[TayQuincy]

I got some really bad news yesterday. One of my biggest supports is leaving the program I have been in for 5 years. I have worked closely with her for 5 years and she is even bigger suport than my T is. And she didn't tell me privately, just announced in front of our whole group with lots of time left for me to sit and painfully hold in all my feelings. We often have met individually over the last 5 yrs. I see her much more often than T. She is like a second T to me and this loss is unbelievably hard to even think about. Now I feel so sad, so incredibly sad! I am seeing her one last time next week to wrap things up between us. I'm going to have to pretend that I'm happy for her and that I'll be okay because if i don't, she will still leave but then will have bad feelings about me. I want her to feel good feelings about me. people always move on in life. Everyone does. I am the only person who does not move on and let go. Well, yes I move on because I happen to continue breathing due to my damn autonomic nervous system! I don't know how I am going to make it through.

[gravyyy]

Hey TayQuincy... it does seem like it was really sudden and unexpected that this support person is leaving. You have every right in the world to feel sad, angry, frustrated, scared, and anything else you might feel. This is someone who by your own admission is closer to you than your actual T and we all know how traumatic it is whene stop the T-client relationship especially when it's unexpected. You say you'll pretend you're happy for her... it's okay to really actually be happy for her but really upset and sad at the same time. This is completely normal and will be excellent for you to discuss with her during your wrap-up. And please remember that her leaving has nothing to do with you personally. It's not that she doesn't love working with you but maybe she has an ill family member or maybe she found a job elsewhere that's going to make it easier for her to take care of her family. It's not because she's running away from you or any other clients. Relax the best you can until you meet with her (way easier said than done... I get that). If you need to, write a letter to her to give it at your last meeting. Take good care TayQuincy! I know this is so difficult but you will get through this. Hang tough!!

WOW, this has to feel so painful to you. It is okay to be happy for her, but you can also say how sad you are for her to leave. Mixed feelings are okay. It sounds like this is so sudden, not much time to process this. ((((Tay)))))) Keep writing away here if it helps, we are here for you.

[Kiya]

(((((((Tay!))))))) ouch that does hurt it has got to be somewhat confusing too, the sudden change/loss. I hope you can talk a little about it with her - tho i do understand the need to mask (and i do so quite frequently any time t even goes on vacay). I'm really sorry this had to happen!

This is a worst case scenario in a therapy relationship TQ. I hope for your sake that you will be honest about how you feel when you see this T for the last time. Making nice would be a disservice to yourself, and to the relationship you have had with this person. being real doesn't change what happens in life, but it can make it easier for us to move on eventually...

[TayQuincy]

Thank you so much gravyyy, exotic, Kiya, and ripley. I am going to see her one last time and I will try to make it a positive "goodbye" experience. I don't know what I will say yet, but I know I will be crying.

Good luck, TayQuincy.