[AmaShel567]

I haven't been seeing my T for very long but it seems that every time that I go I can't think of anything important to talk about. I have a list of goals that I want to achieve in therapy but I don't know what to say or how to ask the right questions to get on the right topic. I'm thinking I just don't know how to deal with people well and thats the problem I'm having but I don't know. Does anyone have any idea how I can get on the topics I want without sounding like I don't even know what I'm talking about myself? There are things that make me uncomfrontable so I won't bring them out right so I need to find a way to bring up the topics I need to talk about and stay on topic.

[Perna]

Instead of just a list of goals, break down the goals into "questions to ask T" or something?

"I don't know how to deal with people well" is vague, if that's one of your goals. Think of some action you can measure for goals. I'd either think of situations ("I don't speak up when someone cuts in front of me in line") to work on or, what would be easier for me I'd set a goal of something like "Start a conversation with 5 strangers today/this week" and then do shopping, library, go somewhere and ask for information/call on the phone for information, etc.

A beginning discussion question with your T might be, "I have this list of goals (hand her a copy?) but don't know how to talk to you, what to ask or how to open a discussion to start work on any of them. Have you any suggestions?"

Most goals and behavior is specific and, like anything else we need to learn, it requires practice to become good at it. If you have difficulty talking to people it's probably because you don't do very much of it. If you feel uncomfortable, not very self confident, join your local toast masters group or some other (I became an officer in my "Friends of the Library" group) and get in there "practicing". You can't learn to do something in "theory" or by talking about it. You have to do it.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by AmaShel567

Does anyone have any idea how I can get on the topics I want without sounding like I don't even know what I'm talking about myself?

First, can you let go of the fear of not wanting to look like you don't know what you're talking about? Therapists don't expect us to be experts. It's OK to have questions but not know the answers. It's OK to not understand our feelings or thoughts or how to proceed to get from point A to point B.

I suggest asking your therapist for help with this. Sometimes I have a topic I have a hard time discussing or sticking with. I have said to my T before, "I am having a hard time bringing up a topic I want to discuss and need your help on talking about it. Can you please remind me next time to start with this?" At the next session, he then helps me bring up that topic, even though he may not even know what the topic is. When he brings it up, I have definitely felt "cornered", but at least I don't waste the whole session trying to bring up something I never am able to.

It is great you have a list of goals, by the way. That is a great start. Good luck.