Truth - The Ability to Accept Compassion

Today I had my extra special session with T. I think I spent most of the session just soaking in the amazing emotion of being there with "MY T" - (my eyes wide with amazement). I even asked my T why he went out of the way to see me today and my most sensitive and delicate alter, the one I call Silent One due to the years of pure silence even internally, that part of me said "It is because he cares." And T told me in words and more so in body language that it was true. He cares about me as a human in a way that is perfectly honorable and totally safe.

Do you know what it is like the very first time in a person's life when they are finally able to open up and trust a person in authority position without fear? The feeling is almost incomprehensible. It feels like I finally feel something that I should have been able to feel my entire life.

T told me to receive. That is another first for me. I am doing it. But now I see that in order to do that, something inside of me had to change. My T has been here for me since I have been seeing him - and he has gone the extra mile the entire time. So why was it that the event today was so dramatic for me? My T made an analogy of us putting in a new emotional thermostat. But the thing about it is, I had to be ready to take out the old one. I had to be able to have space inside to accept the gifts and compassion. Room to breathe.

Finally, I realized over dinner tonight that something else H U G E had occurred inside of me. My entire life was spent being told I was BAD. That I did not deserve to have love / compassion / kindness. That if anyone did give me those things, they wanted something from me. That I could never have any of those things just because I was ME. You guys can't see this behind words but I am bawling right now. Today I was able to have the special session gifted to me with kindness and I could accept being cared about in that healthy way - because for the first time in my entire life, I believed I deserved to be loved.

Thank you so much for sharing this...

Elana

You do deserve to be loved ((WePow)). and That's great that you believe it!

these moments are just amazing beyond words. silent one sounds wise and it is amazing you are open to the idea of him caring.

and the very first moments of feeling something that others take for granted are absolutely astounding. like they rock everything inside and bring such awareness of what could be.

thank you for sharing your amazing steps forward. i treasure hearing about them.

Wow! Thanks for sharing.........

(((((((((((((WePow)))))))))))))))))

Learning to receive love and caring has been on of my biggest challenges in therapy...but when I allow it, the feeling of fullness is beyond description.

I'm glad you let T give you those gifts today. They ARE deserved. You deserve them.

((((((((((((( All )))))))))))))) Thank you VERY much for confirming my emotion with me, and celebrating with me!

I shared the post with my T and he wrote back a simple phrase that started the tears up again :-) He told me I DO deserve to be loved! :-)

wepow you truely do deserve to be loved and im glad your T is able to help you see this.what a gift

WePow, thanks for sharing your very wonderful session.

I have had occurrences like this a few times in the last few years, and I attribute them to therapy, even if not always happening in therapy. It is amazing when they happen. I feeling I have is as if the gears, which have been spinning forever, finally slide into place "click", and everything changes inside. And it feels so good and right, like this is the way it is meant to be and supposed to be. I think they are peak moments. Hold onto the memory.

P.S. Did your T have paint on his clothes?

Wepow, my heart just loved your post. You deserve the world. Before I even read your post I was thinking back to last week when I had posted about my distress with my job. A couple of times you replied just to see how I was doing. I was so incredibly moved by this.
Embrase everything your T. said to you yesterday. Also know that I feel the same way towards you. You are a very special kind person with a heart so BIG.
Keep up the great work!

Cheers to getting what you deserve! Hope you continue to receive the love and honor coming your way.

LOL

Actually, no. He changed clothes before comming to his old office. I admit that I was a bit sad about that part I kinda wanted to see what he looked like when he was "off-guard" a bit. But he is always relaxed, so that is fine. He had a few other clients for that morning that he decided to slip in before he rushed off to paint. My mtg was at the end of the day, so he just changed back into his T clothes. But he was exhausted from painting and about half way through session he left me alone in his office as he needed to go to the fridge and get a drink of something to wake him up :-) He was all slouched down in his chair and I think about to go to sleep with me talking with him But I didn't mind at all. In fact, it was very awesome that he trusted me to be alone in his office for just that very little bit of time. It was like he actually DOES know how I am and he trusts me. That was beyond cool. Made up for him changing just to see me :-)

W

WePow, I just read your thread right now and I am thinking: Of course you deserve to be loved. You're a very special person and I feel privileged to know you. I'm very glad that you are starting to accept Ts caring and to feel that you deserve it. Thank you for sharing it with all of us here.

WePow, yes, you deserve to be loved and cared for and befriended - and all that by decent, sensible people who are not there looking to hurt and exploit you. You don't need to expect horrible things being done to you in return for "love" and "caring". I hope your T will help you regain your trust in the world. You are making excellent progress!

WePow, thank you so much for sharing your extra special session. It feels wonderful to read your words of feeling so good just being there, soaking that in, feeling it.

No, I sure don't.

It's what I am aiming for, though, and sometimes all efforts seem futile and the goal perfectly impossible; but WePow you have shown that it IS possible, and for that hope I thank you so much.

I am so glad you have had this experience!!!