[michelle421]

i just went to see a new therapist today. i've tried therapy before but i never went for long and it was never helpful. i searched all over to find someone who i think will actually help me. she has a lot of experience with DID, so i think she will be able to help me with the struggles i have with my partner and the ways i don't deal well with my own issues. i hope this time it works out. i'm nervous. change is hard. i don't do well with creating or maintaining boundaries. i'm a caretaker. having to deal with this is going to be hard. i know i need help. i'm scared of change. i am nervous about how this will affect my partner too. my new therapist said she wants to be in touch with my partner's T too. i wonder how all the work in therapy will affect our relationship. oh man, this is gonna be hard.

[geez]

(((Michelle))) that is wonderful that you are starting this journey of finding answers. Speaking from experience this is a hard thing to do. Change can be hard and we need to just try and trust the process (easier said than done ).

((((((((michelle)))))))))))

It's such a brave thing that you're doing.

My T says that there are ALWAYS consequences for healing and changing...but that isn't necessarily a negative thing, and healing, learning, and growing are so worth it.

Try not to project too much. See if you can take it one session at a time, and, like geez said, trust the process.

[michelle421]

thanks. i know this could really help me. but i'm still so nervous about what's going to happen. i know i need to change, but i have such a hard time dealing with issues. i just would much rather avoid everything. but i know that only makes things worse. i have been thinking non-stop since my appointment yesterday... and i'm just so worried that this is going to be hard not only on me personally, but on my relationship with my partner. one thing my T said yesterday has really stuck with me.... it's the fact that my caretaking and always trying to help my partner has actually been holding her back from doing her own healing. i can see that, i guess.... but it makes me feel so stressed. i dont know how i'm going to change. i dont want my changing to make my partner have to deal with more stress. this is not a good time of year. i know my T said we can take things slowly. but in a way... i feel like it's going to be so hard for me to face the fact that i've done things in a way that's not helpful or healthy and made life that much more complicated. i'm trying not to blame myself. i know life is hard. but i also know that i shouldn't be continuing a co-dependent cycle and i know i shouldn't avoid all my problems. i feel like i should have avoided this whole mess in the first place. i feel like i suck at life. and this whole therapy thing is going to make that loud and clear. i know. i know... it's the point. i have to address these issues to make things better. i believe that this T will actually be ABLE to help me this time, so i do want to keep trying. but it is so scary. i'm already very nervous to go back next week. i've already been feeling more and more depressed and anxious and out of energy the last few months. where is the healing energy going to come from? i don't know how i'm going to be able to do this. what's going to happen to my life??? i feel like it's at the stage where everything has to fall apart to get put back together again. i just really fear crumbling to pieces.