[mixedup_emotions]

I had group T tonight, and I was kinda nervous.

We have an additional T in group who is studying gestalt and does the weekly notes. He's been here for a couple months now....

Last week, I felt he totally missed the mark on my personal feedback and I made my feelings known on the blog. I explained that I was angry, that his feedback did nothing for me. I went on to explain what I felt was important during that session and asked him if he had an appreciation for any of these things...and that I'm disappointed that he didn't recognize them.

During group today, I addressed it with him. He was quiet and asked what I was angry about. I was a bit taken back by that, because I posted what I was angry about. I reiterated what I stated in the blog...and he went back to what he wrote - totally dismissing what I was addressing. Topics moved elsewhere, and he basically ignored it.

I then went back to it with him...and he then became defensive, making comments like, "Well, there are positive things that I could've said about other members but didn't"....and then he went back to what he wrote which was totally irrelevant. Grrr.

Later, I told him that I was becoming increasingly angry because he first totally ignored me, seemed patronizing, became defensive, tried to throw it back at me...all of which helped me become more irritated and less interested in making contact with him.

Throughout, I made eye contact, even while he was squirming and clearly uncomfortable.

Now, I am typically not that direct and assertive. I don't like people feeling uncomfortable. But I was determined to make my feelings known and let him deal with his own discomfort.

One of the other members chimed in, trying to defend this T. I told him that I was irritated with him for defending T.

Later in the session, this T apologized and said he would be more attentive. I thanked him for that. He also acknowledged that it took courage for me to address this with him and to stay with it.

My T remained silent much of the time....although he did say at one point, "new-T is clearly more uncomfortable than MUE here, and it seems as though MUE hasn't gotten what she needed from new-T"...

All in all, I was pleased that I was able to work towards getting my needs met, to voice my feelings knowing that it would be difficult for someone to hear, and to stick with it....maintain contact....and not back down.

I'm still feeling pretty miserable, but I wanted to at least acknowledge something that I felt was an accomplishment.

[gelfling]

way to go, MUE - it is a huge accomplishment to stick up for yourself and make your feelings/needs known -

[googley]

I think that is a great accomplishment. My guess is that new-T realized he made a mistake and was really uncomfortable and that is why he kept avoiding it. He was embarrassed and didn't want to admit that he had made a mistake. I think you did a wonderful job keeping bringing it back to your issue. While the other client defended new-T, it sounds like you were able to get your point across to the group which is wonderful since I know you have had trouble getting your side out in these meetings.

[Kacey2]

MUE,
Wow aren't those group sessions exhausting sometimes? I was in
DBT which is not a process group and we still had a few of those moments. What I am most aware of is that you found your voice this time. And that t's reaction didn't deter you from sticking with it until you got the acknowledgement that you needed. It is very interesting to me that he was unable to continue on with the discussion even though it was uncomfortable for him. It sounds like he was a little out of his element. Maybe on the next blog it should say:

MUE took some huge risks in having her opinion be heard and she didn't do it in an unkind way. She was able to continue on even when it was tough. She is really showing growth in her interpersonal effectiveness.

New Group T had a challange in the group to take some constructive criticism and also engage in a conversation about that. With some help from the group he was able to navigate this difficult situation where all parties felt validated. It was difficult indeed and he may have gained some insight on how he handles conflict.

[WePow]

That is a GREAT accomplishment! Wonder if new-T was intentionally doing that to see if you WOULD make a stand for yourself and fight the system? hmmmmm... maybe not... but that is how my mind thinks people do sometimes... Anyway, you did great!

WOW, MUE!! Look at the inner strength you are discovering.

[WikidPissah]

very brave MUE....very brave !!!