[googley]

I was reading some of my old posts. I came across one of the things that I had been thinking about then and then again now. The issue is feeling safe in T. Feeling like I just want to stay there all curled up because I feel safe there. My T at the time said that the safety feeling wasn't attached to her or the room, but it was from inside me. I'm not sure about that. Someone said that maybe it could expand to other places too. What is that like? Is that how most people feel in their lives? Do most people feel safe when they are going around doing normal things. Or sitting at home in the evening. Do they have this feeling all the time? I want that feeling all the time. What do you think?

[jexa]

I think most people have a "safe spot" or two, a space they can curl up and just relax. If you feel that way only in T, maybe it is because you don't feel comfortable with yourself, and you need someone there who can validate you and say that you are okay. I think when you are healthy you find that cozy spot and you can be there all by yourself and feel safe. I don't think most healthy people people feel that "curl up and be safe" feeling in lots of places (it's a special feeling!), but I think when you are healthy DO have the "yeah, I feel okay" feeling in lots of places.

At least, I think. That's my impression that I seem to get from my friends who don't have problems with feeling safe. I don't feel safe anywhere either googley, so I can relate. I don't even really feel safe in T because I have such trouble letting go of the way my T perceives me.

I'm glad you've learned to feel safe in T, googley. I think the key is knowing that one day you'll be comfortable expanding that feeling to other places, and experimenting with it, but never trying to FORCE it, because that will only backfire. You will only feel safe with yourself when you are not beating yourself up...

[Dr.Muffin]

i think initially the safe feelings become attached to the therapist and to the room, but as you work on healing the safe feelings start to come from within. i think thats the goal of therapy.

no one is meant to feel safe everywhere (IMO), i think in therapy you learn discernment. trusting yourself to know when its safe and when its not, who is safe and who is not....when you have confidence in your discernment, the issue of safety sort of fades to the background. its no longer something that is provided for (or taken from) you...you control it.

i dont know if that makes any sense? its late!

[Sannah]

I've traveled the whole continuum. I didn't feel comfortable most places. When I was young I felt comfortable only out in nature by myself. Now I feel comfortable all the time unless something is happening that would be stressful for anyone. I can manage the stress now, however, in the moment, and recover later that day. I had to work on this. It can be done.

The way that I see it is that our nervous system develops according to the environment that we are exposed to. If you grow up with daily stress, this is how your nervous system will form. So what I did was expose it to the opposite. I worked in therapy on all of my past experiences that were stressful. Expressed those feelings and worked through the situations in my mind and heart and then was able to let them go. But I also needed to re-expose my nervous system to nice things to retrain/reform it. Also, when I got in stressful situations I had to work on dealing with it. Oh yeah, and I had to work on the triggers.

[granite1]

i find myself feeling safe in my T office more than anyother place but i dont thnk it is because of T sometimes it is like she isnt even thare but i do like sitting in her office especially on the floor .it is quiet and nice.i also feel safe and sood sometimes when hubby takes me for walks in the woods with running water.i love to sit next to running water .the sount is so sothing and quiets my head

Originally Posted by jexa

If you feel that way only in T, maybe it is because you don't feel comfortable with yourself, and you need someone there who can validate you and say that you are okay.

I think there is a lot of truth in this for me.

But....I did used to feel VERY unsafe - afraid - almost all of the time. At the store, driving in my car, going to groups, sitting at the movies, being at home...I truly felt like I was in danger.

As we've worked in therapy and my PTSD has gradually improved, that feeling of constant fear and hypervigilance has pretty much disappeared. For me, it took time, and a willingness to work through trauma stuff, and probably most importantly, the experience twice a week of true SAFETY sitting in t's office. I was literally never safe as a child, and didn't have any way of knowing what safety feels like. It turns out that as an adult, I'm almost ALWAYS safe, but I didn't have a way of recognizing it and understanding it until I experienced it in T's office.

When I'm going through a hard time (like October, blah), I sometimes start to lose the feeling of being safe in T's office, especially if there are voices outside of the room. If I can get myself to tell T, he'll reassure me that I *am* safe, and I know he's there and "protecting" me, and it's okay. He helps me separate the past from now, and that helps too.

It's a gift to start feeling more safe in the world. I think T's office is a fine place to start.

[WePow]

((((Googley)))) I am not sure how to keep the safe feeling outside my T space. I do know when I don't feel safe that I will picture myself curled up in the back of my T's blue Chevy truck bed. Not him in the truck, just me there. Like I feel that he cares about his truck and cares about me and I would be safe 'there' for some reason.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I I was literally never safe as a child, and didn't have any way of knowing what safety feels like.

It turns out that as an adult, I'm almost ALWAYS safe,

but I didn't have a way of recognizing it and understanding it until I experienced it in T's office.

I look at this as your body is still experiencing the insecurity of the past because it hasn't been processed yet (as in recognized, discussed, feelings expressed, etc.) so it is still with you.

[Elana05]

Hi Googley,

I often seem to think about Sunrise's quote, "Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic realtionships." Relationships with others make me feel nervous and confused. Filtered through the lense of my childhood, I'm never quite sure what people are saying or meaning. Maybe the safety comes in part from learning this new language taught over time by T.

[ballet_girl]

Hmmm. I know that even when I am in an uncomfortable conversation with my T I still feel safe in there, but I wouldn't if I was alone. For me, it is her presence in the room that makes me feel safe. The only other place where I truly feel safe is sitting on my bed, because that is the only place where I really allow myself to cry or experience my emotions freely for the most part. When I am most other places, I feel very exposed, even in my apartment. For me, it is either the person or the space where I can experience my emotions that I feel safe...maybe when you feel comfortable with yourself then that feeling of safety with your emotions will come from within and you won't have to depend on the person or the location to help you.