Finding a good Therapist

I am new here but I read a lot on the Psychotherapy forum. Most have a Therapist that would be perfect for me. How do you find a T that is the best for your personality. I am tired of going to someone that does not understand me or is not kind and nuturing. How do you know when someone is good enough to be of a help to you. What should I look for right away, even before the first visit or at least by the first visit. I hope someone can help.

What are you wanting in a T, what are the qualities of what you see as a good T?
What do you hope to get out of therapy?

I was lucky anyone would even take me! T after T refused. I found someone to give me a second opinion on my dx, hoping the first time had been wrong. This person who did the second eval became my therapist through a series of events: He gave me tests to see if he wanted to work with me--not the psych tests (those were obvious), but tests like waiting to see if I could get through time after time after time after time of writing my own psych history so that we could write a treatment plan that I could take to anyone so that maybe I could find someone to help me. Near the end of doing that, I was finally accepted into a DBT course. I had to have an individual therapist. He agreed--but this was after putting up with my difficulties while I tried to do what he asked.

So, what that comes down to is that I have the therapist I do because he assessed me for a long time--three months--in a fairly non-therapeutic situation, seeing each other about once every three months, and using email communication. In the course of this experience, he determined whether I could sustain the level of effort therapy required, and I found out whether or not I could tolerate his manner. Also, in the process, we found out that we are both pretty funny, and that has probably saved the relationship many times. I think I had to have someone with humor, a willingness to be brave with a difficult dx and behaviors, a willingness to keep up on current research and methods, and knowledge of many different levels of care. OH! And, he worked a great deal with adolescents, which prepared him well to work with someone with bpd.

http://psychcentral.com/find-therapist/

The above link helped me a lot when I was looking. I had been thru several bad T's, and I knew what didn't work, but had no idea what would work. I think you should take some time and write down what your needs are. It's important to ask about how they handle crisis and contact...ie phone calls, email, text etc...and their boundaries around such things...ie how often you can contact them...and how long it takes them to respond. Get all that clear right from the beginning.

I found my T on the psychology today website. They have a therapist search. I had never been in therapy before (or even read about it) and I had NO IDEA what I was looking for. I read the descriptions the T's wrote about themselves and looked at their pictures, and narrowed it down to my T and another T. Something about what they wrote just spoke to me.

I called both T's and I was having a REALLY hard time deciding. There was something about my T that made me feel comfortable opening up a little on the phone and I told him what a hard time I was having with the decision. He took about 10 minutes and asked questions and helped me clarify what was going on for me. He didn't push me towards himself or the other therapist. It was just pure, honest help. At the end of the conversation he said "pay attention, and you'll know the right thing to do". I loved that. It was like he trusted me, and believed in me.

The phone calls helped a LOT. And, after that, I think I just got really really lucky.

son's pediatrician; same thing, got lucky

Does your therapist know you feel this way? This is something that is important to talk about.

Someone I know who knew what I was struggling with recommended my T. Since then, my T has given me recommendations of two other therapists for family or other needs. They have both been pretty good. I think a recommendation by someone who knows you can be helpful. Good luck.

I'm completely in the same boat, FM. I completely envy other people's Ts!!!

I found my t off my insurance list. He has been great.