so sad

I have therapy tomorrow and I am just so upset and sad about it. I don't want to go. I had an appointment last Friday and I was doing ok until today. I started thinking about going to my session and I just got anxious and really sad. I have had trouble not doing my SI because I am just worked up aboout it all. Do I just not show up and pay the $75 no show fee? It is too late to cancel they have a 24hr policy.

My therapist tells me that when I feel that way, that's the time it's most important to go. Something to think about...

(((Kacey)))

Why do you feel sad?

I would go and try to talk about feeling so anxious and sad. It's a good place to start, especially when you know it's too late to cancel.

(((((((((((Kacey))))))))))))

I try to remember that no matter how bad I feel, and how much I don't want to go, if I don't show up, I'm not working to get better. ESPECIALLY when I'm feeling too sad to go. If I show up, I am there, connecting a little with T, if nothing else.

You know, I have really been thinking about not going to my session on Thursday, because I'm feeling so sad too. Want to make a deal? You go tomorrow and I'll go Thursday?

Let's give ourselves the gift of a little hope.

Elana,
I really don't know. I know that I have had a really hard time lately with this feeling of not wanting to talk to t about stuff. I don't want to literally stop seeing him (physically seeing) because I am used to having him in my life and don't feel ready to just stop completely. However I told him that last time and said that I just want to bring coffee for him and we drink coffee and play checkers and he said that wouldn't work for him.

it seems like just being with T and drinking coffee and playing checkers could be exactly what you need right now. I'm sorry your T said that won't work for him. I know my T wouldn't go for that, either. Is your T more of a cognitive-behavioral kind of T? Mine is (DBT, specifically) and I know that just being together and playing games or doing art like other people here do with their Ts would not work for mine.

I agree, the times that I have gone to T even when I didn't want to have ended up being the times I needed to go the most.

I can relate to T feeling too overwhelming.
I have been going to both regular T and couples T. Regular T has been ok, but couples T has been (I don't know the right word)... difficult. I shut down there a lot. Can't move, can't speak, no eye contact etc. I have this session tomorrow and I feel nervous. Lately I leave there and I have really been through the ringer. Not sure if this is helpful... But regular T said something today that I took to heart, that I might use this type of phrase when *I think* I may be moving toward being overwhelmed... (*I am not good at knowing this myself). Anyway the phrase is:
"That subject is too big, can we break it down a little bit?"

Can you just go to therapy and tell him that you are feeling sad?

Kacey I hope you are feeling a little less sad today. I hope your appt goes well. I know how hard it can be to talk about things that hurt.

Even if your T doesn't want to play checkers, maybe you just need a day to talk about the lighter side of things. I know that every once in a while my T and I just take a day where I tell her everything good that is going on because that is the stuff that usually gets neglected in other sessions. Usually I will say one or two things and then a flood of things just pours out and after I'm done I just feel so much more relieved than I do when working on hard things for some reason. I wouldn't want to trade it for working on the tough stuff, but sometimes it is good to have one of those days

So I did go to t today. Tree now you have to go tomorrow ok? I did not talk about how sad I felt at all. I was really anxious and irritable all day and did some bad behaviors for coping. But............I did go and we talked about DBT and stuff and did a tiny bit of a chain analysis until I told him that we had to stop because I was feeling really overwhelmed. He did then and said thanks for telling him how I was feeling. I told him I felt like I was drowning. Thanks guys for all your support. I am glad you encouraged me to go. I glad I went. It wasn't great but it wasn't disasterous either.

(((kacey2))))

((((((((((((kacey)))))))))))))) Good for you for going

And now I guess I'll have to keep up my end of the deal, huh?

Yep now you go tree. I will be thinking of you. Then you have to post here tomorrow and let me know.ok?

Oh ((((((((((Kacey))))))))))))) So sorry I wasn't here for you earlier. I'm glad you went to T and told him you were feeling overwhelmed. Even though you didn't tell him about the sadness, I think you did a good job being honest with him in the moment.

I'm so glad you went, Kacey. I have come here and posted about not wanting to go to T lots of times, and been encouraged to go. I've never thought later that I wish I hadn't gone. Over time I've learned to not question it, to just go.