[WePow]

It feels like I am about at the end of the trauma work.
The only thing I still have not faced is the pain caused to me by my father. I want to address my father, but will never do it IRL as I have already tried but he makes excuses and such.

I was thinking about my next session Monday with T. Sometimes he has me talk to an empty chair or sit in the other chair and talk to the me in my normal chair. I want to visualize my dad sitting in the chair T and I never use and I want to tell him my mind. I tried to do this on my own but nothing happened and it just felt stupid. I think I need T to hear me say things to my dad. But I am very afraid inside of doing this.

I was wondering if anyone has addressed their abuser in session this way?
Did it help you or make matters worse? Any suggestions?

[NuckingFutz]

I have. I had to do it in stages as there was a lot of abuse. It kept bringing new memories up. Also my brother is constantly behind his video camera. It's amazing how much disfunction this little camera has recorded.

T has kind of confronted my abuser in front of me. He will talk at a picture I drew, or he will say "if he were here I would tell him..." and he is VERY clear and firm and talks to him in the second person. He is angry at him and says angry things to him, but it's not scary to me, because I feel safe and protected. I think he is trying to show me how I can think of him/talk to him. It feels really healing to my younger parts...because FINALLY here is a grown up telling this guy to GO AWAY.

Sometimes he will tell me what to tell him ("Go away, stop that, etc."). And it's super hard, but I try to do it. Just a few sessions ago, I started saying things to him on my own ("what's wrong with you, why can't you find someone your own age).

So, we do it in bits and pieces when it comes up in session. We've never planned it and we've never tried the "empty chair".

I will say this though...when I think of something that I want to try (like you just did) T ALWAYS tries it with me. Always. He trusts that I know what I need to heal. And so do you, my friend.

[jexa]

I've never done this but I've heard of it used before. It sounds healing if you can get over the "silly" feelings (that would be my problem with it too). ((((WePow))))

I've never done that, but my husband has and said it was really helpful (he was dealing with an overbearing, micromanaging boss of his in therapy, so not as emotional/heated as a parent-child interaction)

I think I might be too scared to try it. But I totally agree with Tree that you know what you need to heal, and it could be a really brave exercise for you that gives you some relief.

[Melbadaze]

thats gastalt therapy isn't it? I had a therapist ask me to try it once, but I couldn't or wouldn't.

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

thats gastalt therapy isn't it? I had a therapist ask me to try it once, but I couldn't or wouldn't.

Yes, my t threatened to make me do it last week. He knows how uncomfortable it would be for me. He called it a gestalt technique. I abhor anything close to role playing.

[jexa]

Me too FG. I feel really uncomfortable and silly roleplaying. I am not a roleplaying person..

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Yes, my t threatened to make me do it last week. He knows how uncomfortable it would be for me. He called it a gestalt technique. I abhor anything close to role playing.

I hate role play too, hate fancy dress parties also. I wonder if its when someone had to hide who they really were at an important time and now can find no fun in any kind of "false self"? Bad actors make me cringe also. Bad actors engage in gastalt is twice as bad LOL!

I don't mind acting. I've done a bit of that in my earlier days. But the whole idea of pretending about a real situation in my life gives me the creeps. I'd rather have teeth pulled without anesthesia.

[WePow]

I am not sure I could do it anyway - but would like to tell my dad what I think of him without having to destroy his sense of self in real life. Thanks for the feedback.

You may be able to do it just fine. You'll never know until you try. We didn't mean to discourage you; I hope we didn't.

[Melbadaze]

sorry wpower, I wasn't dissing gastalt, just my fear of it.

[WePow]

No - you did not discourage me. I do tend to be able to role-play alot anyway in my mind because I try to see things from a million points of view. I am very glad my sessions are not recorded though because I am certain my acting stinks! LOL !!!
I had another major piece of blocked information come forward last night and even had to call T this time - I rarely use the phone but I had to hear him and not just vent in email because the night before was hard for me and this new info had me ready to SI right then and there. He was so kind - just doing his laundry - and he reminded me it would be ok. It helped me to not think about what I had blocked out because I was thinking how T was a human and doing his laundry with his family. That was very cool :-)

So today I NEED to share what I had blocked rather than doing my dad work. And this is not going to be easy since I think it was the deepest trauma. Finally do think I am at the very bottom of the trauma tank. Yippie !!

Originally Posted by WePow

So today I NEED to share what I had blocked rather than doing my dad work. And this is not going to be easy since I think it was the deepest trauma. Finally do think I am at the very bottom of the trauma tank. Yippie !!

My t once said he had a vision of me hanging over a dark pit. He couldn't see the bottom, but he had a feeling that I wasn't really that far from the bottom. Turns out I wasn't. It was a relief to hit that floor and feel my feet under me again. Good for you.

[purple_fins]

On the "role playing" thing-- or telling an abuser how you feel or what they did to you....

I've been asked to try that-- and I couldn't do it.

I think it's because- I know in my heart that the abusers(the ones for me) think they didn't do anything wrong and if I spoke it would just be more invalidation....
I much rather have chosen to validate myself and have others support me that understand the wrongs and care about me.

not sure if I'm expressing myself the way I mean..... lets' see-- it's like pretending they(the abusers) are compassionate and WILL listen.... I just can't even entertain that idea at all..... it takes so much for me to even reach out that to be ignored/invalidated would be too much...... feel I can't risk that I guess.

anyway-- I hope when the time comes for you-- you do what you feel is best for you at that time.

Also-- It's so great that your T. was there for you yesterday. I'm glad he was able to help support you and keep you safe.

Good luck today.

fins