[chancy512]

Has anyone ever had dreams that their T. fired them as a patient? I had one last night and it is the type of dream that is sticking with me all day.
I see T. on Monday's and I always feel lost the next day. I am wondering if my dreams have anything to do with my missing T. Has this ever happened to any of you?

[3velniai]

I have this kind of dreams from time to time, but for me it's usually before T appt. Sometimes I tell T about it, sometimes I don't. Sometimes we talk about what could it mean and sometimes we don't. I sometimes draw the dream or something from the dream. Or write about it. It depends. But this is something that you can bring up next time, it might lead to interesting things.

[ECHOES]

Our dreams are often 'safe' ways of dealing with things like anger, and we project like crazy in our dreams
I wonder if part of your missing T has a twinge of anger at T being away, leaving you...
and in your dream it is you firing her.

[chancy512]

Thank you! My T. is actually in town. I see her every Monday. She is the ONLY one I talk to about my problems. I just don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else.
When I leave her office ( which is a 2 min drive from my home) I always feel I have wasted her time, bugged her with annoying issues, so on and so on. Last week when I left I sat in my car and cried wishing I had another hour. Yesterday I left so mad at myself that I wasted an hour of precious T.time. One hour is just not enough right now. I know she would fit me in if I had the time, but I work from 4:30am until 6:30pm T-F. I would feel too badly if she stayed late to hear me whine.
Part of me just wants to quit all T, PCP, Dietician and pdoc and fight this battle on my own. But I know I could not to that. I would miss my T. so much, I don't think it would help. T is my lifeline when I need to express feelings and she is the only I open up too.
Wow this post is all over the place. I am just so confused. XOXO Be well.

[chancy512]

I hate myself so much tonight. I feel like I am falling back into a deep depression. I can't have this happen.

Originally Posted by chancy512

I hate myself so much tonight. I feel like I am falling back into a deep depression. I can't have this happen.

Be safe and take care of you sending safe hugs

[ECHOES]

chancy, please be kind to you
I don't know how long you've been seeing your therapist, but I can tell you that all of the things you wrote about wanting more time with her, feeling like you wasted the hour, feeling like a bother... are things I really really struggled with in my first year or so of therapy, as we settle in.

Try to just notice these thoughts and feelings without judging them or judging yourself for having them. I believe this is part of the process and many of us experience them.
T is your lifeline to your feelings. She is important in your life. You miss her very much and missing is a strong feeling that brings up all kinds of things. She is imortant to you, you want more of her, but right now when she is missing in your life, you're having thoughts of quitting. Something to be curious about. Be kind to you.

[Perna]

Oh, yes. Especially between seeing her (saw her 9 years, didn't see her 9 years, saw her again for 9 years). I dreamed about her every 6 months for 3-4 years and they were always separation dreams; where I couldn't get to an appointment (snow and we had to cancel, a big fear of mine every winter when we met :-) and another where we met in the middle of a road in the middle of nowhere and discussed that I would have to start seeing her again because I had "failed" therapy and couldn't make it on my own. She was very disappointed in me!