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  #26  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 09:32 AM
Anonymous32910
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I haven't gotten that impression.

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  #27  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 09:44 AM
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WePow WePow is offline
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Field - I did not get that impression either. It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with your T. Thereapy is the most individualized medical practice there is. No two minds are alike.
  #28  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 09:59 AM
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chaotic13 chaotic13 is offline
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What kept surfacing in my head as I read through this threat is my own fears and confusions about whether I was the preditor or a prey. I have long held the belief that my T hasn't realized the preditor aspect of me and when she does..she will lose all empathy for me and dismiss me. When I challenge these thoughts about myself they ususally lessen. But deep down, I still resist talking about certain things in therapy.
  #29  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 10:04 AM
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pachyderm pachyderm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fieldofdreams View Post
Question to anyone who's been reading and is willing to answer -- Have I given you the impression that my current T has no personal boundaries or sets no limits on my behavior? Or that as patients, we have no responsibility for our own behavior?
No, I have not gotten that impression.

I think T's need to set boundaries too, for whatever they feel they can do or not do. I originally gave, and said it specifically, how I react to the suggestion that a T would not treat certain kinds of patients. I react to it in terms of my own suspicion that I will be abandoned if I act outside of the boundaries that a T will set, and that that boundary is the same for all T's and that it is always a society norm and that it is good, as such. The suggestion (which is made by some) that some people are beyond the pale, beyond reach -- and that I will be one of those.
__________________
Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
Thanks for this!
skyliner
  #30  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 10:13 AM
Anonymous32910
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That has to be scary. I suspect you aren't one of those though. You are insightful and motivated. Those characteristics go a long way.
  #31  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 10:32 AM
fieldofdreams fieldofdreams is offline
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Thanks for helping me clarify that. Yes, Chaotic13 and Pachyderm, those were also my fears when I reached a point in my current treatment where I realized I needed to focus on my own behaviors in addition to talking about what was done to me. And those fears were greatly magnified by the fearful and punitive ways in which my previous T reacted to anything she perceived as a threat. My current T spent the better part of 2 years helping me understand that her issues were not my fault. For awhile I was so terrified that my current T would react in the same way that I once nearly had a panic attack at my son's high school homecoming football game when I realized that my current T's son was standing a few feet away from me in the bleachers. He didn't know me, and I had no rational reason to be so afraid, but I had only been seeing my current T for about a year and a half at that point and I was still struggling with the idea that I was being intrusive just by standing near my T's son. In all my previous years of therapy prior to seeing fearful and punitive T, I never had those kinds of fears until I was blamed and held responsible for that T's feelings.
  #32  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 11:44 AM
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pachyderm pachyderm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl View Post
I suspect you aren't one of those though. You are insightful and motivated.
I am not one of those, eh? How can one ever tell?
__________________
Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
Thanks for this!
fieldofdreams
  #33  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 12:31 PM
kitten16 kitten16 is offline
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Ha, that's brilliant

Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow View Post
Thank you Field for the link. I agree that honesty with T is the ONLY way to get the medical help a person needs. It makes as much sense to keep a secret from T as it would be if a doctor said "Now don't tell me if this hurts."

I honestly do not get a T who would reject honesty.
  #34  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 12:37 PM
kitten16 kitten16 is offline
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Field, I don't think you've given any negative impression about your T regarding boundaries at all.

But it's confusing. I was confused about this recently. For instance, I was hesitant to tell my T that I was visiting and contributing to this site (I didn't tell him the name of it). But I did tell him. He was interested in why I had been reluctant to mention it. He said, "There are limits on my behavior with you, but you don't have any limits around this." He basically said I could do whatever the heck I wanted, talk about whatever I wanted, share the content of our sessions with other people, post about it on Facebook, whatever. He said the boundaries are all on his side...which kind of astonished me. I thought for sure I had some. I mean I assume he knows I'm not going to assault him or anything. But he often says, "In here, it should be like it is in your mind. Therapy should be like thinking."

Kind of an ideal scenario. I like the idea, I'm just not there yet...

Anyway, Field, so you think the opposite though -- that clients should have more boundaries? I'm very interested in this, would like to hear your elaboration!

(I'm kind of a zombie today, please forgive me if I'm somehow missing the point of the thread...)

Quote:
Originally Posted by fieldofdreams View Post
Question to anyone who's been reading and is willing to answer -- Have I given you the impression that my current T has no personal boundaries or sets no limits on my behavior? Or that as patients, we have no responsibility for our own behavior? Because that's far from the truth -- my T has very firm and clear boundaries and limits, and one of the reasons I began this thread was to talk about the importance of having the opportunity in therapy to honestly explore and examine our own destructive behaviors, not to condone them. I'm a little confused by some responses here that seem to imply otherwise. I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding certain responses or if I am leading people to believe that we should all be allowed to do whatever we want and our T's should just accept that. That's not my intention at all and I'd like to clarify that.
Thanks for this!
Thimble
  #35  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 01:25 PM
Anonymous32910
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm View Post
I am not one of those, eh? How can one ever tell?
There are people who don't want to change. They won't acknowledge their problems or take responsibility for their actions. I would think that would make therapy pretty useless. Until someone really wants to change, no one can do it for them.
  #36  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 01:33 PM
fieldofdreams fieldofdreams is offline
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Hi Kitten16,
No, I don't think clients/patients should have more boundaries -- it's not the number of rules and boundaries that I believe is important -- it's the clarity and fairness of those rules and boundaries that really matters. I think the boundaries should be clear, consistent, and reasonable so that T's don't pathologize common behaviors that most people would find to be within normal realms.
My T actually has very few rules, but they're clear, consistent, and fair. He does not expect me to be responsible for his privacy or his feelings and he has a clear understanding of the difference between an actual threat and a perceived threat that's based on his own issues. For example, if I were to actually threaten him with violence and he had reason to believe that I would follow through on that threat, he would absolutely hold me responsible for that. But if he "feels threatened" in the absence of a clear, identifiable threat, he knows that he needs to look at his reaction and try to understand it instead of holding me responsible for his feelings. It's possible that he feels threatened because maybe my behavior has an aggressive tone, but it's also possible that he feels threatened because of an unresolved issue of his own, and it's important to explore it at all angles before a T holds a patient responsible for a threat that may not be real.
Am I making sense? I know what I'm trying to say but I'm not sure I'm explaining it right.
  #37  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 03:42 PM
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pachyderm pachyderm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl View Post
There are people who don't want to change. They won't acknowledge their problems or take responsibility for their actions. I would think that would make therapy pretty useless. Until someone really wants to change, no one can do it for them.
I am very suspicious of therapists who say that some people "do not want to change" or "do not want to get well". I see it as a way of blaming someone for something that the T does not understand, rather than admitting that lack of understanding of what is going on.
__________________
Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
  #38  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 04:30 PM
kitten16 kitten16 is offline
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Yep, that makes perfect sense. I like your T!

Quote:
Originally Posted by fieldofdreams View Post
Hi Kitten16,
No, I don't think clients/patients should have more boundaries -- it's not the number of rules and boundaries that I believe is important -- it's the clarity and fairness of those rules and boundaries that really matters. I think the boundaries should be clear, consistent, and reasonable so that T's don't pathologize common behaviors that most people would find to be within normal realms.
My T actually has very few rules, but they're clear, consistent, and fair. He does not expect me to be responsible for his privacy or his feelings and he has a clear understanding of the difference between an actual threat and a perceived threat that's based on his own issues. For example, if I were to actually threaten him with violence and he had reason to believe that I would follow through on that threat, he would absolutely hold me responsible for that. But if he "feels threatened" in the absence of a clear, identifiable threat, he knows that he needs to look at his reaction and try to understand it instead of holding me responsible for his feelings. It's possible that he feels threatened because maybe my behavior has an aggressive tone, but it's also possible that he feels threatened because of an unresolved issue of his own, and it's important to explore it at all angles before a T holds a patient responsible for a threat that may not be real.
Am I making sense? I know what I'm trying to say but I'm not sure I'm explaining it right.
  #39  
Old Feb 26, 2010, 05:06 PM
Anonymous32910
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm View Post
I am very suspicious of therapists who say that some people "do not want to change" or "do not want to get well". I see it as a way of blaming someone for something that the T does not understand, rather than admitting that lack of understanding of what is going on.
Generally, I am talking about people who wouldn't step foot in a therapists office to begin with, who refuse to admit they have a problem in the first place.
Thanks for this!
pachyderm
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