[mixedup_emotions]

It did not go as I expected.....but apparently a lot was accomplished...

Talked about some very difficult things. I started with how I felt as though I couldn't talk to him about what was bothering me because of his single-minded answer of honesty.

He changed his approach at that point, starting with being honest with myself....

A lot came out....feelings of anger, sadness and just feeling sick....and the sadness was overwhelming....It went from me talking about my situation with my ex-husband, the incident with my neighbor....to my anger towards one of my abusers...and ultimately to my sadness about my parents and how I was treated in my childhood....how can it be ok to beat your child day after day....

I spent a lot of the session in tears....T said that we are going to take me from surviving to thriving....I asked him, "How do I do that?"....He said, "You're on your way."

Tough session today...a lot of feelings just came pouring out....I don't know where it will lead....but I am not alone in it. I mentioned earlier in the session - how do I take a step forward when I feel as though I am on a ledge? He said, perhaps knowing that you're not alone on the ledge.



Stepping forward....

[jexa]

Wow, MUE!! This is soooo great!!!!!! I am so happy for you.

[geez]

(((MUE))) That sounds like it was a difficult but great session you had. I too am working on "thriving". It can be a difficult journey as I find myself getting pulled down by old feelings and experiences but I'm working on changing that. One moment at a time - one day at at time.

[zooropa]

how do I take a step forward when I feel as though I am on a ledge? He said, perhaps knowing that you're not alone on the ledge.

this reminds me of something I heard in a documentary I watched recently. This man was talking about feeling like he was on the edge of a cliff and to take a step forward would mean death. And he said, you just turn 180% and take a step...forward.

It really spoke to me, I don't know if it will to you, too, MUE. I just felt like, oh yeah! Maybe I have to keep taking steps forward, because that's what life is and I can't take a step backward even if I want to. But that doesn't mean I can't change my direction and let that step forward take me where ever I want to go.

[Sannah]

Wow, MUE, you did it, you really did it! Do you understand what made you feel safe enough to let your guard down with T?

[Perna]

I'm glad you were able to move forward some (albeit in tears :-) even with the conflict over the overall approach still there.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, everyone....

Today, I feel a bit distant from it all...I'm not sure why. I feel confused. And those automatic negative thoughts are playing with my mind....blech!

I am going to let myself take it easy though and not let it consume me...

Sannah - No, I'm not sure what made me feel safe enough to let my guard down with T....Perhaps I'm trying to put some trust into the relationship, have some faith that he will guide me through...and have some faith in myself that I can work through whatever happens...I just know that I can't keep going on feeling so miserable.

[sittingatwatersedge]

dear MUE........... you ARE on the way.......... today you are drained and tired, no surprise there. Try to rest and not worry about taking your "pulse" every hour or so (as I do sometimes). You did great