keep me safe here

deliquesce · Mar 25, 2010 at 04:57 AM

sometimes i dissociate on purpose by locking myself up on the internet. that way whatever happens where i "really" am doesn't matter because i'm in a place where no one can reach me.

i went to uni today and i think i forgot to close the balcony door to the apartment. i got home and my washing was inside & the balcony was locked, so i think my housemate must've brought it in.

i sent her a message an hour ago asking if i did but she hasn't replied.

i'm really scared about what will happen if she comes back tonight.

one part of me suspects nothing really bad will happen, but because i don't know what that possibility will look like i only have past experience to fall back on.

so i'm locking myself up here because this part of PC is safe for me. i thought about asking for help from pdoc or austin-t, but pdoc probably wont even check his phone, and i dont want to disturb austin-t either.

darkrunner · Mar 25, 2010 at 05:06 AM

(((((((((((Deli))))))))))))))
I'm not sure I understand - do you think your roommate will be angry with you for leaving the door open?
We all make mistakes. I left the backdoor to my house unlocked for an entire night on Sunday.

It is scary, but despite what is on the news, it isn't that common for bad things to happen to people.
It just seems that way because that is all that is on tv / radio.

I'm glad you feel safe here.

I will be here for a little bit and can sit with you.
I don't think you would be disturbing Austin-T.
He cares for you and I'm sure he would want to help reassure you and be there for you.
Pdoc too. Maybe give it a try?

Mar 25, 2010 at 05:20 AM

((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))

Good for you for reaching out

Could you text pdoc or austin-t and just say "I'm scared"? They would want to help you.

I'm so sorry you're scared. Ugh, that is a terrible feeling. Try to remember that it's fear that doesn't belong to "now", and that just because you're scared, it doesn't mean that you're not safe.

to you, dear deli.

deliquesce · Mar 25, 2010 at 05:44 AM

i am scared because i dont know what to expect, and the only things i can think of are bad things. i think i would be surprised if was physically angry, but maybe she will just do silent treatment instead?

i keep trying to think of other possibilities, but silent treatment is the least bad i can come up with. i dont know what you do to someone who's been bad.

but locking myself up here is good because it meant i could go have some dinner because i knew i was safe. austin t wants me to stop dissociating but right now im not very sure what else to do.

pdoc gave me some ativan to take if things got too much. all of this is really difficult. im not thinking very clearly

mixedup_emotions · Mar 25, 2010 at 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i am scared because i dont know what to expect, and the only things i can think of are bad things. i think i would be surprised if was physically angry, but maybe she will just do silent treatment instead?

i keep trying to think of other possibilities, but silent treatment is the least bad i can come up with. i dont know what you do to someone who's been bad.

but locking myself up here is good because it meant i could go have some dinner because i knew i was safe. austin t wants me to stop dissociating but right now im not very sure what else to do.

pdoc gave me some ativan to take if things got too much. all of this is really difficult. im not thinking very clearly

(((( deli ))))

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. What would lead you to believe that your roommate would get angry or give you the silent treatment? Has your roommate reacted that way in the past about similar things?

And your fear of this stems from?

These are some important things to address in T, because how we react to situations are very telling and could help bring some understanding to why you feel the way you do.

In the meantime, keep reaching out.....Keep yourself busy....do something for YOU...And call T if you need to.

pachyderm · Mar 25, 2010 at 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i am scared because i dont know what to expect, and the only things i can think of are bad things. i think i would be surprised if was physically angry, but maybe she will just do silent treatment instead?

i keep trying to think of other possibilities, but silent treatment is the least bad i can come up with. i dont know what you do to someone who's been bad.

Could you think, at least in your own private mind, what you would do if she did give you the silent treatment? You don't have to act on it, but you could think about how you might deal with it? I mean, plot some mean trick. Not be mean, just think a little mean? At least for a time?

perpetuallysad · Mar 25, 2010 at 06:52 AM

Maybe she was just being helpful and brought the laundry in before she left? Do you usually have problems with her being mad at you? Do you live in a really unsafe area?

WePow · Mar 25, 2010 at 07:27 AM

((((( deli )))) I was in a situation with a roomy who would do the silent treatment. UGGGGS!!! I still get highly triggered if I think somoene is doing the silent treatment to me. Sometimes the only way I could stay safe when I could not escape my old roomy was to just not be there mentally. I do not know how to not dissociate when I need to.

Mar 25, 2010 at 08:10 AM

From my experiences with roommates, I suspect she was just being helpful. I doubt that she's angry. Even if she's a little miffed that you left the door unlocked, no big deal. Just apologize for having a brain fart and move on. There is no reason for this to be a big deal.

imapatient · Mar 25, 2010 at 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i went to uni today and i think i forgot to close the balcony door to the apartment.....

You wrote "I think..." So is it possible that you did close it?

I don't know anything about your friend, but I can't imagine it being a big deal. You're in a process of getting to know each other much better than before, so I can understand your apprehension as you perceive a potential fallout, but this will just be a learning experiene, I think.

Mar 25, 2010 at 03:27 PM

if she were mad at you i doubt she would have brought your laundry inside. she'd have thrown it off the balcony.

i am kidding there deli. you forgot to close a door. it happens. i'm sure she's fine. maybe it is helpful to not go by your past experiences but to use the good old rational brain instead. if she left the door open how would you feel? chances are that is how she feels or something similar. do not use your past experiences as a guide deli. i think that will cause you much fear and doubt if you do. it's better to go by what you would do or what you think most people would do.

jexa · Mar 25, 2010 at 05:32 PM

((((((deli))))))) You are safe.

Mar 25, 2010 at 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i went to uni today and i think i forgot to close the balcony door to the apartment.

Something similar happened in my student house a few yrs back. We all left to go home for our 2wk easter break and the last one out left the door unlocked ie turn the handle and walk right in! :s When I got back I was a bit miffed at the prospect of a burglary, but luckily everything was as we left it.
I knew who it was so I had a quiet word, along the lines of "when you left, you forgot to lock the door. We were lucky this time, but try not to do it again". And that was the end of it.

IMO the silent treatment is not a mature way for your roommate to deal with this situation. We all make mistakes. I'm sure her reaction won't be as bad as you fear. I frequently find that the fear is WAY worse than the reality ever is

*Willow*

googley · Mar 25, 2010 at 08:42 PM

(((((((((Deli)))))))))
I also don't think your roommate is going to be as angry as you think.

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Anonymous29412 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 25, 2010 at 05:20 AM #3 ((((((((((((Deli))))))))))))) Good for you for reaching out Could you text pdoc or austin-t and just say "I'm scared"? They would want to help you. I'm so sorry you're scared. Ugh, that is a terrible feeling. Try to remember that it's fear that doesn't belong to "now", and that just because you're scared, it doesn't mean that you're not safe. to you, dear deli.
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WePow Elder Member Since Oct 2006 Location: Everywhere and Nowhere Posts: 6,588 17 1,740 hugs given	Mar 25, 2010 at 07:27 AM #8 ((((( deli )))) I was in a situation with a roomy who would do the silent treatment. UGGGGS!!! I still get highly triggered if I think somoene is doing the silent treatment to me. Sometimes the only way I could stay safe when I could not escape my old roomy was to just not be there mentally. I do not know how to not dissociate when I need to.
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Anonymous32910 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 25, 2010 at 08:10 AM #9 From my experiences with roommates, I suspect she was just being helpful. I doubt that she's angry. Even if she's a little miffed that you left the door unlocked, no big deal. Just apologize for having a brain fart and move on. There is no reason for this to be a big deal.
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jexa Grand Poohbah Member Since Sep 2009 Posts: 1,660 14 4 hugs given	Mar 25, 2010 at 05:32 PM #12 ((((((deli))))))) You are safe. __________________ He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.
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googley Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2009 Posts: 7,516 15 486 hugs given	Mar 25, 2010 at 08:42 PM #14 (((((((((Deli))))))))) I also don't think your roommate is going to be as angry as you think.
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