[sw628]

So my B-day is tomorrow and T and I were going to have a celebration. Instead of having it in her office, we were going to meet at a restaraunt of my choice. I also have dinner with her every so often becasue of My ed issues and she wanted to start that up again, because we stopped for a few months. This is OK isnt it? My T is so great with boundaries and I know she would never do anything to hurt me or hurt our relationship. I love her dearly. I know some of you see your T's in the real world, how do you react?

[jennaorgana]

i've never really seen my T out in the real world, though i did see my DBT therapist out and about one afternoon. she was with her boyfriend and kind of didn't even want to recognize me. she obviously did, and it was awkward...

though in my DBT class i did hear alot about people with EDs who would go out to dinner with their T's. some of them were involved in IOP programs with EDs, and part of the program was once a week they all went out to eat, and once a week they ordered in. that seems important to them.

[Elysium]

SW628 ~ I do not see my T outside of T...but I don't think I'd mind.

I think that if you and T both have the healthy therapeutic boundaries in site, and that you are using the restaurant environment as part of your treatment that this is okay. Even if you enjoy it a bit and get a bit of a b-day celebration out of it.

If you were stating that you and T were going out to hang out or that you thought that these meals out together had a deeper meaning other than the fact that your T cares about your health and well being and wants to assist you to heal....then I would be more concerned.

It sounds like you know where the boundaries lie, and that T does too, so if it works for you than go for it.

Traditional therapy is great, but I also think there are times when it is good to go outside the box therapeutically as long as both client and T can maintain the boundaries.

[sunrise]

sw628, I had regular contact with my T outside of therapy and his office for about 2 years when he served in another professional role for me. We met in a few different locations, usually with others. Sometimes it was informal, like sitting together in the lobby of an office building. Sometimes it was more formal, like being in a conference room with others.

Before we began this second role, I did have a worry that I would not know how "to be" with my T outside of therapy. We only had interacted in his office, in that very special way you can interact with a therapist--revealing a lot, expressing feelings, etc. In those days, I was crying a lot in therapy. It seemed like I would be fine all week, get to therapy, and then suddenly find myself sad. It was safe to cry with T. I had this worry that on the outside, I would be all emotional with him too, in a situation that I did not want to be emotional in. I worried I would be trained like a dog--if I was near T, I would be emotional and cry. I didn't know if I could be "normal" with him (more reserved and contained).

What helped me decide if this was going to work was that one day in therapy, he asked me to come outside with him to his car to get something. (It was either that, or leave me alone in his office for a while.) I jumped at the chance, because I immediately recognized it as a chance to be with T outside of his office and see how it felt and if I could interact normally with him. So we went outside, we walked to his car, we got in it, and we drove back. I discovered I could "be" just fine with him outside of the therapy context. I had no trouble with it. I didn't just look at him walking next to me on the sidewalk and burst into tears, LOL. Based on that experience, I decided to go ahead with the second role. And it all turned out just fine. I was very comfortable with him outside, and I didn't get all emotional or cry inappropriately just because he was there. But when we did therapy, I could still be vulnerable. So, it all worked out fine. We are back to doing just therapy now, so I don't see him outside anymore, which is fine. It all worked out very well and did not negatively affect our therapy relationship.

I think the birthday dinner with your T sounds really nice. It sounds like it will be just fine.

This sounds wonderful. Enjoy yourself.

[Fartraveler]

It seems OK.

I know one situation where the therapist took one of her patients shopping for a prom dress. (The patient was a daughter of a friend of mine, and it definitely seemed like a good idea for the therapist to go instead of the mom!)

So, despite all the stated rules, it does kind of depend on the situation.

So, sure. Go and have fun.

-Far

[TayQuincy]

I think it's great that your T does that. A good T, imo, is willing to think outside the box and treat people individually. It's possible to do that while still maintaining good boundaries. I think some Ts get stuck in rigid boundaries that can actually hinder progress (Blue moon's desk t, for example).

[sw628]

Hello All!
Thanks for your thoughtful responses! Today is the big day and i couldn't be happier! I'm happy to have a break from trauma/painful issues that i have been working with t. I know T will always just be T no matter what setting we are in, and I'm willing to give that a try. I appreciate the idea that therapy is evolving from it's traditional role and happy to have a T that thinks outside the box

[WePow]

Happy Birthday!!! I hope that today with T in your special celebration will be one of the most wonderful days of your entire life. I hope you look back on this day in the years to come and see it as a milestone along the path of healing :-)

[Sannah]

The rule is if they are doing it for you or for themselves. It would be trouble if the T wanted to socialize outside of therapy for their needs. If she keeps good boundaries it shouldn't be a problem.

[mightaswelllive]

My T went with me to the doctor one time and it wasn't something I would have been able to do without her. It was also very special to just have a "normal" moment with her. I think it's fine and I think it's really nice.

[emilyjeanne]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

My T went with me to the doctor one time and it wasn't something I would have been able to do without her. It was also very special to just have a "normal" moment with her. I think it's fine and I think it's really nice.

Happy birthday SW!

I think going to dinner for ED issues is fine. But going to dinner for a "birthday" seems to be crossing the boundary. Your birthday has nothing to do with therapy.

With that said, I understand how we are all attached to our T's and want to be with them all the time. Me included. But it is the T's responsibility to keep the boundary clear. Take it from me (who was abused by my old T) going out to eat was the first step down the slippery slope.

[chaotic13]

Sw dinner with your T in the context that you presented with you're ED sounds to me like it it within the the therapeutic boundaries. It sounds like a nice change of environment with an underlying therapeutic objective. I hope you enjoy the dinner and hopefully benefit from the exchange in a more relaxed environment.

[homealone]

Some one needs to copy the link to: Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct found at the American Psychological Associations website and read carefully Standard 3 with emphasis strongly on '3.05 Multiple Relationships' and '3.08 Exploitative Relationships'.

It's even linked from this very web site under the heading above 'RESOURCES'

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by homealone

Some one needs to copy the link to: Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct found at the American Psychological Associations website and read carefully Standard 3 with emphasis strongly on '3.05 Multiple Relationships' and '3.08 Exploitative Relationships'.

It's even linked from this very web site under the heading above 'RESOURCES'

It's not that unusual for therapy to happen outside of the T's office depending on the individual client. I have OCD and have gone places with a T before for working on exposures. On my receipt where T checks what kind of visit it was, there is even a box to check "offsite". It doesn't mean it's a different relationship, it's still t and client. If it was going out for dinner as friends that would not be okay. In the context of an ED, I don't think it is a boundary violation.

Originally Posted by homealone

Some one needs to copy the link to: Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct found at the American Psychological Associations website and read carefully Standard 3 with emphasis strongly on '3.05 Multiple Relationships' and '3.08 Exploitative Relationships'.

It's even linked from this very web site under the heading above 'RESOURCES'

There's nothing exploitive going on here. I think it's a wonderful idea. I've had lunch with t's before. It was just a different setting, a way of celebration.

[BlueMoon6]

SW- It sounds very nice. I have had meals with Ts for ED purposes and it is NOT easy! Id love to hear how it goes. Im sure you'll have fun and enjoy your T and your relationship with her.

[sunrise]

I think it's the A.P.A. that says in its guidelines that dual relationships can, in some cases, be beneficial to the client. To me, this sounds like one of those times.

Happy birthday, SW!

[chaotic13]

Even with the regulation quote...I don't see how having dinner with a client who is being treated for an eating disorder is a boundary crossing. I didn't see any regulations stating that therapy has to only occur in a sterile office setting. This poster doesn't get why you immediately jump from a treatment related outing to exploitation.

[sw628]

Update:
Thankyou for the B-day wishes all!
I just had dinner with T and it went well. It was nice to be outside of the office. I felt more comfortable eating with T tonight.. Something that almost never happens. I'm on cloud nine
To address the ethical implications:
I don't see anything wrong with me having dinner with T regardless if it's my B-day or not. T has great boundaries and would never do anything to exploit our relationship.
i'll post more in detail later

[rainbow8]

I'm glad your dinner with T went well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY (sorry it's late)

'Your birthday has nothing to do with therapy.'

you know...the rules probably mention that t's should not offer gifts to their patients as well...

gotta tell you...an important part of my therapy is healing from childhood abuse..especially the crap my parents did on christmas & birthdays...each year my t (both this one & the old abusive one) make both times special...there are gifts ...the sessions closest to the holidays are important times..rain, floods, fire, etc couldn't keep me away from those sessions.

should t do this? no geez should someone report her butt? probably..will it be me? hell no! i can manage my birthday now, and christmas..and not because she gives me a gift but because someone showed me some love on these days and showed me it was safe...my parents never gave me gifts, or anything execpt abuse on those days..yeah they were special but for the wrong reasons. i was always suicidal on those days..not anymore.

so yeah..birthdays and therapy can be about each other.

so if her t and her have dinner..and SHE IS OKAY by it and enjoyed it then why are we all making this fuss about it...things went well...didn't hear of any "flying snail moments ala pretty woman" so it seems everyone survived.

oh and you know what...my regular dr...she knows the importance of birthdays too...her 4 yrd old son picks out gifts for one of the peeps who is his age...even the pdoc knows enough to say happy birthday too me...

i'm 51 yrs old with no family...and never learned about being safe on birthdays and holidays until a few yrs ago..so yeah therapy and holiday celebrations can co-exist.

stumpy
whose t's birthday is in 2 weeks...and even tho she says we can't buy her anything...she didn't say the peeps can't...they bring her flowers...and each year she she cries.

[out2009]

That is really sweet, I wish my T and I could do that :-) I hope you have a great time.