I am failing at therapy...

((((MUE))))I so know this place. Its really overwhelming. NOt really knowing what your running from and then feeling like its so much that there isnt anything to focus on.

You know what has helped me. Just acknowledging to T that this is where I am at, even saying to him exactly what you wrote here and then see what comes up as a first place to start while you are talking. Whatever is pushing at you the most will probably be what you work on first. That way maybe you can make some headway into the confusion.

I feel like that a lot. I find that for me the confusion sometimes is a good way to avoid working on anything, you know? If Im confused I dont have to delve into specific things, especially traumatic memories. I am sort of there right now when I talk about my memories of the spring. Its so much easier to focus on my confusion about the trigger than what is behind it.

Heres a billion hugs for you

Thanks, Blue. I did talk to T about this...the tornado...and how I'm afraid that if I allow myself to feel, then I will feel A LOT and am afraid of what will come out. I also told him that I have so many thoughts going through my mind and they're all TOO MUCH and that I can't seem to focus on one thing...so I'd rather not focus on anything at all.

T tried to get me to see that the migraines, the anxiety and the depression are my body's way of telling me that I can't hold onto these feelings anymore and that I need to let them out.

He tried to get me to focus on one thing...But I kept coming up blank. Just the tornado....

Can you think on this more and figure out why you couldn't focus on one thing? What would have helped you relax enough to focus? Is it T's presence that makes it hard? Like you can't let down your guard in his presence?

Man MUE, you are my doppelganger! Well psychologically anyway

I was just telling T last week about these dreams I had been having, where I am just SOBBING in them. I don't remember why, but just that I am. And that when in T, I sit with these gross feelings, how I go off in la-la land, feel like my body weighs a million pounds, get headaches...she said that is my body's way of fighting hte battle between letting it out. When I don't, I feel that way.

THe mind-body connection is AMAZING isnt it?