[elliemay]

About the offender thing. He doesn't have email, so I usually drop off letters and such right outside his door. As usual, with some thought, there ended up to be more to this than I had realized.

We will talk about this during my session on Wednesday. I will keep you posted.

[Perna]

Good first step.

[WePow]

That was brave of you! Good job!

[elliemay]

I think he and I can work through this. I feel like I've already done a lot of work. We'll see what thought and effort he puts into it as well. At the bare minimum, as a poster indicated, my T might think twice before he reveals that to other patients.

What I think has crystallized somewhat in my mind. Unless it ends up just being one giant cognitive distortion, then I'm pretty good.

Without a doubt it has been a tremendous opportunity to stretch myself into an area that really scared me - a lot. Yeah - that what I'm going to call it - an opportunity.
I had a dream last night that my T and I were standing in a flowing river and the water was so clear and beautiful as it flowed over us. I think that indicates some peace in my mind at least - somehow freeing both of us from something "dirty" in my mind.

He loves my dreams and I'm sure will have a field day with that one.

[fieldofdreams]

I wonder, Elliemay, if the solution lies in encouraging T's not to give a simple "yes or no" answer to a question that, except for extreme cases, doesn't lend itself to a simple answer due to its complexity. Perhaps it's a question that requires more of a discussion about the human inability to guarantee 100% safety due to some of the reasons that were discussed in the other thread, and about the fact that abuse and its effects exist on a continuum that in many cases makes it impossible to draw a clear distinction between survivors and abusers.
We all tend to feel more comfortable with simple "yes or no" answers but since a healthy response to life circumstances requires the ability to recognize and deal with gray areas, and good therapy requires us to think abstractly and in depth, maybe this is a question that T's should be better prepared to answer themselves. That way they can discuss it in more detail when a patient asks.

[elliemay]

I swear though, I think sometimes I absolutely discombobulate my therapist.

We did talk about my feelings on the certain people he treats and came to a very positive resolution on that. That's all I want to say, or have said on that please.

As I predicted, he was most interested in my dream. That man can be a classic Freudian sometimes. But, to be honest, I can be so closed down that my dreams may be the best insight into what lurks in this head of mine - for both of us.

Water is usually a very negative aspect in my dreams. I'm drowning, there is a tidal wave, the water is dirty, a dam is about to break - you know nothing good.

However, the presence of the river as a good aspect could represent a sea change (pardon the pun) in my way of feeling about things, especially in relation to him. In fact, it was so positive that I ended up rather fawning over him. There was such a release of positive feeling.

I likely will get the "transference/boundary lecture" next session, however. Not to worry, we've had this lecture so many times, I actually have signs (visual aids do help) indicating that "I get it". I wonder if it might be his issue rather than mine.

Hmmmm.... Maybe I will make a sign indicating that....

[WePow]

(((((((( elliemay ))))))))) from all the dream work I have done, I have learned that often Water = Emotions. Because the water was clear, I think it represents a pure state of emotional health that you and your T now share. That is a very beautiful dream indeed!

[Melbadaze]

wpow, yes water normally represents emotions for me also.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by elliemay

But, to be honest, I can be so closed down that my dreams may be the best insight into what lurks in this head of mine - for both of us.

It was this way for me to in at least the first year of therapy. We did a lot of dream work because it often was the easiest way "in". I think dreams can be very powerful and helpful in one's waking life. We can have experiences in our dreams that can provoke/inspire us to change or give that long-searched for insight. I think your dream of being in the beautiful water of the flowing river sounded very positive. There seemed a purity about it--like you and your T are in a close and pure relationship

I likely will get the "transference/boundary lecture" next session, however. Not to worry, we've had this lecture so many times, I actually have signs (visual aids do help) indicating that "I get it". I wonder if it might be his issue rather than mine.

I wonder too. What was it about your being worried about his treating offenders or about having the very positive water dream do you think he will see as meaning he needs to talk to you about transference and boundaries? You surely cannot help if he put in an appearance in your dream. I would not call this a boundary crossing!

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by sunrise

It was this way for me to in at least the first year of therapy. We did a lot of dream work because it often was the easiest way "in". I think dreams can be very powerful and helpful in one's waking life. We can have experiences in our dreams that can provoke/inspire us to change or give that long-searched for insight. I think your dream of being in the beautiful water of the flowing river sounded very positive. There seemed a purity about it--like you and your T are in a close and pure relationship

I wonder too. What was it about your being worried about his treating offenders or about having the very positive water dream do you think he will see as meaning he needs to talk to you about transference and boundaries? You surely cannot help if he put in an appearance in your dream. I would not call this a boundary crossing!

My T and I certainly have gotten a lot of mileage out of my dreams.

It's not necessarily the positive dream, but my positive reaction to it that will likely elicit the transference/boundary lecture. It's not as bad as I make it sound but it is predictable as clockwork.

I think he worries, after all this time, that I will just lose it over him. Or maybe he thinks I will develop some sort of negative abreaction to something. He must want to pull us/him/me back to into the therapeutic frame if he worries that it's broken. I actually don't know his thinking on this at all actually.

I wasn't kidding that one day I brought in signs to reinforce the fact that I understand and respect the frame. I know who he is, what he is, and why I'm in therapy. He doesn't have to remind me after all this time, but I'm sure he will.

I really do think this is his issue. I know it's not mine. We'll talk about it if we have to I'm sure.

[WePow]

I challenge you to ask him if it is his issue and say just what you did here :-)

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by WePow

I challenge you to ask him if it is his issue and say just what you did here :-)

There is some comfort is predictablility. I have decided to bring it up in the session even if he doesn't (which is highly unlikely IMO).

Something along the lines of "I thought for sure I would get the transference lecture - last session was definitely the kind of session that would elicit that response from you".

We'll see where it goes from there.