Me dad.

T said that for the first time yesterday she was very aware of my adoptive dad being in the room with us and not just my adoptive mother, this came about because of the way I was relating to T, T says my relationship with my adoptive father was important to me because it was that that kept me sane. This came about because I wasn't sure how I was relating to T was real or a defence, plenty of humour but T said I think that is the way you and your dad related to each other and its actually positive that you bought both parts of you session because it shows your trying to relate to me (T) more intimately, using your relationship with your father to do that.

This is interesting because I've always felt fake somehow when I get lighthearted but to see it differently, in a more positive light gives food for thought and also I and T are much more aware of the opposing forces within me, I can feel my parts getting drawn inward toward each other, its confusing though, especially when one has spent their entire life keeping parts from each other, at first it doesn't feel real, because thats the way Ive survived to tell myself my pain isnt real, or this isn't real, but to know that all parts of me are deserving of respect as each other is a whole new concept for me.

MY adoptive dad died 13yrs ago and I've not truely mourned him yet, but with this yesterday I told T I feel this great saddness in my stomach thinking about him now.

How wonderful that T could point these things out to you but that you could also know them to be true now, too.