[jazzy123456]

Sorry to post so much but, crazy stuff is happening! and I see my T in two days..I've been waiting two weeks, when I normally wait one. I just want to just send her an email..its all so tempting but, therapy is only two days away...so my main question of this post is should I wait to tell my T the things posted in bold below? or should I go ahead and send the quickest, shortest email ever, to make myself feel better that its sent...for the first time last week she didn't respond to my email, I gave her the benefit of the doubt..because I sent a poem but, hopefully she didn't respond, simply because she didn't think a response was necessary and not because shes tired of me emailing because I want to email her whats in bold below because its bugging the crap out of me...I really should just be patient and wait 2 freakin days..but here it is:


So, remember the boy, my bestie...well, the one who forced me to kiss him, ...ohh geez' it stinks that men are physically stronger then us, anywho, after 2 months of not talking to him...I decided to tell my old best guy friend that we didn't need space anymore and that it was okay to talk to me again. Granted, I've known him for three years and even if he disrespected me, my T says soo too, even if he did, I don't want a couple of incidents to ruin an entire friendship...granted, I'll never trust him again, I'll never be alone with him agn but, I hope we can at least stay acquaintances...that's why I told him he didn't have to give me space anymore...In the mean time, I've been dissociating all day long because sooo much is going on...my best friend that is a girl kissed me last week, and although it was only a peck, it was a girl I was already becoming emotionally and physically attracted too and we were very touchy feely before she did it...I thought I was going to lose my mind when she kissed me...because I got butterflies...and of course, my normal explicit thoughts I get if a girl is touchy feely with me. and then I came across the picture of the girl who did something sexually to me when I was young today, shes around my age now but, of course, shes a lesbian, I came across her photos on my facebook because her mom wanted me to add her and I felt like I couldn't refuse because we are ""family"" but, any-who...I became extremely attracted to the pictures I saw of this girl...and honestly, that terrified me..I couldn't figure out if it was wrong or right to be attracted to a girl who took advantage of me when I was young and because of the picture, I caved and watched lesbo porn again and I feel like my brain is twisting into a billion different directions...so much random stuff is happening...my body is like...idk..the mind and body are connected. help!

like i said, i could wait two days, I can do it. I can wait two days..though I'm going beserk.

((((((((((((((jazzy)))))))))))))))

For me, it would depend on how I usually feel after I send an e-mail to T.

Earlier in therapy, after I sent an e-mail to T, ESPECIALLY an e-mail that revealed "'new" stuff, I would totally spiral out, wonder what he was thinking of me, and be kind of scared and miserable until I saw him.

Now, I usually feel BETTER after sending an e-mail to T, even one that reveals new thoughts/feelings/memories....because I *know* T isn't going to judge me, and giving concrete form to the words helps them stop floating around in my head and overwhelming me. It feels good just to get it OUT.

How do you usually feel after you e-mail T?

[Elana05]

jazzy,

If you are feeling anxious I would connect with your T, send the e-mail or call if that feels more comfortable.

[rainbow8]

If you feel like you just can't wait, then send it. But, if you will feel worse if T doesn't email you back, then I would wait. If you just want her to read it and that will help you, send it.

I usually send my emails, even now that my T is away, because I feel better knowing that I got it "out of me" and into my therapy, if that makes any sense. You have a lot to talk about in your session, so maybe it will help to let your T know ahead of time via your emails.