[elliemay]

Or was it me?

We had a significant problem over the past month and I was quite angry. In fact, when I woke up this morning I realized I was still mad.

However, I decided to go to therapy.

I went in, told him I was still angry, couldn't figure out exactly why, but that I came in with an open heart and an open mind. Maybe we could figure this out.

He wasn't defensive, he wasn't glib, he wasn't dismissive (all of which he can and has been in the past on occasion). We just talked and both listened to each other.

The core issue was that I was scared that he was going to refer me to another psychiatrist. I re-assured him that I was just on a diet. He reassured me that even if I wasn't that (1) he DID want to hear about it and (2) he wouldn't refer me out - period. Well, unless we both agreed that it was in my best interest AND he would continue to see me and work closely with the new doc.

He acknowledged that his statements about "not wanting to hear about it" were not helpful.

I said that there was absolutely no way he could have known that he was about to step into a mine field. What, on one day, might have been an innocuous turn of a phrase, might, on another and given a different circumstance, be totally inappropriate for me to hear. There is no way any human can predict it - unless I tell them.

I was amazed at how adult I felt.

We got to the bottom of it all and I feel as though a tumor has been excised from me. He feels better about it too.

It's so good to have him back.

It's good to have me back.

[Amazonmom]

Yeah! Good job.

[WePow]

W O W !!!! You did such a great job with this!!!! I am flat out amazed.

[looking4polaris]

That's terrific. I love reading about how you were able to work through this. I would have just clammed up and fumed about it. Nice job.

[Oceanwave]

Excellent, well done! I m glad things are better now in your relationship with him.

[elliemay]

It may end up that he still refers me out, although I am eating more. At least now we have a plan on how to manage it if it should come to that. I feel a lot better with that in place.

His vacation was unfortunately timed - that's all.

I found that sometimes when you just want to turn it all away, that's when you actually have to make yourself turn into it. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

I knew, deep in my heart, that the anger wasn't the issue, it was a symptom of something else. To me, therapy is about ferreting out that something else and trying not to let the therapist get in the way!

I target so much right at him, when, in fact, it's almost always a deeper issue that I have to deal with. It's like I have to put him aside for awhile. He's just there to help the best he can.

It's still nice to hear the words "I'm not going to get rid of you simply because you have a problem" Very very nice.