driven ?

... reading about the therapeutic process... it gets pretty convoluted and frustrating. I told T that piecing together what I see here and there, here seems to be the theory:

if I come early for my appointment, I'm obsessive-compulsive;
If I come late, I'm hostile.
If I pay right at end of session, I'm showing resentment at having to pay at all;
If I pay at beginning of session, I'm trying to be controlling.

In one book I'm reading the T said her client did or said this, and she said it was clearly due to transference. It struck me that human beings are very complex creatures; surely not EVERYTHING we do is unconsciously driven by transference or some other compuslion. Are we incapable of doing ANYTHING on our own?
Just to make up an example, if you have some cookies and bring T one, why does it have to have some deep meaning? Why can't it be that you are just sharing a cookie, as you would with a co worker or the person sitting next to you on the bus?! Hey even Freud said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

I guess I am feeling pretty trapped and overwhelmed by the whole therapy thing... Maybe this is an indication I should quit. ya think?

SAWE-
I totally understand what you mean about the transference thing. I hate that all actions are seen by some as transference. While this is the view of some, I know it is not the view of all Ts. I think you should discuss this with your T. Just because it is written in a book doesn't mean that your T subscribes to that model.

....but that's exactly what a transferential response to your T is: relating to your T as a co-worker or a person next to you on the bus

Thanks but I am not talking about transference.

Forget the example. The question was, human beings are very complex creatures; surely not EVERYTHING we do is unconsciously driven by transference or some other compuslion. Are we incapable of doing ANYTHING on our own?

Maybe you are reading too much SAWE? I think that most of our real work goes on when we bring our feelings to therapy. All the other stuff isn't as important IMO.

(((((SAWE))))))

Sorry you are feeling trapped and overwhelmed in therapy. Do you know what could have brought this on? What happened?

I guess that's one theory. I know my T wouldn't agree with this. So he must be reading a different book from you, SAWE. If you are wondering why you come late to an appointment one day, you may be able to find the answer by looking inside. I believe you can know if you are doing it because you are hostile (or scared or reluctant to confront your problems or perennially disorganized or whatever). Or you can know if you were late simply because traffic was horrendous that day and even the best laid plans do sometimes go astray. As you wrote, human beings are complex. There is going to be no one answer in therapy that fits everyone or that fits the same person every single day. For example, I always pay for my sessions at the beginning. Why? My T asked me on the very first day of therapy to pay at the beginning. I am respecting his wishes and the way he wants to establish the frame of therapy. There's nothing to do with being controlling. Also, he gave me the reason that he likes clients to pay at the beginning so that then we can end our session and work with that being the last thing on our mind, not yanked back into having to write a check. It seems like a good reason and has nothing to do with my being controlling. See what I mean? Everyone is different, both client and T, and we have unique reasons for doing what we do.

I absolutely agree with you that not everything we do is driven by some unconscious compulsion. I do believe we are capable of doing much on our own. I believe in free will.

I read a "therapy book" quite a while ago where each chapter was about a particular session that different therapists found memorable or noteworthy in some way. There were about 30 chapters and each represented a different theoretical approach. It was useful to me to read this because it helped clarify to me which approaches I aligned with personally (and which I found completely stupid!). And there were some approaches I really did find either misguided or actually felt some antipathy towards. My reactions told me a lot about myself. I don't think any person would read all 30 chapters and "agree" with them or imagine they might all be equally, personally useful in therapy. I guess I'm trying to say that whatever book you read saying people who are early to therapy are obsessive-compulsive (rather than just considerate and respectful of their T's schedule) isn't necessarily the truth for everyone, and it's OK that it not be the truth for everyone. We're complex, we're human.

I wouldn't necessarily conclude that from what you wrote.

That is the way it works for me too, Sannah, although I understand not everyone may be that way. I have found some books I have read to be quite helpful, though, but I tend not to bring their content into therapy.

Thanks Sunny and everyone.
What I am bringing into therapy is the feeling of frustration, of being trapped (maybe overwhelmed is not a good word, it has a use among Ts and that usage is not what I meant). So fine, I will take those feelings there.

I just sense among the T community - at least that part of it that puts pen to paper - that clients are not really given credit for thinking, only of being driven. I am aware that I'm often driven (that's why I am in therapy after all) but I protest that there is more than that to me.

appreciate your comments. SAWE

actually, I think this is the exact wrong time to quit. For me, those times when I feel overwhelmed are sometimes when I am on the brink of a breakthrough of some kind. Change is hard, and moving from one stage of recovery to the next can be painful.

That said, I have at times felt so scrutinized, so ANALYZED, that I freeze up. When I read what you posted about the "meaning" behind being late/early for appts, etc it reminded me of that feeling. When I think too much about how every action, every word, every expression being deconstructed for it's TRUE meaning in the mind of my T, it makes me freeze like a deer in the headlights.

wow Zoo you really reeeeeeeealllllllly get it. Thanks so much. (for you, since you are in same boat!)

Come with me tomorrow would you?

This was my first thought. Back off the therapy books for awhile. They'll just convolude your thinking and make you second guess everything you do. Can't be a good thing.

Actually, what you are describing here SAWE is very dehumanizing. To be looked at like that is dehumanizing. I wouldn't like it either but when you read this stuff it isn't about you but you are applying it to yourself. It is like the psychology student who thinks that he have every disorder or the medical student who thinks that she has every illness. Keep it personal by going to therapy where it is about you.

I still like to read psychology and therapy books, but i've had to cut back just for the reason you are talking about. I read things that other therapists have said and then get upset, thinking that my t must feel that way also. I found that reading too much about therapy just added things to my worry list. Also, it kept my therapy in my head, as an intellectual process -- the more i tried to understand it mentally, the easier it was for me to skip the emotional work in my sessions. It was a form of control for me. Reading about it made me feel like i was in control of what was going to happen in my sessions -- i'd be all prepared for it -- but that prevented me from being able to relax and let the process unfold naturally.

Peaches this is a real danger for me, thanks for the reminder.