[rainbow8]

I wanted to say certain words in my session but it was so, so hard. I waited until almost the end of the session. It's about physical stuff.

I've talked about it with other Ts, but not using IFS. T wants to do EMDR about it, too.

I'm kind of shaky from the stress. I'm an adult, but this part is stuck at around 11 or 12 years old. I don't know why it was so hard to say this one sentence. Granite, if you're reading, I understand better how it is for you. I kept starting a sentence and then stopping. I only got the words out when T said we have 5 minutes left.

I feel kind of yukky now. I don't want to cook supper and baby-sit. I just want life to stop until next session but I am too embarrassed to think about it.

[granite1]

oh rain i am so sorry and this post went straight to my heart.i want to send you so many words and strength.but i know it needs to come from you.and i know you will eventually find the words you need.you have an amazing T who knows how to help you through all this yuck.trust her to help.untill you find your way through many many hugs.you are doing amazingly hard work and you are doing it

[rainbow8]

Thank you, granite!!!!! Your support means a great deal to me. I only wish that you could speak the words you need to in therapy too. I emailed my T because I wanted to say I felt yukky about the stuff I'm talking about. I know she'll say something reassuring. She already did in the session but it's kind of a blur....you know how that is!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thank you, granite!!!!! Your support means a great deal to me. I only wish that you could speak the words you need to in therapy too. I emailed my T because I wanted to say I felt yukky about the stuff I'm talking about. I know she'll say something reassuring. She already did in the session but it's kind of a blur....you know how that is!

yes i do know how that is and i'm so glad you emailed her and i bet she will be able to address it first thing.i think you are so brave to even be able to bring these things up especially when they are so hard to look at and feel.i hope it will some day get easier.

[jilliebeanmn]

I can only guess what it is you are talking about, but I am pretty sure I know. I was 13. I didn't tell a soul for 20 years.

You both take care, and gentle hugs to you both!

(((((((((((rainbow))))))))))

I hate it when I can't get the words out that I need to get out. It feels so impossible - why can't I just say them? I know there will be relief (eventually - maybe not right away) in saying them, but it is SO hard.

Good for you for getting it out. I know it's hard to wait for the next session...I hope T's e-mail reassures you.

[rainbow8]

Thanks, jillie. I have to say something, though. I didn't put a trigger on this thread because it's not about abuse, at least nothing that I am aware of. I have a lot of shame but I don't know why I am making such a big deal about it. I just know that I have to. Maybe things happened that I don't know about, or maybe I was so sensitive that "growing up" was just incredibly difficult for me.

I don't want people here to think I'm talking about something I'm not. I feel guilty sometimes for posting about my past because I didn't go through the things that others have. I have so much respect for those of you who are survivors and are so brave in your therapy. So many of you are role models to me. I have smaller battles but I struggle with them too.

[granite1]

rain your battles are not small at all and it seems the pain you feel is huge and i wish i could wave the great magic wand i know must be out thare someplace and make it so much easier to deal with.i promice ill keep looking for it and if i find it i'll share ok

[zooropa]

I don't have any great words right now, rainbow, but I wanted you to know I read this and I care about you and you're doing great.