My *T* is out of town, so he is not here to support me.

Today, I was in a situation where I disclosed my CSA AGAIN. AGAIN. I didn't *have* to do it this time. But I was in a small group recently where a woman, crying and crying, disclosed what had happened to her as a child and as a teen...and her story and mine are really exactly the same. I hate feeling so alone with it. I keep begging T to start a group because I just want someone else to say "yeah, I get it" - and he IS thinking about it - but in the meantime, I feel so so so so so so lonely and alone with it.

SO. I thought maybe this woman feels that way. and I know how much it sucks to feel like that. And i wanted to help her. so I told her And i told her I know it sucks to be alone with it and that's why I was telling her. And she was so so so grateful and I think it was the right thing to do but I'm not sure BECAUSE T ISN'T HERE. HE IS NOT HERE.

After I talked to her, I think I left him a message. I had (still have) the super crappy and awful migraine headache that I get when I dissociate, so I think the whole thing made me just leave for a minute.

T had one day during this break when he could e-mail, and he said all of the right things, but I need HIM.

Omg - I just remembered that on the message I left him, I said that what I needed to hear is he loves me and I will be okay, and i told him that he should change his answering machine message to "you're reached T, leave a message and I'll call you back, and if this is tree, I love you and everything will be okay". LOL that's funny now.

Anyhow. ANYHOW. here i am. again.

[zooropa]

((((((((tree)))))))))
I'm sorry your T isn't here to support you when you need him. That is really, really hard. I think it is so great that you were willing and able to talk about the CSA with this woman, even despite your T being gone. I think there was probably a time not too long ago where the idea of disclosing in that situation would have been unthinkable to you. I know it's scary and you were obviously triggered and I'm SO sorry about that, and at the same time I think this is a wonderful sign of how much you have healed, how much you ARE healing.

I love you, tree, and everything really will be ok. I know it hurts that your T isn't here now but he is still out there, and he still loves and believes in you. You will see him on Thursday, the day after tomorrow. You can get through this, tree. You are amazing.

[WePow]

(((((( Tree )))))) I love your honesty. You are so special of a person. I really hope you can one day see that. I know for a fact your T loves you. I hope you can feel that - you know he wants you to feel it.

[sunrise]

((((((treehouse)))))

Originally Posted by treehouse

i told him that he should change his answering machine message to "you're reached T, leave a message and I'll call you back, and if this is tree, I love you and everything will be okay". LOL that's funny now.

That is very funny! They need to have a gizmo that will sense the incoming phone number of the call, and insert the appropriate client's name in the recorded message. Then every client will feel special and loved.

[googley]

(((((((((((((Tree)))))))))))



I wish T was here to support you. But I know that he would be supportive if he was. You are okay. Everything will be okay.

[BlackCanary]

I did a group in the fall of 2009; it really did help me so much to know I'm not alone with my story. You were brave to share it, and help another woman.
You are wonderful to have done it; I am proud of you. Your T will be so proud!

[darkrunner]

Treehouse
I'm touched by the compassion and caring you gave to this person.
You are a truly a beautiful soul.
It WAS the right thing to do, because it is always the right thing to try to do something to help another human being. I'm sorry it has caused you so much pain. Please take good care of yourself, and do something that is caring and compassionate for YOU. I hope your T calls you soon.

[chaotic13]

Tree,
I haven't told anyone else about my CSA except my T and even that has been kind of vague in places. I sometime wonder if I were in a situation like you were where someone was really upset and took a risk to tell me about their abuse, whether I would also share my story. From what you wrote it sounds like in sharing your story you really helped her. (((Treehouse)))

[jexa]

tree, how are you doing? Are you ok?

[MissCharlotte]

((Tree))

You are a brave and kind woman!

[rainbow8]

Hi, tree. How are you doing?

[Amazonmom]

You are very brave Tree! You did that woman a lot of good sharing your story. I am proud of you!



I know it was hard, but I am sure your T will help you soon and we will always listen here at PC.

Hi you guys...

I'm still here. Busy and quiet. Feeling kind of walled off, I think. A LOT of self-disclosure in a short time.

But. I see T this morning - FINALLY. I left him a message last night and told him I'm starting to think he's just a figment of my imagination.

Finally, finally.

[WikidPissah]

disclosure.... *shudders*....you are so very brave!