

So I called another therapist, just to check things out. And after only two sessions, I can already tell I really like this guy. Just his attitude, his approach, everything.

So I decided I am going to just see my psych nurse for meds visists only, and see this other man for therapy.

He told me I need to tell her, for a lot of reasons, but also so he can talk to her about me and get a history. She's been on vacation since just before Christmas, but she gets back on Tuesday. I left her a voice mail and said there was something important I needed to talk to her about in person, but it would only take 5-10 minutes, so I want her to fit me in on lunch. Told her to call me and let me know when to come in.

Now I'm scared. How do I tell her? This woman has done so much for me. A year ago I was highly suicidal and nearly completed it more than once. She brought me back from the depths of hell and I owe her so much. How can I leave her like this?

I still have to see her for the meds, anyway. So I'm not cutting her off completely. And I don't want to make it awkward from now on.

What do I tell her?

this is a tough situation, so no wonder you are feeling a lot of fear. BUT! You do not owe this person anything. She is a professional and it is up to her to accept whatever you decide is best for you in terms of therapy, even if that means seeing someone else.
As for what to say, how about something like:

Originally Posted by Martina

she really has been great, but lately it's just not going anywhere. we're stonewalling in therapy....
So I called another therapist, just to check things out. And after only two sessions, I can already tell I really like this guy. Just his attitude, his approach, everything. So I decided I am going to just see my psych nurse for meds visists only, and see this other man for therapy.

That's about all she needs to know really. And hopefully she will wish you well and be happy that you are going after what you need!

[chaotic13]

Martina,
First of all good for you for seeking what you needed. I would just tell her that you are going to try working with a new therapist. That you appreciate all the progress that she has helped you achieve and that you would still like to continue working with her with regard to your meds. I would not go into a lot of detail about why you decided to change therapist, just if necessary say that you just sensed you needed to change things up a bit. Keep your options open so that you can change back if the spirit moves you.

Therapy is about you not the therapist. As long as you don't give her a laundry list of all the things she didn't do for you, there should be no negative feelings about you wanting to explore a different approach or person. She will likely take pride in the fact that she helped you move from being totally out of control to being very proactive in meeting your own needs.

As for your new T. It sounds like he is working out well. I get why he wants you to tell her but I don't get why he thinks it is necessary to get a history. If you have been working well so far, why can't he just get your history from you?

[WePow]

I agree with Chaotic13 ... Be true to yourself. Be honest. Be kind.

[googley]

Martina,

It is okay that you are changing Ts. Ts are used to this. While they care for us, it is also a professional relationship and they know that there are times that we will not continue working with them. If she can't accept you changing your T then she might not be the one to continue working with meds either. But I hope that she is able to adjust and you find what you need.

[sunrise]

Martina, therapists are used to this sort of thing, so I think she will react professionally. I think it will help you get closure if you do express your gratitude for all she has helped you with. Hopefully, you can continue the relationship and see her for your prescriptions. Although you did say she doesn't listen to your concerns about medication side effects....

Originally Posted by Martina

He told me I need to tell her, for a lot of reasons, but also so he can talk to her about me and get a history.

It is not required when changing therapists for the therapists to talk to each other. Your new T can take a history by talking to you directly. In general, if old and new Ts talk, I would be worried the new T would be influenced by the old T's diagnosis and not have an open mind and make his own diagnosis, which might be different. If you don't want the two of them to talk, you needn't give your permission. You could just tell him you would be happy to answer any of his questions. If he is uncomfortable with this, I would wonder if he lacked confidence in his diagnostic skills.

Good luck.

[ECHOES]

What about just what you said in your post: Tell her that you've decided to separate your therapy from your medication visits, so you will be seeing her for just the medication from now on. Doing this doesn't mean you don't appreciate what she's done to help you, just that you have decided to do things differently.

Some therapists do like to get a treatment history from the previous therapist, but it is your decision to allow that; in fact, you will have to sign a written consent form to allow that. It is up to you.