[WePow]

Ok - you all know I adore my T and find he is a perfect fit for me.
But I was wondering if anyone else experienced actually feeling the T disconnect from you at the end of session?

T is always kind and walks me to the door and such. It is not unpleasant. And he makes sure I am safe. But at the very end of sessions I feel him disengage. It sounds strange, but it is like he flips off the light switch inside of him. It makes me want to leave before he does that - if I could figure out where that cut-off point is.

It may just be my emotional sensitivity due to the trauma and such. Or it may just be how he is in session. It might just be my own mind. It is odd because I watch him say "goodbye" to his other clients before me and it does not look like he has emotionally turned off the light. So is it all in my mind? Is it part of my projection?

[kate81]

Hm.

Maybe he does "emotionally turn off the light" with his other clients too, but you don't notice it because you didn't see what he was like with them 5 minutes before?

Or maybe you saw him with another person after a session that wasn't very emotional - maybe he feels the need to disconnect only after really intensely emotional sessions?

It kind of makes sense that if you are dealing with something really powerful, he will need to disengage at the end of your session if he has another client coming in - he needs to be ready to give them the same level of attention he gave you, and it wouldn't be fair to them if he was still wrapped up in your problems at the beginning of their session, just like it wouldn't be fair to you if he was still wrapped up in the previous client's problems at the beginning of your session.

I don't know - those are just my speculations.

[deliquesce]

if he isn't switching off with his other patients, then maybe it is a part of your projection, because i doubt he would be doing it with only you .

for what it's worth, however, pdoc walks me down the corridoor and back into reception. this is nice because it gives us a chance to go from heavy stuff to "look at the tinsel on the wall" stuff and it's a nice transition back into the real world. but as soon as he says goodbye his eye-lights turn off and he becomes robotic as he wanders off.

the other thing he does is he slams the phone down at the end of a call. it's so weird; he'll be calling to check in with me and things will be wonderful, and we'll say goodbye (and i'll be feeling all warm & fuzzy) and then there's this massive slamming down of the phone pretty much immediately after 'goodbye'. it's disconcerting but i've noticed he does it to everyone.

I've noticed a subtle shift at the end of our sessions too...I never really considered it before, but she could be disengaging. I've always thought she was just trying to help me transition out of session and back to my day.

But I notice it more in whether or not she hugs me...sometimes she seems hesitant to hug me (maybe she wants me to initiate?). Other times, she moves toward me to initiate a hug.

I wonder what your T would say if you asked about this?

[ECHOES]

WePow, thanks for this. The shift at the end of the session is something I have come to accept as part of therapy, but comparing how T is with me to how she is with others as she walks them out really is bothering me at this time. So many times they come out laughing and talking animatedly, and it is not like that at all for me. Once recently, after I said at the beginning of the session that I wished I was more lively and open and spontaneous, she seemed to turn on or turn up those things in her, as if to see how I would react, as if to raise the bar or something. It was so obvious and unnerving, so weird.

[looking4polaris]

Maybe I'm way off target here, but if it's something you're feeling every time...and it's something you don't see in him when he's ending with other patients, maybe this is a feeling that's coming from you and not something that's originating with T. I know you're describing it as T disengaging and certainly you must be sensing it as that. However, have you considered that it might not be T that is turning the switch off at the end of the session? Or maybe you are flipping the switch for him?

Like I said, I could be way off target with that. It's just that I've noticed that when I get really sensitive to something that I perceive as another person's reaction, it usually comes back to being my own problem.

Best of luck resolving this feeling.

[WePow]

Thanks all for the AWESOME insights! A lot to think about!