[musinglizzy]

Up until now, my T has been great at, if I'm in a fog, getting me going on some sort of topic/agenda for that session. I have taken the reins myself some, but lately I've just had so much on my plate I have no idea where to begin. So I had a session today. I had no idea what to talk about. I wished she'd just start. She told me how I need to come in with a certain focus/topic with my sessions. This is the first time she's said that. Like I said, my mind is all over the board right now..... and kinda feeling a little put on the spot. I just wanted to ask others....when you go into therapy (say there's several areas that need work, like most of us do), do you go in with a plan, or just wing it? For the most part, winging it has worked out ok...although there have been times I've started the topic....but I guess not enough.

[Salmon77]

I almost always go in with a plan, or at least a starting point. A couple times I've winged it but whether I'm prepared or not I'm supposed to start the conversation. He doesn't say anything until I do.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I used to always go in with a plan. I still do sometimes. But my T doesn't really want me to do that because I'm trying to control the situation and I need to learn how to adapt and speak freely. Luckily, somehow, almost everything important gets covered. She doesn't necessarily lead the conversation, but she does help initiate when I have difficulty.

[HazelGirl]

My T likes it when I don't have a specific plan, and we talk about whatever comes up. I also find those to be the most beneficial sessions.

[musial]

I have been getting better lately at going in with an open mind and less of a plan. I think that helps me feel whatever it is I'm feeling in the moment with my T, which is the point of my kind of therapy (psychodynamic/analytic).

[ThisWayOut]

Someone's I have things planned out, other times it's just winging it. I think my t would appreciate me having a bit more direction, though there are sessions (like today) where she had a plan and we went with that.

[Freewilled]

I've tried an agenda and I have winged it quite often....it doesn't seem to work for me either way lol

Sometimes the agenda is good because it keeps me more focused and I sense T might enjoy the break from trying to pin down just wth I'm trying to say.....BUT sometimes an agenda snuffs out all my feelings and I get really intellectual and stoic. It is pointless when I'm like that, IMO.

Winging it is usually best for me and trying to stay as present as possible.

[nottrustin]

I usually don't have a plan. I may think of things that happened during the week that would be worth discussing. However the few times I have had a plan we usually have talked about other things and never got to my plan.

[musinglizzy]

I've gone both ways, and it just seems that going in without a plan brings better results for me. But then she says this is for ME, not her, and I should be bringing up what I want to talk about that day. Maybe she's just having a bad week....cuz this isn't like her.

[Soccer mom]

I usually have certain topics I want to cover but they don't take the entire time.

[Bill3]

I usually have certain topics I want to cover but they don't take the entire time.

Me too!

.

[always_wondering]

Sometimes I go in and I dont feel like I want to get deep, but the last time I went in, he basically told me to cut the crap and that we needed to get down to business and work. I really respect and trust my T for this. I do not see him for chit chat. Next time I will be fully prepared.

Therapists are so different. My T prefers it if I don't have an agenda beforehand (though he has never said that I have to come in without a plan) and he has explained why that is, and it makes sense to me. When I don't know what to say he generally just waits patiently. He seems to have a limitless store of patience.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I really trust my t with helping me figure out the direction to take in any given session, but she's also very happy for me to bring some sort of agenda. I like that she helps me figure out where to start and where to go when I'm unsure myself. The few times I have had things to discuss in session were really rewarding though - maybe because, for me, bringing things up (opening up) is a form of self disclosure, and her responses to them were validating. I think there can be benefits from both a prepared approach to session and a more relaxed approach. No harm in trying them both out at different times.

[sweepy62]

I always have a plan and topics planned out, I'm way OCD about this which is not good at times. She starts out with wanting to know how things have been since she last saw me, and sometimes I find that to be a waste, since right now my schedule has changed " temporarily " due to the clinics difficulties, I see her twice a month. Going over what happened in 2 weeks just takes time from my planned topics.

I want to just start, from what I want to discuss. She feels it's important to know what happened 2 weeks prior. I just say nothing. Unfortunately the word NOTHING has great meaning to them lol, and that opens up another can of worms.

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[PaulaS]

I´ve experinced exactly the same according to having or not having an agenda and to be in the position of expecting the T to start off on one or more topics. She has always done so lately but now prompted me to bring up the stuff I wanted to talk about and that put me in a startled position. I felt that she wasn´t that supportive and although I know subjects I want to talk about her suddenly expressing this demand made me feel uneasy.

I just spontaniously think that a proper question about how to act would be a way to work this out. That is, asking your T if he/she wants you to have a clear agenda and a set of questions ready before every session. If the answer is "no" I think it´s the T:s responsibility to guide the client through issues and questions that are important.

[Bill3]

My T prefers it if I don't have an agenda beforehand (though he has never said that I have to come in without a plan) and he has explained why that is, and it makes sense to me.

Would you be willing to share his explanation?

[BlessedRhiannon]

I nearly always go in with a list of things that I want to talk about. We may not always get to all of them, but we try and if necessary, pick them up in the next session.

When I was struggling with racing thoughts and not able to decide what to tackle first, I still knew what things I wanted to talk about, and I would just ask T to help me prioritize. I'd list out the things I wanted to talk about and she'd help me figure out order of importance.

There are times (like my last session) where I just really don't know what I want to work on and I'll tell T that and then she'll start asking me questions and we'll go from there.

T has been having me fill out a pre-session assessment form and one of the sections is goals for the therapy session. I tend to use that section to just list the topics I want to talk about. My sessions are not really goal focused and if they were, it would cause me anxiety, but it is useful to just list the topics on my mind so that T can see what I want to talk about.

Originally Posted by Bill3

Would you be willing to share his explanation?

I can try

It's partly to do with how my therapist always works, and partly to do with me, I think. Firstly, my T's general philosophy is that he wants to allow things to come up naturally and spontaneously in the therapy room. (That's why he is often silent and waits for me to speak, he very seldom takes the initiative to bring up a subject. It happens, but not often.) If I bring in things I have decided I want to talk about, I have pre-processed them and decided what is relevant and not, and that detracts from the spontaneity.

Secondly, I like to be in control. Not in all areas, but I do not like it when I control of my emotions, or when I don't know what to say next. That's something T wants to work on, I believe, and so he has a habit of asking questions or making comments that lead to slightly different areas than what we were talking about. I often play out conversations with T ahead of time and plan what to say and which phrases to use, and I think he is actively trying to get me away from that, because it leads to me censoring myself.

Sometimes I do tell him that I want to talk about something specific, something that has happened recently for instance, and that has never been a problem. But I have had very good unplanned sessions, as well as very good planned ones (and less good sessions of both kinds - though I think that when I plan what to say and then it doesn't go well, I tend to feel worse afterwards, compared to when I haven't planned anything and the session is a bit bland, which also happens.)

Wall of text, sorry - I hope this makes some kind of sense.

[stopdog]

I always have an agenda with the first one. The first one never had any plan or rhyme or reason to the appointments and it was awful - just floating around with no structure. I kept asking her about it and never received a satisfactory answer, the woman does not remember anything from week to week, and so I make her not talk and I simply use her to say things to that I do not tell other people.

The second one is much better at structure and connecting things from week to week so I go in less planned with the second one.

[AncientMelody]

I almost always go in with an agenda....I have therapy with my psychiatrist and only see her once per month rather than weekly, so I need to make the time count, especially since we need to touch base on meds at the same time, even if briefly. There are times that we've veered off the planned agenda though. I don't actually "Give" her the agenda per say, I jot down ideas where I want to go with the session, sometimes I paraphrase ahead of time, sometimes not.

For me I kind of like "leading" the session because my big focus is improving my self-acceptance, developing assertiveness etc. It is somehow helpful for me to have her as a guide but not a leader. I've only had one "bad" session where I just broke down at the end of the session and felt worse at the end rather than the beginning, but otherwise this has been very constructive.

[doyoutrustme]

I do both. I try to stick with things within my goals. If I free associate or or plan either way it's going to be awkward and quiet until I say something. (Which at times means talking about how on the spot I feel)

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I do not like it when I control of my emotions

Should have been "...when I lose control of my emotions", natch.

[Depletion]

I usually have a plan. Really my journaling kind of dictates the session. I tied to stop the journalling for a while. Well I just didn't give it to her, and it felt awful, I felt like I was hiding part of myself with her. But I really hate how much control I end up having when we stick to the journals. I really wind up directing the whole thing. I wish that she would challenge me a bit more, and push me around sometimes. Not having a plan might help with that, but I suspect she kind of likes the structure.

[tinyrabbit]

I used to go in with a plan, and I figured out together that it wasn't really helping me. For me personally, it was a way of avoiding having to really be in the moment - I used to be this waterfall of information and it functioned a bit like an addiction - that's my opinion, not my T's, he never really said anything about it other than observing that I had a need to be in control. I have learned that I can be more in the moment and I like it that way when it happens.