[tryingtobeme]

I had my first session with couples counseling last night. My husband was actully very calm. Not me, I froze like a stuipd idiot. I am so done with therapy. I don't even want to go back to my own individual therapy. I sent an e-mail telling my T that I didn't want to come back any more. I told my husband that I didn't want to go to couples counseling with him either. I haven't heard back from either of them yet.

I'm just done...I don't want to talk about my feelings. Why can't I just be me and do what I wish would happen...let me make it all happen.

I know I am ranting on and on. I'm the basket case that has no one to turn too and is always a burden on everyone. Even here.

I feel completly gone, dead inside, just wandering around...not really knowing where I am going or what I am doing...I'm so ready to just give up on everything.

[WePow]

((((((((((tryingtobeme)))))))))))) You are not a burden on PC. THIS is the pace created for those who need it the most by people who do care. So write it all out and say what is on your heart.

[zooropa]

oh wow, I can definitely relate to not wanting to talk about your feelings any more. A lot of times I secretly wish I could have a lobotomy so I could not HAVE emotions. It is exhausting and painful and...yeah. T reminds me that along with the bad ones there are good ones, too. I forget that sometimes.

You're not a burden here, like wpowers said, that's what this place is for.

[ECHOES]

Sounds like something in the couples counseling really frightened you?

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Sounds like something in the couples counseling really frightened you?

Yes it did. I had to sit very close to my husband and even hold hands with him. That is so hard for me. I hated every minutes of it. I started shutting down, couldn't speak, just froze. I was in a complete dissocation point. So yes this did scare me. So much that I have told all my friends in my real life to leave me along. I even told my T to leave me alone.

[Sventek]

Do you feel as though you're forced to be there in some way? That would be hard. I wonder if the option of 'getting better' is too scary in some way because it may take you some place you don't want to be. Stay strong! I'm sure everyone here will help as much as they can.

[tryingtobeme]

So I am not sure what to do at this point. I had 2 session with our new T's (husband & wife) and with my husband. The first one did not go so well as I said above. The 2nd one wasn't good either. I felt like the husband T was critizing me and making me look like a fool last night. Everything was what am I going to do to make it better. What can I do, what can I commit to. My husband barley got any questions like that. It was all about what does he want and what would help him. Not what he needs to do or can commit to.

I feel like I am on trial here. I didn't think therapy was supposed to be like this. I am so uncomfortable in there, I started crying then I completly zoned out, to the point where I couldn't even think. He kept asking me questions, I don't even remember what they are, and I wasn't able to say anything.

The wife T knew I was not with it. She did try and calm me down and get my focus on our son (we had to bring him with us since we couldn't get a sitter, he's a year old, but entertaining) so I could come back to reality. It did work, but I feel very intimidating by husband T now. I can't even look at him b/c I feel he is going to scold me, and everything I am going to do or say is not going to be right.

His wife is so nice and I can actually see me talking to her, at least at this point I could. I just not sure what I should do. Should I call and talk to wife T? Tell her how I am feeling? Let it go....I don't think that is really and option since I keep trying to block myself off from husband T.

My husband really likes the both of them and really wants to do this therapy stuff. I on the other hand, just feel it is too hard for me. Am I really ready to work on my marriage? As my personal T told me last night (it's a guy and I really get along well with him, I can tell him anything) that regarless of what happens to my marriage in the end this can at least show me what relationships are supposed to look like. Of course, I've never had any healthy relationships.

I'm just at a loss. I don't know what to do. Someone please help me.

[Fartraveler]

you don't need to answer this -- but -- is your husband abusive? Emotionally or verbally or whatever?

[tryingtobeme]

No my husband is not abusive. He does get angry at little things, but he never yells at me. He gets angry at the situation. He has been doing much better with his anger. I will give him credit for that.

Talk to the wife t and let her know your concerns. Marriage counseling can feel that way sometimes. The focus get placed on one or the other, but honestly, it won't always be you. Your husband's time will come around. Stick with this. Your marriage is vitally important.

[darkrunner]

I think it's good that you feel comfortable with the wife-T, and do think you should talk to her.

I've never been to marriage therapy, but I think it would be really uncomfortable for me too. And seeing a husband/wife T team would make it even more complicated.

It sounds like this appoinment (unlike the first one) was somewhat manageable for you. I think you should give it another try.

I think talking with the wife-T before your next appointment will help you be more comfortable. Is there anything else that you think would make you more comfortable? Maybe writing down some of your feelings/thoughts from last session.
Maybe you could ask the Ts to explain a little how they work, (if they haven't already) and what some of their goals are for each session.

I don't know.......I don't blame you for freezing, because I would have too, and I'm just trying to think of some things that might help me if I were in that situation.