[sittingatwatersedge]

before T went away at beginning of the month, I got up my nerve and asked if she might leave me a message that I could listen to while she was gone. She left me one - but a few days earlier than I had hoped - and my cell deleted her message last week.

So I was sitting here feeling the hours very long until I can see her tomorrow, and and just thinking how nice it would be if she called and left me a message today, now that she's back.

She did. She is not feeling well and has cancelled tomorrow's appointment. I am pencilled in for an appt another whole week out.

[seventyeight]

((sawe)) silly question, but can she leave you another "vacation message" to get you through the next week? (one that has nothing to do with canceling appointments, of course.) she was willing to do it for something 'big,' so maybe she'd be willing to do it for something 'small,' like this. and considering she cancelled, it's kinda the least she could do, you know?

[darkrunner]

Oh no. I feel for you, Sitting.
I like seventyeight's idea - would that help?

[coconut64]

(((((((((SAWE))))))))))) at least she is back right?Can you schedule a phone session in the meantime, sometimes that helps. Don't hesitate to ask for another message if you need it, or simply call and ask her to call back and have a short conversation on the phone.

It's too bad she canceled, esp after her long absence. Hope you are doing ok.

[WikidPissah]

so sorry sawe...I know how you've been waiting for her to come back. I agree with the others, leave a message for her to call you when she has some time to touch base.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Thanks, all, I did call and leave a request for another message (something I never would have thought of, without your help).

[deliquesce]

sawe, i'm surprised & pleased as punch!

im sorry you have to wait another week, but im SO glad youve taken a risk & asked for something you would like - twice!! the SAWE i met 2 years ago would never have done that.

good work for capitalising on the opportunity .

[doogie]

Thank you, SAWE. I don't mean to take over your thread, but I just want you to know that because YOU took a risk to ask your T for what you need, I did, too. Because of vacations - mine and hers - I won't see her for 2 weeks. After seeing how strong and brave you were to ask for what you needed, I did too - and she agreed to leave a message on my cell. Thank you. I'm sorry that you have an additional week until you see your T. I know that stinks, but thank you for being strong - you helped ME.

Doogie

[sittingatwatersedge]

Doogie you are sweet. Hope it works out for you.

Deli, your note was very surprising. I don't think I will ever "get" what therapy is all about.
I don't feel brave or strong; I feel like a whiner, and a complainer. And am pushing away the realization that T is taking today off, not tomorrow off. Tomorrow she will be at a different location, where I am not on her calendar.
We didn't exactly have the greatest session last time ya know. Well maybe her vacation was good enough that she has forgotten all about that (yeh right).

Going out now to buy some false fingernails, might as well eat them right out of the box lol. should take about a week to get through them.

[sittingatwatersedge]

not that I'm counting or anything, but we are almost 48 hrs from when I made my supposedly brave, strong request, and not a peep out of T.

With every passing hour I remember her concerned face during my last tirade; how she said it seemed as if I was about to give up on her (and on myself). Admitting to myself the secret of how attractive seems the idea of just quitting here.

Not done - and knowing it - but looking at it anyway.
No more guilt for unjust, raging outbursts against someone who really intends me good.
No more counting down the time before my hour starts and fighting tears, stomach knots, sweaty palms, shaky hands...
No more dredging up memories. I could live in blissful denial like my sister, comfortably avoiding my way through the rest of my life as she has chosen to do.

.........Call me T, I need a lighthouse in this dark place.

[zooropa]

aw crap, SAWE, that really sucks.

[WePow]

(((((((((((((((((SAWE ))))))))))))))))) At least you did ask for what you needed.
That is a very brave step to take! I was telling my T yesterday how the group of us here on PC were all trying to muster up courage to ask our Ts for what we do need.

[sittingatwatersedge]

T called me. She apparently has been really sick, she still sounds terrible but says that her temperature is now going down.
that was about it, except I will see you next week. And she said, I hope you had a great birthday and did something that's fun for YOU.

in fact I did - I requested Movie Night and we saw my favorite. It's "Finding Nemo" and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This mornig I was wondering why I like it so much. True, it's colorful and cute, and it's funny on adult and kid levels at the same time. But also, I realized last night that it tells the story of a father who loves his child so much he will risk absolutely everything to bring him home safe.
The story of my own father was oh so very different.

Well.... keep on swimming, I guess.....keep on swimming..........