T's breast.

I could not get this post off my mind and thought "why is that?"
Then it hit me!! Thank you for this posting!!!

For me, I have a male T. I specifically wanted a male T but was not sure why really. Just that I would be more comfortable and not judged since it was my mom who told me a billion times I "HAD" to be a "virgin" when I got married from age 5yrs old and that was after the CSA had already been started with me!!! UGGG!!!
But there was more. And thinking about this post hit it!

I actually find myself sometimes throughout this intense healing trauma visualizing T and picturing me laying my head on his chest. Just that sensation makes me feel very safe inside and I see myself as so small and that somehow he is like superman and his chest is muscled and he holds me close to him in a totally protective way and then as the bad monsters come at us from all corners he uses his free right hand to punch them out one at a time!

I have used this image more than a few times to allow myself to get through the end of flashbacks and be able to get to sleep.

Now I think I see why. I did not feel protected by my father at all.
I wanted to and needed to. He led me on into thinking he was my protector but I knew deep inside he had turned his back on me when he could have protected me. On top of that, he was even an abuser to me!

So I am finding in my T this very basic need of a child to actually be protected from the outside world as I am learning the skills I need to protect myself. Wow.

Very cool WePow! I love the mental image of him punching with his other hand!

As you have explained it farther......that was why I put this in my post:

It is important to use the imagery that is necessary to work through our issues......that is completely understandable & wasn't trying to get it off track with the other comment....just got a wrong underlying thought in how it struck me knowing women who struggle so much because they love & care & aren't able to provide that capability for whatever reason.

I am in complete agreement that using what ever imagery that helps in this healing process is important......& is the good care that shoud be taken. My best wishes on finding that healing that makes the difference in your life.

elskiw, I aint got a clue why your so active on this thread...sucking on the brest is love and caring for a new born....its quite important...sorry if this thread has triggered you.....I stop reading half way through Because I felt you were wanting to tell me something and to be honest, this is about me...just this time.

I have never taken notice of my T chest, probably because she doesn't wear clothing that shows off her cleavage and partly because she doesn't give off the warm and fuzzy motherly vibe.

I do however relate to the need to feel held,loved,nurtured, and to feel safe and secure. Two years ago I would have never acknowledged that I had these needs, but based on an experience that I had during a bodywork session...I guess my inner child does have this need. During my personal experience the image my inner child created was one of being held close and supported but didn't include anyone's breasts.My mother was a kind loving person, I just never felt physically connected to her. IDK if this was because she worked and didn't breastfeed or if it was just that I was a very difficult child who didn't like to be held. Do you ever really get to the point where you really know why you are the way you are?

I liked Sannah's comment about this being Melba's way of expressing her issue or need not about the correctness of breastfeeding or even about breasts at all. What is interesting to me is all the different things people associate with love and caring and all the different ways CSA and neglect and loss and simple parenting choices factor into the mix.

I disagree. As a statement, that is just not true. If you stated that YOU equate the breast as being love and caring, then maybe it wouldn't be causing a ruckus here. You are saying it as if it's the only way babies feel cared about, and without it, they get no love or caring.

It sounds like you have issues around the lack of love and caring you received as an infant, and it is expressed through a yearning for the breast. that is understandable.

I am leaving this thread now, becuase its taking on a life of its own. When Ive suckled I;ll let you know!

I haven't followed this whole thread, but I appreciate your post. I totally get the breast thing, although my T is male. I've often wondered if some of my more unexplainable compulsive behaviors come from frustration over early breast deprivation. I lost two sets -- never got anything from either my birth mother, or my adoptive mother. My birth mother (and her breasts) were simply absent, and my adoptive mother was emotionally withholding and rejecting. And -- she wasn't lactating!

I got breast implants in the early 90s. I thought I was out of proportion and just wanted to look better. Now I think I was literally just trying to buy some breasts for myself. Getting those mom's breasts right inside me that I never had before! (Kind of a horrible thought, but there it is...)

My T has an office in an older building, and I've often realized I was staring at these water spigots fixed to the high ceiling, I think they're sprinklers that go on in case of a fire. My T has asked me why I was staring at them. Now it's so clear! They're exactly like unobtainable breasts...thanks for the thought-provoking post!

What??? This thread is only about Melba. Why can't some just let her have her thread? Of course she has issues around this! This is why she made the thread!

LOL Melbadaze!

Melba,
I apologize for my post above and I would delete it if I could. I guess I was having a bad moment there and upon rereading this thread I understand better what you mean. Sorry for posting in haste before reading through. And I think it takes guts to share what you did

I havent followed this thread either except for the very beginning. Melba, I love that you are able to allow yourself to even be in touch with those very close, warm and safe feelings that you need and want that comes from a mothers breast. I think it is impressive that you even posted about this!

I also crave these kinds of feelings, yet it has never even crossed my mind to nurse from any of my female Ts and I wasnt nursed as a child and nursed all of my children. Could it possibly be that nursing my children satisfied this need for me? That watching the babies I loved and adored this need for closeness as only a mother can give fulfilled that need? I never thought about it before as satisfying my own need for a mother's breast and the warmth of her body. Thanks, Melba.

tay, no probs.

Blue, yes I think breastfeeding our children does help heal our own wounds.

My session yesterday didn't have room for me to talk about this...I'm still processing yesterdays session...it all happened do fast...

For me when I first read the post, I am like eww, only because I don't see my T in that way.

But as far as breastfeeding goes, I never was breastfed, but yet I have breastfed both my children. One for for over 2 years because of severe allergies. Breastfeeding is nurturing and very important. It takes longer to breastfeed a feeding, than to give an infant a bottle feeding, so even that can lead to more holding time for an infant. Plus breast milk doesn't keep the baby as full as formula, so they need to fed more often. There is a special bond, no doubt about that, but it doesn't mean that it the only way you can bond to a child. But if you look at a 6mo. old nursing, they are usually held closer than when one that is giving them a bottle. While breastfeeding obviously the infant has to be close to the mom, at older ages of a bottle fed baby, many times the bottle is propped up. (not always, but I have seen it happen so many times) Many rejoice when the baby can hold their own bottle-so the mom is free to do other things.

When a baby is nursing, it is feeling the warmth of the mom's skin, is up close to her their beating heart, which was heard in the womb, the baby hunger is being fullfilled, the infant is often times either looking up at the mom or relaxed with their eyes closed. No doubt it is about love and security! Who wouldn't want that? Breastfeeding relaxes the mom too, relaxed mom = a much happier baby.

Melbadaze, you see breastfeeding as a symbol of what you wanted in your childhood-something you missed- and it is very understandable. Some people see hugging as something they missed, or being told they are loved- all these needs that point to something more.

I have encountered negative comments from mom's who couldn't breastfeed or didn't choose to while I was nursing my kids. I just wish mom's could support each other more in their decisions that they make regarding child care. I don't look at a non breastfeeding mom as someone who isn't as good of a mom because she bottle feeds. But for those to say breastfeeding isn't important and not a jester of love- well maybe that helps them feel better about their insecurities about their own choice? Why else would they respond so strongly about it? Breastfeeding is so much more than about "feeding your baby" and I think if I am not mistaken that is what Mel is yearning for. I am sure she can drink a cup of milk if she wanted to, but that isn't the point. lol

I didnt breast feed my babies, mainly because I had twins, and wasnt making a statement about mothers, this was about me,m my feelings, that people couldnt get past their own issues and see that is way over my head, I guess I should take it as a compliment that people respect what I say enought too challenge it eh? LOL! and goes to show that people that normally dont even contribute to this forum even got up and posted LOL!

This has to be true. My T also said (we were discussing the fact that I hadn't been breastfed) that breastfeeding creates a hormonal/chemical bond between mother and child. It's apparently a very specific, quantifiable scientific phenom, something that happens in the brains of both mother and child. He was getting all glowy about it as he talked to me, and I felt like: okay, so crap, so I didn't get that, so now what? (Pay attention to me, mister!)

I did ask him about adoptive children. I said I had thought of adopting myself. Would the absence of breastfeeding mean that I wouldn't have a chemical bond with my child? He said it wouldn't be as strong. It was kind of depressing to hear...

Marlarky! Trust me. You'll bond beautifully with any child that you love. Don't listen to him, and certainly don't get depressed about it. Bonding has SOOO MUCH MORE to do with it than breastfeeding.

kitten, I think breastfeeding is the better option, but I think as adopted children, as we both are, it has an added dimension to it. Because the smell will be wrong with adoptive parents, we would feel the Empty breast more so. With children that are birth children They have the reasurance of it being the right mother....bonding doesn't take away desire though, it may make it easier to accept lack of breast...but doesn't mean the desire does not exist as some of the ractions to this thread show.

when I had my first child, I had no desire to breastfeed. With my twins I bottlefed also...I think the whole breastfeeding thing freaked me out...but then one day one of ,y twins wouldnt settle...I put her to my breast and the feeling felt magical...but alas there wasn't enought milk...I so wish I was the person I am now, then...

You can actually learn to breastfeed adopted babies!

Hey, Mel, I am actually trying to defend you about it is okay to feel this about your T and that to you, breastfeeding represents love to you. ( nothing wrong with that)

I just think the strong viewpoints you are getting on this thread isn't so much about you thinking this, but the whole breastfeeding debate thing which I regret was even brought into this.

You equate breastfeeding with love-and you have every right to think that.

I see what you're saying Mel -- yep, the desire does exist

Thanks, farmergirl. I don't know why my T said that to me! He knows half my issues stem from all my rejection-by-my-birth-mother stuff. It felt like he was rubbing it in. I kind of needed him to say, Of course you had a disadvantage, but you weren't doomed from the getgo just because you weren't breastfed. But that wasn't what he stressed.

Just a strange blind spot with this particular T I think...thanks again for your input

No problem. Sometimes I have no idea why doctors say things to people when they know it will just cause them unnecessary stress.

My sister was unable to have children so she adopted. Her daughter was already 4 weeks old when they got her. But you would never find a more bonded mother and daughter. It's really all about love and nurturing and acceptance. That's where the true bond comes from. You will have plenty of those qualities to offer a child.

I think that was all people have been trying to say in this thread.

Yes!

I'll throw in another opinion. I agree that if you can nurse your baby and have that chemical bond, it special. But that IN NO WAY means that if you dont nurse you cant have as strong a bond. It mean to suggest that the bond isnt as strong. There is a specialness to the nursing relationship, but there are special things about a mother that is in love with her baby whether she can nurse or not. Her skin, her touch etc. And not having that (a loving mother) I think creates a need for what babies naturally crave. I think I didnt get that bonding after birth and as a baby. I was told my mother handed me to a nurse and to my grandmother and didnt have much to do with me until I was a older. I think I never properly attached to my mother. I dont remember ever feeling about her the way my children feel about me. The way they love me is so foreign to me and I almost dont understand why they love me, but I just go with it.