[The Poet]

Do you think it is appropriate at any time for a T to show anger?

In the beginning of the relationship? After a strong therapeutic relationship is developed?

What about clients that come from a background of intense anger? Is it appropriate then?

What if a client is not attacking/berating a T, but the T is having countertransference reactions?

[with or without you]

I'm sure they slip up from time to time, but I don't think they are supposed to....isn't it that whole "unconditional positive regard" thing?

[WikidPissah]

Anger is an emotion, everyone has it from time to time, and it's all in the way it is displayed. I personally don't think it's wrong at any point for someone (even a T) to say "I am really angry about...."

[Perna]

Anger is a part of everyone's personality. People who say they "never get angry" are fooling themselves. Everyone gets angry. Anger is an emotion, not the action people take when they feel the emotion. Anger is to help one's self and others get clear on where the angry person is and how they're feeling (like they've been stepped on :-) It's not something "personal" or an attack of another, it's only about the person feeling the feeling, when expressed well, it is very helpful to both the person expressing and the person hearing. It's an opportunity to understand the angry person better and help them.

I think anger is very misunderstood, especially by clients who have never had it expressed by someone else in a helpful manner or who have been afraid to express their own. Like other feelings of those in therapy, what it is, how it feels, how to express it, etc. often has to be "taught" by the therapist's example.

I learned about anger when a boss got angry with me and I knew I was not the one causing his problems, his own misunderstanding was causing it. I kept stating my truth and eventually he heard me, apologized and both of us worked to solve his problem together.

If you do not understand why someone seems angry, ask them if they are angry (what sounds like anger to you might be something else to them and since they are the one emoting, you have to ask them what it is if you are not sure, if they don't say, "I am angry that you are doing X, Y, or Z") and if it is because of something you have done or not done. Anger is an urgent call for communication and help. It's a HEY THERE! I HAVE A PROBLEM AND I WANT YOUR HELP RESOLVING IT!

[sunrise]

Anger scares me so I would find it very helpful if my T could express it in my presence. I could see it modeled and come to know it was not the end of the world if he was angry at something I said or did. And I could learn how to express anger. All this would be a good experience for me. If I was uncomfortable with his anger, I could practice not retreating and use direct communication: "are you angry", "why?", etc. I am not saying this is how it is in my therapy, but I think what I've said could be therapeutic for some people in therapy. What are your thoughts on the questions you've asked, Poet?

[jilliebeanmn]

Right or wrong, my therapist of 5 years has never expressed anger towards me. He has expressed frustration a couple times, and it was helpful to work that through in session. He's also expressed anger at situations, but made sure to tell he he was angry at the situation and NOT at me.

[The Poet]

I don't think it is appropriate for T to display anger AT the client. I think it is appropriate for a T to say for example "I am angry that happened to you" and model feeling anger, but I think therapists need to watch their reactions.

And when it comes to countertransference, T's that get angry because of it need supervision.

While many clients may not have a history of seeing anger displayed correctly, I don't think T's should display it AT the client. Yelling at me/client does nothing but make me want to run away.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by The Poet

Yelling at me/client does nothing but make me want to run away.

I don't think a T should model anger by yelling. I would hope for a different way of expressing anger from a T.

Well I think what most people are referring to as "anger" in that therapists should express, is actually frustration. Anger is expressed when frustrations are not addressed correctly. For a therapist to express frustration, very understandle. For actual anger. A sentence said without thinking. Said in a loud tone or demeaning tone is inappropriate. Fortunately a therapeutic setting is not one where it belongs or needs to be at all. If they dealt with frustrations ahead of time, it wouldn't happen. Unless of course there is transference going on.

I've been yelled at by my fair share of treatment providers. Mostly because I don't talk. It seems to be that I find out who the professionals are the most easiest. I don't not talk on purpose, it's a part of anxiety that brings on a piece of selective mutism. One time upon entering a general psych ward, I was just a teenager, and I had never been there before. I wasn't a hostile teenager. I was just incredibly quiet. Without any knowledge of me I met with a psychiatrist and his resident. The resident did the talking, in which I did the usual shoulder shrug, and stared at the floor.

It didn't take him two minutes to stand up, throw my chart on the desk next to him and ask me "What's wrong with you!? DIDN'T MOMMY SPOON FEED YOU ENOUGH!?" That's when I learned about counter-transference. I continued to look at the floor as the psychiatrist stood up and dragged his resident out the door. He came back in, sat down and chuckled that I deflated his residents ego and he was sorry about that. I didn't think it was so funny back then, but now it makes me laugh. Yes I'm in a psychiatric ward because I didn't have enough barbies growing up.

[notablackbarbie]

Firstly, LOL with LydiaB Seriously tho...i dont know how to answer this question objectively. Subjectively i EXPECT and am SURPRISED that the T's ive had hasnt gotten ENRAGED and angry over all i do/dont do/do wrong and just am. Again, thats what i expect, and thats what ive grown up with. Objectively...i guess you are all on the right track What happens after the expressed anger and/or frustration in a healthy way? Many of us are familiar with the shame, pain, guilt, fear in response to dangerous and/or unhealthy ways... What are we supposed to do/be as a appropriate response in safer spaces?

[Emotionally Dead]

Well I feel like that your Therapist should never show anger towards you, or get angry with you. I understand that they are human and things happen, but if a Therapist is able to get angry at a client and show it, then they should choose a different profession. I have two different jobs, one of them working with the public, and there are PLENTY of times where I get very angry with customers, BUT I never show that TO the customer. I never let them see my anger, even though they will get angry with me and show it very well. That's something you can't teach, it's called self-control, and a Therapist before ANYONE should have that before they can get the job. As for showing anger or frustration, that's fine, but it needs to be controlled and they need to let you know that it's NOT because of you at all.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by notablackbarbie

What are we supposed to do/be as a appropriate response in safer spaces?

Well, for me, it is to not react as I normally would--to break my old patterns. So I would try not to shut down, retreat, vacate, "go inside", become totally emotionless or stony-faced, etc. I would try to remain open to him and engaged, and ask for clarification or explanation, etc. Or I would give him validation if that seemed to fit. Or I would look inside and try to know what I am feeling and perhaps even try expressing that. I am not really able to do all of this yet, but I think these are healthy responses I need to learn. I also think this is a great question to ask your therapist. Probably one of the best outcomes for me has been that if T and I have a disagreement (with or without healthily expressed frustration/anger), I have learned it doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world, or our relationship, or his good opinion of me if I don't see eye to eye with him on something. So just having this experience changes the pattern in me, and makes it less scary next time, and enables me to respond better.

[skeksi]

My T has expressed frustration with me a handful of times. I am very scared of anger, and even minor annoyance on his part has sent me into skittishness (and, on one occasion, a flashback). In all instances he was very controlled and, to someone besides me, probably seemed just a teensy bit irritated.

These times have really been helpful to me. It's helped me work through my reactions in a safe place, to better understand how I respond to anger in other people. It's helped me understand that someone can be annoyed with me and not hurt me or think badly of me. It's helped me understand that anger is natural and can be worked through.

T has made a point of telling me whenever he notices the minutest trace of anger, so that we can work with it. And now, sometimes, I can tell him when I'm angry, too. it's nice to see that anger occurs in relationships but doesn't mean destruction and terror. For so long I have equated an angry feeling with an angry action. I am learning you can talk about it, resolve it, and move on without hurting anyone.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by skeksi

it's nice to see that anger occurs in relationships but doesn't mean destruction and terror.

Amen. I am learning this in therapy too.