[WePow]

I decided to do some research about gifts with T and found this wonderful paper about gifts in session!!

http://www.zurinstitute.com/giftsintherapy.html

It was a bit long for me to read all of it at this minute, but I got the jist. Thanks for the article.

I've only given my t one gift. It was last Christmas, after 4 years of therapy, and I just felt drawn to find something symbolic of our relationship to give him for Christmas. I found a really nice figurine of a circus elephant balancing on one of those small circus platforms. That's how I have felt so much of the time as I've gone through this therapy process, but my t has always been there to help me find my balance. He completely saw the symbolism as soon as he opened it. It sits on a shelf in his office now. He tells me he uses it as an example when he's talking to other clients.

He's funny about all the "trophies" as he calls them that he's gotten over the years. He works with kids too, so there are some really funny McDonald's happy meal toys mixed in with items from adults. He can tell you the symbolism behind each one.

[WePow]

Chris, that is so wonderful! Thank you for sharing that! I love to see how Ts do these things and help us change our lives.

I've given T a few small, inexpensive gifts that have had symbolic meaning for us. And I've brought him small food gifts occasionally. I like giving little gifts to T...it doesn't come up that often, maybe a couple of times a year.

Thanks for the article

[Brightheart]

I left him a gift by his office door once after he was done seeing my daughter. No way for him to refuse! Me being chicken... It was a little statue of the breed of dog he has for a pet. And some dog bones...He'd brought the dog in once trying to get my daughter to talk to him. He so obviously adored that dog. And the dog him...It followed him everywhere.

Anyhow, it seemed like a nice thing to do for him. I wanted him to know that I appreciated the fact that he's a person too. I wanted him to feel appreciated.

[just2b]

i am giving mine a travel mug with engraving that says Dr.______ thanks for everything! I now think I should have just written Merry Christmas 2009. The reason for the thank you is she might not treat me, our session is Dec 30th, thinking of bringing it with me to give her as a Christmas gift even though it is more of a thank you. Or thinking of getting a Christmas Card. Depends on how session goes to see what I should do. I will have it with me in a bag so she can't see it.

[ECHOES]

I made her a scarf. lol Which is rarely necessary here in the sub-tropics. I am torn about giving it to her. I have until Wed to decide.
That's the gift.
The card was grueling to decide on. lol

i always get t a christmas gift...last year i got her dog a decoration for the tree (from basset rescue..it was handmade and had her name on it)...this year she is getting a bottle of wine "PINOZE to the ground NOIR" specially made for basset rescue...don't know if its good...it might be swill...but hey its the thought that counts.

i figure i've driven her to drink many times so she might as well support a good cause while doing it.

she also gives me birthday and christmas gifts...i don't know if she does that for all the other patients (clients what ever) & i don't lose sleep worrying about it...it makes me feel special and keeps my kid peeps happy...last year she gave us this huge food basket (honestly i'm sure it was a re-gift from either her or her husbands office but it worked for us) and one of our kid peeps got lost looking in it...she had to yell at him and take it away until it was time to leave...he got a little distracted!

christmas is a very hard time for us...we don't do the tree thing or anything but we do gifts for those in our "family" (friends, t, dr)...real family can be damned.

stumpy

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I made her a scarf.

I made T a scarf too

[WePow]

You guys are so thoughtful. Sadly, I can never again give my T a gift. Not that he said so but a stupid transference issue I had when I brought in a hand stress ball for him for therapy. I have one at work and saw one for a couple dollars and thought he would like it. His first word was "No!" - lol - probably because I already gave him some books - DID specific and I thought he might need them since that is not his area but he is trying hard to help me out. And I gave him some Native American music. But he let me leave the stress ball in the office for his therapy toolbox or whatever - I hope I never see that dumb ball again as long as I live though!!! That is why I found the link I posted. I just wondered what was said about the act of gift giving in the therapy context. He gave me a stone that was personal to him and I was holding onto it as a symbol of hope.

I think it takes a lot of courage to offer a T a gift that means something personal to us. That day with the ball, I felt like a child with my mom trying to offer her a toad or something. Just that "YUCK! What is wrong with you!" sensation that took me by surprise totally. OMG and now I can never ever talk with him about it in session! Which means now I have something that bothers me that I can't bring up. But it is great to read what others do with gifts and how T responds!

Originally Posted by wpowers

That day with the ball, I felt like a child with my mom trying to offer her a toad or something. Just that "YUCK! What is wrong with you!" sensation that took me by surprise totally. OMG and now I can never ever talk with him about it in session!

oh, (((((((((((wpowers))))))))))) what a painful feeling...

Why can't you talk to T about it??

[WePow]

I maybe able to one day. He is an excellent T - honestly. But it is me. I just have a hard time facing my own pain. I think it reminded me of the time when I was 8 and fixed my mom scrambled eggs for breakfast on April fools day. I was trying to surprise her because she would think I did not do it but I really did. Anyway, I didn't know how to cook but that didn't stop me from trying. But instead of her telling me they didn't turn out so well, she had me get something out of the bathroom and she told me she ate the eggs by the time I got back. Well, later on that morning I went outside and there were my eggs in the dog bowl. Even the dog didn't want them! LOL . It is funny now, but it broke my heart when I was that little. Mainly because my mom lied and told me she ate them. But also because she gave them to the dog. And because even he didn't want them. LOL. I can laugh about it now. But there is just a part of me that avoids confrontation about some things like that.

[ECHOES]

I made T a scarf too

tree, I am so glad to see this. I am so nervous about giving it to her tomorrow.
Somehow this comforts me. lol.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I made her a scarf. lol Which is rarely necessary here in the sub-tropics. I am torn about giving it to her. I have until Wed to decide.
That's the gift.
The card was grueling to decide on. lol

I am working on a knitted cowl (like a scarf) for my T, but I don't know if I will be brave enough to give it to her when I see her on Monday. It was kind of a relief to see your post, echoes, and know that I'm not the only one with similar feelings. Let us know what you decide!

Originally Posted by ECHOES

tree, I am so glad to see this. I am so nervous about giving it to her tomorrow.
Somehow this comforts me. lol.

I gave it to him, and he loved it...or did a good act, anyway I know he loves handmade things -art, pottery, etc. - so I do think he loves that it is something made by hand.

He immediately started trying it on all different ways and was going to wear it IN SESSION but that just overwhelmed me for some reason so I took it back and put it on his chair with his coat.

I bet she will love it, ECHOES.

[ECHOES]

He immediately started trying it on all different ways and was going to wear it IN SESSION

Ha!!! What a fun guy he is! I'm glad he loved it

[WePow]

Treehouse - that is very interesting that his wearing it struck something in you. It is very telling how our responses to T's responses on a gift can express hidden items we might need to face. I will have to think about what you said.

[chaotic13]

I opted for a card this year. IDK, getting a gift that was less than a million dollars just didn't seem to do it for me. Just felt like a card was better when the service provided was priceless.

[MissCharlotte]

Ok, so today I gave T a cardboard box with nothing in it! I had noticed that the old shoe-box he used for the colored pencils in his office was falling apart. So several months ago I started painting a shoebox with a different scene on each side. I have made these craft boxes before for different reasons. Then I put it down and didn't finish it. I had the usual T worries--what if he doesn't want it...what if someone else is attached to the pencils and he doesn't want to play favories...what if , what if, what if..... but I finally decided to finish it for this Christmas. And today I gave it to him. He loved it~ He thanked me and then at the end of session he dumped out all pencils into the box I made and put it on the shelf. Whew. So now a piece of me is always there!

Oh yeah and he right away went into analytical mode--describing the scenes on each side of the box (where he lives and where I live). This was not intentional but I had put a city scene on one side and a country scene on ther other.

Originally Posted by wpowers

Treehouse - that is very interesting that his wearing it struck something in you. It is very telling how our responses to T's responses on a gift can express hidden items we might need to face. I will have to think about what you said.

I'm curious about my reaction too. It felt overwhelming to me to see him wearing it. And he actually left me a phone message in which he said a few times how much he LOVES it...I think he really means it...and I feel like

I REALLY don't know what that's all about. But I'm sure it's something!

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

He loved it~ He thanked me and then at the end of session he dumped out all pencils into the box I made and put it on the shelf. Whew. So now a piece of me is always there!

[sunrise]

I've never given my T a gift for the holidays, his birthday, or any time. I am too shy to do that. I think I mailed him a holiday card last year with some kind words inside, and I assume he received it. I also gave him a card this last summer at the end of my divorce, with my thanks inside. Other than that, I do give him a lot of intangibles in session--my trust, my caring, my self.... But not a tangible gift. Although sometimes I bring things I have created, like poems. The thought of giving an official gift is too much for me. I have seen other gifts in his office that clients have given so I know he accepts them, but it is scary to me somehow.

[Typo]

My T suggested I take ceramics this last semester, I have a little cermaci figure I made, ti's kinda of crazy looking, but I"m going to give it to T next session I have with her

[Brightheart]

I felt scared to do it too, but it was very hard for me to stop myself from doing it anyhow. The last time I left therapy I sent former T a slideshow of nature photos I knew he would enjoy looking at. In retrospect, I think maybe I shouldn't have done that, but at the time, I was trying to say good-bye and express my feelings of affection and appreciation for him. I wanted to do something which would give him good feelings, which was probably a big no-no, but I'm sure he understood. It's so hard for me to not be able to give.

[lily99]

I wanted to do something which would give him good feelings, which was probably a big no-no, but I'm sure he understood

Hi Brightheart,
I was just wondering why it's probably a no-no. I only ask because I often feel this way too, but something tells me it's not a good idea. I don't fully understand why though...

Could you share your thoughts on this?
Thanks